Complaints for the Week

I am having an interesting week. Two people in the church community have died, and several are gravely ill, so it looks like I will have a few funerals next week. I have a wedding rehearsal Friday night and a wedding Saturday morning. I worked from home Monday planning music for the fall and Christmas. This is always something I hate, but once I am finished I can relax and just make minor changes as I go. I guess I really have an administrative gift. I sure do wish that I had one of the interesting gifts, but I guess God knows what He is doing.

I got my hair cut short (for me) on Tuesday. Problem is, I colored my hair a couple of weeks ago and since I got my hair cut, some of the color is gone, especially in this place on the back of my head that is gray. It looks like I walked into a paintbrush. I have had it since I was 17 years old, but it has gotten bigger recently and I have decided I do not like being old so I colored it. Now I have to decide what to do about it. Seems like it will be aggravating to keep coloring it. I have gone on far too long about something ridiculous.

I went to the beach with my wife and children on Wednesday morning. I know that I put a good bit of sunscreen on, but I still got sunburned. I am a little uncomfortable, but I will get over it. I love the white sandy beaches that are so close to my home. I go to the beach and wonder how I could have lived anywhere so far from the water for so long. Although, I do wish it were not so hot and humid (already in the 90s). I am fearful of August and September temperatures.

I had to move out all of the sound equipment we use in our contemporary service to prepare for this wedding on Saturday and that is one of my least favorite things to do. I hate it. I wish we had a place where I could leave these things up and not bother with them every other week. I stubbed my toe today in the choir loft moving chairs to prepare for the string quartet that will play for the wedding (they are accompanying my musical selections as well). Remember, I wear flip flops a lot (BTW, I have upgraded to some very stylish Kenneth Cole "sandals"), so when I stubbed my toe I did it for real and now it is a little bruised.

On Wednesday evenings I have been leading the general Bible study on Biblical patterns of worship--mainly defining worship and praise and what our responsibilities are. This has been nice and has reminded me that I did love to teach once upon a time. I had forgotten how easy it was to get up in front of a class and just go for an hour. I guess I will see how much I still like teaching for real this fall when I start teaching a music appreciation class at the area community college. In fact, tomorrow morning I have to go and pick up my course materials and be finger printed to begin working next month. (I have never been finger printed before that I recall).

This will be the first time in 18 months that I have taught a college course and I guess I am a little nervous. I am not concerned that I will connect with the students and I am not worried about the subject matter. Frankly, I think I could teach the course without a textbook. I guess I am just concerned to be concerned. Again, anytime there is a change in my life it gives me cause for reflection. I hate being reflective. Every little thing has to mean something. It goes back to that thing about not believing in blind luck or something. Every thing that happens to us is for a reason to teach us something and I hate it, but I am always looking for the teaching moment.

Being reflective also makes me prone to a touch of depression now and then. But, I think for once in my life I have a handle on this one. I have been very commited to "running" (or at least my definition of running) each morning and that has made me feel better. And there is less of my fat self than there was a few months ago, so I have to remind myself that when I eat right and exercise I feel better physicaly and emotionally. But even more so, I am trying to allow God to teach me without having to go through the doubt phase. This is a tough one for me, but I am working on it. You know, the "Be anxious for nothing" bit. Now, I think doubt is a good thing at times. We do not need faith for something that cannot be doubted. A lot of this has to do with the downsizing and mellowing that my move to Florida has been. And I guess my biggest concern about teaching again is that it will lead me down a path that I do not want to follow. However, I feel that this time around the teaching will not be about identity for me, but for fun and a little extra money. When your identity is not wrapped up in what you do, I think you are a healthier, more well-rounded person. A whole person.

So my question is: What is it that keeps you from being a whole person? And why haven't you done anything about it? You might want to look in the mirror.