Feeling Isolated

Well, since my last confession, I have sat at home for 3 days straight with my poor little angel. Wednesday, when I left her with Misty, Madeline had no fever. But later that afternoon, when she went to the doctor, she had spiked up to 104.7 F. Scary. So, I stayed home with her Thursday and she seemed to be getting better, until she broke out in hives. So, we stayed home Friday and they got worse. That poor child is so tired of taking medicine all the time. Looks like we will take her back to the doctor on Monday and see what else we can do. It is not dangerous or contagious, just frustrating.

It did give me some time for quiet reflection, which is nice, and so I guess I should look at the bright side. I read a couple of books, one on how the states got their shapes (not as interesting as it might sound) and a book on medieval heresies (even less interesting than it sounds). I am still reading the latter and stuck in a chapter about the Cathars. I am interested in this stuff but even I am bored.

I had an interesting thought dropped into my head the other day by a special friend. In much truncated form, he said:

I sometimes wonder if any experience, practice, form, etc. that keeps us from discovering Him (and consequently ourselves in Him), no matter how "right," is, in fact, wrong.

I have wondered about this possibility for some time, especially since I started working for a well-established tradition-minded church. How many things do we take part in that are really superfluous to our walk with Christ? How many things have become so endearing to us, but no one outside of our tradition or in the world would have any need for them? It does not mean they are wrong, it just means they are unnecessary.

But what happens when these fine in-and-of-themselves things start hindering our ability to get to know God better? Is it time to stop and re-think? Problem is, sometimes we are so afraid of what lies beyond the door of our tradition, that we are unable to function as we were intended to function. And, sometimes, we slough off one form of godliness to take on another. Or, as a wise person once put it: "The only real risk here is that you trade one set of boundaries for another."

This is one of the greatest concerns I have for myself in this process of becoming ordained. I have moved beyond the door of one tradition to find my way in another that appears to be more freeing (for me, at least), but has the capacity to be as great a hindrance to my getting to know God and myself in Him as the former tradition did. I guess I do not want to get caught up in doing the right thing so much and find that it was wrong all along. I know this is where God wants me for now and I love the idea of a new adventure in academia (as a student this time). I am probably over-thinking this one, but that is my best trick.

Please pray for us (me). I am all alone in a house full of frustrated little women--two who need to get out of the house, one who needs to stay home, and three who need to get out of my hair. Does anyone have any xanax I can borrow?