Another Question Without an Answer

"Where could you take Jesus to church and not feel like you had to explain it to Him?"--Jim Henderson

I read this question on another blog, so I have no idea if Jim Henderson is a heretic or whatever, but I thought the question was worth sharing. Has the church moved so far from Christ's ideal that He would not recognize it now? Or would He ask why we do some of the things we do? Maybe He already is. . .

Drinking the Chalice to the Last Drop

I can't tell you how glad I am that tomorrow is a holiday. Not that I am so desperate for some time off, but I will take what I can get. It always seems like something infringes upon my day off, like a funeral or another church event. The only bad thing is that it is really cold here. I mean, it is Florida and since we have been back from Texas, we have had two hard freezes. Below freezing in Florida? I remember commenting on this phenomenon and someone reminding me we did not live in Miami. And is it interesting at all how often we hear "interesting" discussions about the validity of such a holiday when it is the only American holiday that celebrates a Christian minister, who just happened to be black? Well, that is a question for another day.

I have been reading the book Mother Teresa~Come Be My Light, and I must admit that it is a difficult read for me. I have found so many of my own questions within her early writings. After she had moved to Calcutta, but shortly after she became a Loreto nun, she wrote the following:

Surely you want some news also about me. One thing, pray much for me--I need prayer now more than ever. I want to be only all for Jesus--truly and not only by name and dress. Many times this goes upside down--so my most reverend "I" gets the most important place. Always the same Gonxha [Teresa's Albanian name]. Only one thing is different--my love for Jesus--I would give everything, even life itself, for Him. It sounds nice but in reality it is not so easy. And just that I want, that it not be easy. Do you remember once you told me in Skopje: "Gonxha, you want to drink the chalice to the last drop." I do not know if at that time, I thought as I do now, but now yes, and that joyfully even without a tear . . . . It does not go so easily when a person has to be on one's feet from morning till evening. But still, everything is for Jesus; so like that everything is beautiful, even though it is difficult.

And shortly thereafter she wrote:

Why must we give ourselves fully to God? Because God has given Himself to us. If God who owes nothing to us is ready to impart to us no less than Himself, shall we answer with just a fraction of ourselves? To give ourselves fully to God is a means of receiving God Himself. I for God and God for me. I live for God and give up my own self, and in this way induce God to live for me. Therefore to possess God we must allow Him to possess our soul.

Maybe one day I will be there, but not today. I am longing for a day when I will be able to give over all control to God, so that I can be fully His and allow Him to live for me. I wonder what freedom lies in drinking the chalice to the last drop?

I heard this great line from the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding: "Don't let your past dictate who you are but let it be part of who you become." I am still looking for the day when I will not allow fears from the past to dictate who I am now. I am encouraged that one day the problems of today will not dictate my future. And maybe that day will be the day when I can drink the chalice to the last drop . . . and be satisfied with just Jesus. Pray for me much.

The Soap Incident

Okay, so I work at a "downtown" church, or what some might call an "inner city" church. What does this mean? It means we get a lot of calls for help with bills and a lot of transitory folks who come into the church looking for a hand out before they head to parts unknown. So one day last fall, I was at the church one morning and went into the men's restroom. I "noticed" that someone was in the handicap stall. I went about my business and heard a flush. A man who appeared to be homeless (at least he had the uniform) came out of the stall and went to the sink to wash his hands. I joined him there at the next sink and began to wash my hands. Now, I want to make this plain: I am not a restroom conversationalist in the least. I smile pleasantly if someone greets me near the door or at the sink, but I prefer not to speak in the restroom at all. This is a private moment I am having, and I do not want to talk . . . ever.

Okay, back to my pointless, but true story: We are washing our hands and the man takes another drag of the soap and says: "This is some good soap!" I countered, with a chuckle: "Yes it is." Then he said it: "You know, it's important to wash your hands as often as you can, especially after you go number 2." My answer: "Well, it is important to keep your hands clean." And I left, never to see this person again.

Every time I see one of these people come in, I am reminded how little I understand about the culture around me. And I think about how much our perception of the gospel is tied to how we received it or how it was received by our community. As much as I love the precepts of the emerging church, I wonder how well some of these ideas would work in a non-white American culture. I look around at those who are interested in this movement, and they are mainly like me: a little cynical about church, though we still believe in it. Middle class, interested in the arts and weaving a conversation that involves others who are like us. Or are they people we would be like if we had not grown up in church?

Maybe this should not be cause for alarm at all. One of the main goals of the emerging church is to make the gospel available to our culture in the same way missionaries make the gospel understandable to another, alien culture. I heard this story about this non-white couple who went to see Rob Bell and were struck by how many white folks were there. Maybe the reason the emergent church works for me is because I see myself in it. Maybe I feel comfortable with it, because it reflects my longings. But do people of other ethnicities see themselves in this type of setting? Does every movement have to be multicultural to be a move of God?

I have been struggling with issues of race lately. I realize I cannot possibly understand what it is like to be a member of another race or ethnic group. As much as I try, I can only go so far. This business with the Obama and Clinton campaigns and the injection of race into the presidential campaign has only brought to light the issues we as a country still face.

I saw this movie about this African American woman who was a bright, how-powered attorney or something who ended up having a fling with her white landscape architect. At one point she was talking about some racially charged issue and he rolled his eyes. He asked her why everything had to be about black and white all the time. Her comment startled me: "You are never reminded you are white. But I am reminded I am black everyday." She went on to discuss the discrimination she felt in her firm, even though she was well-educated and well-prepared for her job. Of course, this is something I have never experienced, except when I have ventured into places where I am a minority--like the school where my wife used to teach in Dallas. She was one of five white teachers in the whole school. It was an interesting learning experience for both of us.

To be truly multicultural, we have to be willing to give up ourselves and our desires in order to give others space for their needs to be met alongside ours. I admit that, though I enjoy the idea of multiculturalism in church and in the country, it makes me nervous because I have to move beyond my area of comfort. There are times when I think I am a long way down that road, and other times I think I haven't even begun. It means sometimes I will have to be more patient to understand someone who speaks in broken English, or to understand a transitory individual's painful story, or to get dirty helping someone out. Maybe, I just need some good soap. You know, it's important.

Can You Spare Some Change?

I don't think I have ever heard the word "change" as often as I have in the last few weeks. Iowa votes one way and everyone says we are in for a change. But then there is New Hampshire and everyone is asking what changed. There are funny things afoot here.

I have often talked about change on this blog and how it is one of the scariest things for most churches and those in church ministry. For example, I was reading another blog today and they were talking about change and why it is so hard for most churches, no matter what the style of worship or the venue might be. The blogger said that there are two reasons why churches fight change: "The first stems from the mistaken idea that change in the church is wrong by principle. The second stems from a simple lack of practical knowledge as to how to positively introduce change without compromise." It seems like I hear variations on these themse often, especially when the discussion leads to the emergent church. Comments like: "Well, I think change is good, but let's not be too hasty." Or, "I like emergent ideas, but I am worried that we might begin to water down the gospel." All of this is about fear--of the unknown, of what God might do, or worse, what the people might think.

I have long said that change is one of the scariest things for me personally, but that I also thrive on it. My move here and our new life, which is about to begin its third year, was one such important change that would allow me to open doors to a new world. Granted, there have been times when I thought I would bore a hole in the doors that were shut to my old life, but in the end I still know the "change of life" was right. But to say that it was easy is an impossibility, even two years after the fact. Last week was the second anniversary of my resignation from the university (and also, being offered my current ministry position).

I have been dealing a lot with issues of control lately. Last week, I was reminded of John 3:30: "He must increase, but I must decrease." I have often thought about these profound words from John the Baptist concerning the ministry of Jesus. Imagine, a man who had an amazing ability to communicate to his generation, a prophetic voice to which many listened. He had a large following. And, yet, when asked about Jesus, John’s response: “He must increase, but I must decrease.” One of the shortest verses in the Scriptures, yet it sums up my deepest yearning. I want to strip away all that is me and be only Him. And John was willing to do this.

How often do we get involved in doing great things—for the church, for the community, for the Lord—only to realize that we were doing these things for our own purposes or because this is what we always do? John the Baptist was a messenger sent from God to prepare the way for Christ, and this was no unimportant calling. John knew the greater calling was to lead people to Christ, even though this meant that he would have to surrender his following, his glory to Christ.

Today, we are called to surrender our hopes and glories into the will of the One who called us out of darkness into His marvelous light. When we begin to follow wholly after Him, people no longer see us, but they see Him.

Getting in the Mood to Blog

I have not been in a blogging state of mind lately. Not that there has not been much to blog about. At the beginning of each year, I am always more reflective than normal, so I can't believe I have not been burning up the blogosphere. Oh well, I guess I will have to get back into the swing of things for my loyal handful of readers.

1st: I saw this sign while I was in Texas that offended me. It read: "John 14:6 says Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven." I am always offended when someone breaks down the choice to serve Christ to a heaven or hell option. Not that it is completely false, but because it is utterly ridiculous to me to think that the only reason to serve God is to escape hell. This escapist mentality that many evangelicals have gets on my last nerve, especially since it is used so often to explain why we do not care about the earth or other significant things this side of heaven. We will have our first funeral of the year tomorrow for a very congenial man who made coffee for his wife Monday morning, sat down, and never got back up. A person broke down crying in my office the other day regarding the death of an estranged child over the holidays. Every time someone dies, we are reminded that we are not entitled to live the next day and we need to be ready to meet the Lord. But it still bothers me when we make heaven so much about us and our relationship with Christ so much about our needs. We do need to know Christ to go to heaven, but wouldn't it be a wonder if we knew him and he made this earthly life an amazing experience, so much so that we had to share it with everyone--not just because they would miss out on heaven, but because they would miss out on the best life on earth possible.

2nd: I am intrigued by the media and what they never learn about polls and the presidential race. I remember after the Florida debacle of 2000 media types said they would never call a race until after all polls had closed. But why is it that the media has to know everything before they really know it? I think it is a good thing that none of the leading presidential candidates has been crowned just yet. It is better for the country if there is no clear-cut nominee immediately. This way, we get to know the candidates better. And, though I may like one candidate over another, there are still many things that most people do not know about each of the candidates, and a prolonged period in the valley of decision can only be a good thing. In a later blog I plan to talk about the role of racism in this presidential race, but that is too much for me to get into today.

I hope you have kept all of your resolutions so far. I have been much better about my diet and I have started to run again after a 3-month hiatus. I am so sore.

Peace.

Finding Normal

Well, things are finally winding down from the holiday festivities and our whirlwind trip back to Texas to visit our families. More about the trip later.

I guess since it is January 2008 I should look back at 2007 and see what I learned.

I learned I am not a southerner. Though I try, I just seem to say what is on my mind more often than I should. This is not a good southern trait. I mistakenly thought that since I was from a southwestern state that was kind of the same thing. I was wrong. I miss Texas and imagine that one day we will return. But not today (or this year, for that matter).

I was reminded that I cannot do everything I want to do. I realized that in my previous life I would overdo a lot, but I also had four months off over the course of the year. No such luck nowadays. So, I learned that I need to be careful not to overdo now because there is no break from the madness. This is also the first of my New Year's resolutions.

Another resolution I have is to be more thankful for God's gifts rather than frustrated by their timing. I am resolved to make each moment an opportunity to find God's grace rather than a reason to be anxious about things that have not been done. I want to take every opportunity to swing my children in the air rather than to waste these moments checking my email messages. And, rather than marvel at the many things we need to do, I am going to rejoice at what God is doing now.

So, my trip to Texas was interesting. I got to see most of my family, including my grandmother. I had not seen her since Christmas 2005. I had a wonderful conversation with my father's brother who is about to enter the Catholic Church this Easter. It is amazing to hear him talk about spiritual things, something I never thought I would hear. His discussion of marriage and remarriage was insightful, especially since he has had to go through the process of getting a marriage annulled in order to enter the church. He said something to the effect that if he had thought about some things earlier in his life, he would have likely done things differently. I think this is an important thing the church can do--give us a clearer picture of ourselves.

I went to the Kimbell Art Museum and saw the exhibit "Picturing the Bible" a collection of the earliest Christian art. It was good, but a little anticlimactic. I got to eat some good Mexican food, but other than this, we did little. Shopped, talked, and enjoyed being with family. I had one moment where I forgot about the last couple of years all together. I had this feeling, like a dream or nightmare, that everything was as it was before we moved. For the first time, it was difficult for me to leave. The girls were ready to get home and play with their new toys, but I was a little sad to go for several reasons. Now, back at home, I do feel at home, just a little worse for the wear. I seem to have picked up another sinus infection due to all of the different climate changes. It is colder here in Florida than it was in Texas while we were there.

Anyway, just looking forward to finding normal again is a good start for the new year.

Peace.