This month marked the three year anniversary of my departure from my former life as a college music professor and my entry into full-time church ministry. There is still a bit of irony for me that my last day at the college was January 6, 2005. My personal epiphany came to fruition on the Day of Epiphany. And within the next few weeks we will have lived in Florida for three years. When I look back at events which seemed innocuous at the time, it is amazing what gravity they now have. I remember the conversation I had with a student who took my Music in Worship class seven years ago. She wondered whether or not I might be interested to help her church, a United Methodist Church, start a contemporary worship service. I told her at the time that it was impossible for me to consider doing that, even if I really wanted to do it. And then not even a year later when I was approached by the pastor of that church, and I decided there just might be something to all these inquiries. It is hard to believe that the time has passed so quickly.
In many ways these have been some of the most eventful years of our lives, despite the paradigm shift that has been the benchmark of this period. We have moved to a part of the country that is quite different than where we had lived. We have begun to think of ourselves as Methodists rather than aliens in a strange land. My little angels have grown up so much. I now have two children who do not really remember living in Texas, and therefore, do not remember our former life. My wife and I know each other better than we ever did before moving away from comfortable, safe surroundings.
I remember at the beginning of this journey a great sense of anxiety about what the future would hold and whether or not this path would be the one that I would stay on to the end. As time went on, I began to realize there was no necessity to know what next year holds, as long as I can trust in God to lead the way. During our first year here, there rarely came a day that I did not wonder about what was going on at the college or what my students and colleagues were doing. I realized a few months ago that it had been quite some time since I had wondered about those things. At first I worried about what people would think of my choices, fearing many would think I was a sinner for even considering the choices I had already made. Today, these are not worries that cross my mind. I am reminded of the passage from Genesis 41 in which Joseph names his first son Manasseh because "God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household." It is significant that, out of the blue, a friend from the former life called me yesterday and I began to realize how much harder it was now to speak of things I really did not remember. It was like talking through a haze, a very cloudy memory. The grief that used to accompany any thought of my former life was just not there anymore. I think that may be the greatest breakthrough I have had in years.
I guess what I am trying to say is that although I used to speak kindly about my new life and pretend it was home to me; now, I actually believe it now or at the very least, I have convinced myself I believe it. Maybe, for the first time, I am at home with myself.
In many ways these have been some of the most eventful years of our lives, despite the paradigm shift that has been the benchmark of this period. We have moved to a part of the country that is quite different than where we had lived. We have begun to think of ourselves as Methodists rather than aliens in a strange land. My little angels have grown up so much. I now have two children who do not really remember living in Texas, and therefore, do not remember our former life. My wife and I know each other better than we ever did before moving away from comfortable, safe surroundings.
I remember at the beginning of this journey a great sense of anxiety about what the future would hold and whether or not this path would be the one that I would stay on to the end. As time went on, I began to realize there was no necessity to know what next year holds, as long as I can trust in God to lead the way. During our first year here, there rarely came a day that I did not wonder about what was going on at the college or what my students and colleagues were doing. I realized a few months ago that it had been quite some time since I had wondered about those things. At first I worried about what people would think of my choices, fearing many would think I was a sinner for even considering the choices I had already made. Today, these are not worries that cross my mind. I am reminded of the passage from Genesis 41 in which Joseph names his first son Manasseh because "God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household." It is significant that, out of the blue, a friend from the former life called me yesterday and I began to realize how much harder it was now to speak of things I really did not remember. It was like talking through a haze, a very cloudy memory. The grief that used to accompany any thought of my former life was just not there anymore. I think that may be the greatest breakthrough I have had in years.
I guess what I am trying to say is that although I used to speak kindly about my new life and pretend it was home to me; now, I actually believe it now or at the very least, I have convinced myself I believe it. Maybe, for the first time, I am at home with myself.
1 comment:
Hey, thanks for this one. Going through a bit of this myself right now.
Been praying for your sister.
Tim
Post a Comment