Great Expectations

OK. This one may make me sound like an old goat, but here goes:


I have talked about this some before, but it keeps coming back. Since I started teaching again at the community college, I have noticed some trends that remind me of my days at Southwestern, and have shown me that the trends I noticed were everywhere. Or at least in my little portions of everywhere.


The problem is one of expectations, and what students coming into my class expect from me as their instructor. I am usually a fairly compliant teacher. I make study guides available for all exams on my Facebook page. I also post all of my lecture notes, so students really just have to show up, take their exams, and be done with it. I think this is overly kind of me to make these available to them. But, I got complaints that they were not easy to find and that they were unsure what the test covered and you get the idea. Most of them were fine, found their study materials and that was the end of it. And, most of the students who took the exam (only one student in the class of 38 did not show up for the exam) made a B or C (there were several As by the way, just not an overabundance of them). I think this is pretty good on the average. You know, making the Bell curve work for me.


Here it is: Back in my day, I would have never had the audacity to ask for, let alone expect a study guide for a test from one of my professors. We read the book, studied our notes, and hoped we would have studied the things the professor was "looking for" on the exam. When I was in graduate school, some 13 years ago, I had a professor tell me that students are consumers and they expect a lot for their money. I know she was right. But this leads me to another issue that I noticed early on in my teaching career. Not only do students expect their professors to do a lot of the learning for them, or maybe better put, make the learning as easy as possible, they get this from their high schools. It is a shame, but our high schools are doing a fine job of teaching test-taking strategies, but they are not doing a good job of teaching our children to think creatively or otherwise. So when they would get to me, I had to do a lot of reteaching. This is especially true in math and English where we have section upon section of introductory algebra and reading strategies because students did so poorly in school or on their entrance exams that they cannot place into college-level courses. Back in the day, these students would not have gotten into college at all. Maybe that was not a bad thing.


Don't even get me started on how much like pulling teeth it is to get students to answer questions in class. They do not read their books, of course, but even questions they should know the answers to, I get blank stares. If it is not a question about a reality TV program, I might as well forget it. I asked the class how many of them read books, and I got a couple of hands raised. When I told them the week before I had read like three books, they told me I must have been really bored. I was, but that was not the point. I will stop.


And, speaking of test taking. I read today in the New York Times that many universities are fed up with the test-taking monster that has been created by companies making money off of high schoolers who want to get the best SAT or ACT scores. These universities are beginning to look more fully at entrance essays than at SAT scores and GPAs. (It was ironic that a member of the church asked me to read her daughter's entrance essay just last night. I read it today and gave my feedback, for what it was worth.) If you try hard enough, you can play the exam and win a great score. Don't get me started on how these services are unavailable to people in "ethnically challenged" areas and so their scores are lower because they do not have the privilege of going to a test prep workshop. I will stop. And, since GPAs are weighted so differently depending on what types of courses one takes and what kind of community service one does, this is not always as good an indicator of academic aptitude as it might have once been.



OK, so I am an old goat, and I know people were complaining about the state of the educational system when I was in school. But hey, I was playing Scripture scramble in Miss Guy's class, so I had no idea. Can I just tell you how much it amuses my wife to tell stories of some of the Fundy things we used to do at my Christian school. She just smiles and says "They don't do that at a real school." Oh well, at least I learned to read. Now the math . . . not so much. But I never see them using math in the Bible, so I must be okay.

PS: Does anybody remember building Israelite houses out of sugar cubes in 7th grade Bible class?

Sunday's Are Special

Friday night I got my wish and we went to Target. I bought the first season of Pushing Daisies on DVD. I absolutely love that show. Gotta love that Kristin Chenoweth. I remember this time back a hundred years ago when then Kristi Chenoweth had just finished singing a song at a performance in front of the stage curtain and could not find the middle. She kept going a little further to the right, and then, looking panicked, would look back at the audience and smile. This went on for some time before she finally made it backstage. Funny what you remember about people you kind of knew before they were famous. Granted, it was 1982 and she was like 13 years old. Back to the point, I am beginning to question my fascination with death-related television series. At least this one is cute and almost wholesome. I used to mock people who were overly interested in death. Have I become that which I once mocked?

Saturday we went nowhere. Literally.

Sunday, started out with a major stressor. Several of my 8:15 choir members called Saturday to let me know they were sick and would not be available to sing Sunday morning. It would not be so bad, but that choir is already on the small side to begin with and when a few key singers are out, it makes for a big problem. So, it ended up I had to come up with a solo on the spot to fill the choir's void. It went fine and all things on Sunday went as planned after that. Except that I forgot we had this AED training to go to so that if someone needs to be shocked back to life, we would know how to listen to the machine tell you what to do. Interesting.

I spent much of my time at church this afternoon preparing to meet with my children's music group. They have very little discipline and it drives me crazy. I have to discipline at home and I really do not want to tell other people's children to be quiet or the devil might come down the stairs and eat them up. My children know to be aware of the horned and hoofed one.

So, after spending the evening with my children's "choir", I decided to go to Wendy's to get something for dinner. I don't care for Wendy's because every time I go there they get something wrong. This time was no exception. I waited in line for close to 20 minutes, which was fine. I was having a lovely time listening to someone on NPR prattle on about water and why it is stupid to drink bottled water. Don't get me started on how "green" people think they are acting when the drink bottled tap water. I digress. So I finally got to the pick-up window, when I was told that they had no Diet Coke. I asked the young man at the window why it was that I had been in the line so long and had never been told that they were out of what I had ordered. No real answer. I asked for my money back. A few minutes later, he brought me 50 cents. I asked if this could possibly be how much my soft drink had cost. And he told me it was indeed how much it cost because it was part of a value meal. I gave him the 50 cents back and told him to have a drink on me. He laughed and told me I was funny. He also called me Dude. I drove off. I think there must be a quota of "special" people that Wendy's has to meet in order to stay in business.

And now, the week begins again.

Not the Oldest Dad, Thank You

So, after a not so interesting day Thursday, I had to go to Emma's open house at school to meet her teacher. I barely got there in time. Our babysitter was running a little late and so I got there after the teacher had started into her spiel about schoolwork and all those fun third grade things. Emma's teacher likes her and told me basically that she has my over-achieving disease. I told the teacher that I was bad about putting too much pressure on myself, especially as a child. She said she was the same way. Anyway, it was a moment.


But I noticed as I was looking around at all the other students' parents that I was actually one of the younger ones there. This is a bit off-putting to me, because I always feel like I am old to have little children. But the school where Misty teaches and Emma and Elizabeth attend is one for overachievers, and most overachieving folks wait till they are older to have children. This is a ridiculous post.


This morning I had a funeral at the church. A funeral on Friday is horrible because I teach all day at the community college on Fridays since that is my day off at the church. So, I had to do a little rearranging of my schedule to be able to sing at the funeral in the first place. I rescheduled one student to come to the church on Thursday, and she never showed. Twenty minutes after she was supposed to be there, she called and said she was lost. I gave her directions and she still never showed. I hope she is not still driving around downtown Panama City after 27 hours.


Well, the family wanted a concert for this funeral. I think as I get better known in town, people want to hear more of me at these events. Lately, I have been averaging three or four songs per wedding/funeral and it is wearing me out a little. Not just that four songs may be too many for a funeral, but they were really high songs. Everybody asks me to sing Josh Groban songs, and I am sorry, but they are difficult. I guess I should be flattered that people think I sound like a 20 year-old. So, I had to sing that horribly sad "To Where You Are" and "The Lord's Prayer" and usually I feel good if I just have to sing one high song. Oh well, it went fine, but I had to immediately leave when the funeral was over and rush to the college to teach the rest of the day. No lunch, nothing to drink. Just pain and anguish for several hours. I think I need to plan better.

I hope to go to Target tonight. It is sad, but that is my favorite place to go. I have not been in weeks, and I feel deprived. And, yes, we look ridiculous in that picture.

So, I Finally Read "The Shack"

If someone tells me I should read a book I usually don't. Maybe this is because I think too much of myself. If I have not heard of it first, it must not be that great since I keep up with the world. Well, I missed this one. Over the course of a couple of weeks, it seemed like so many people were asking me if I had read William Young's The Shack. I had not, and when people explained it to me, I was horrified and was completely unsure why anyone would like this book. Then a friend read me portions of the book (my cell phone bill this month was higher than normal, thank you very much) and I decided I needed to hunt down a copy. I borrowed one from a friend at church and read it in a couple of days. It was amazing in a way that I do not frequently admit.

This book deals with some very sensitive issues, about how God the three-in-one loves each member of the Trinity and how that love should be lived out in us. It talks about forgiveness, how to forgive those who have done terrible things to us and those we love, how to forgive ourselves, and, maybe most importantly, how to forgive God for things we really do not understand but still blame him for. The ideas of relationship, and how we should know God and how He wants to be known by us are at the forefront of this narrative. Most of the book is a conversation with God. How great it is to think that God is "especially fond" of all of us.

There are many in the evangelical community that have been extremely critical of this book for teaching some new ideas about God. Remember, this is a novel and not a theology book. There are things about the book that are weird and pleasantly off-putting, but it so thought provoking and sincere that I think it is worth a read. I think I will have to buy myself a copy so I can read it again. It is definitely a more post-modern take on how God communicates with us and how we share in God's life, and many who think in a more modernist manner will have significant problems with this, especially how the members of the Trinity are represented. Just remember, it is a novel, a work of fiction.

But, it is striking to me that right before I read this book, I found this quote on a blog called Rude Armchair Theology:

Good theology, when codified, legislated, and ossified, can very easily shackle, choke, or smother the gospel. This is idolatry, and the devil finds it delightful.

I think The Shack is really interesting and gives us some old ideas in new ways. If for no other reason, it was worth reading because it reminded me there are still things I need to forgive myself and God for. I have to be willing to give God that one last thing that hinders me.

Random Thoughts for Thursday

"I've done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!" - Ned Flanders

I watched a couple of movies last weekend that gave me weird thoughts.

I watched that Helen Mirren movie The Queen, about the week after Princess Diana died in 1997. I had forgotten how this affected the British people and their reaction to Diana's untimely death. I wonder if I am weird that no one has affected me in this way other than family and close friends. I mean, when people ask me who I most would want to meet in the world, I get slack-jawed. I guess I have no heroes. Are people's lives so empty that they need someone that they don't even know to fill the void? Painful.

I saw that very sad movie "The Trip to Bountiful" on TCM the other afternoon. I don't know of a much sadder movie. I remember going to see this back in the 80's at the only movie theater that showed art movies in Oklahoma City. You know, the synopsis is that this old woman (Geraldine Page) wants to go back to visit her home in Bountiful, Texas but her son and daughter-in-law won't take her. The daughter-in-law is hateful, and won't let her sing hymns to herself around their small Houston apartment. So, she runs away and takes the bus as far as she can get only to find no one left in the town and the friend she hoped to visit was buried the morning before she arrived. She just wanted to go home. It meant so much to her. I think about myself and my circumstances and I truly believe "home" is where my family is. I can't imagine having such a love for a place, as many do, that they just have to get back there. It did not take long for me to stop thinking of Oklahoma City as home after I moved away. Every time I would go back, it seemed that much was the same and much was totally different. I think we expect that our lives go on, but no one else changes. Sad.

"Personally, I don't have the guts to follow Jesus, so I often settle for being a Christian."

I have come to wonder if I am not the "opposition" wherever I am. It seems that theologically or politically I find a way to be different than most. When I was still teaching at the college, it seemed that I focused this need to be different on theological positions. Now that I am amongst more like-minded theologians, I find that my need to be different focuses on the political. Am I getting to know myself better or am I just being the "opposition" because somebody needs to be? Scary.

I had a current student, who happens to be a Christian and a musician, comment on his Facebook that his music class (my class) was boring and that he only wanted to play music, not learn about the history. Of course, his comments came up on my Facebook homepage and so I commented in a very nice, yet tongue-in-cheek manner about his comments. He laughed, and then seemed to be worried that I was offended.

First, why is it that we think posting to the internet is somehow anonymous and private? Ignorant.

Second, why is it that we do not think about others' perspectives before we say something that could easily cause offense, especially when we are supposed to be followers of Jesus? Childish.

Truth is I was not all that offended because that was my lot in life, trying to find the fun in teaching students who just wanted to play worship music and had no desire whatsoever to learn about music in an academic fashion. I had another one of those enter my office today, a young woman who sings a little like Whitney Houston and I have to tell her her lessons are supposed to center on perfecting classical vocal technique. Priceless.

There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better."

Amen.

O Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say

I think this is a funny video and really goes a long way to show just how hypocritical we can be here in the U S of A. It is significant to me that when someone we respect, politically or otherwise, does something we disagree with, we are very quick to forgive them. But, when someone we disagree with, either politically or because of faulty life choices they have made, we are very quick to judge them. Maybe our pundits and leaders should be careful what they say in these days when it only takes a few moments to bring up a video of exactly what they said last week, last year, or whenever.

Feeling Isolated

Well, since my last confession, I have sat at home for 3 days straight with my poor little angel. Wednesday, when I left her with Misty, Madeline had no fever. But later that afternoon, when she went to the doctor, she had spiked up to 104.7 F. Scary. So, I stayed home with her Thursday and she seemed to be getting better, until she broke out in hives. So, we stayed home Friday and they got worse. That poor child is so tired of taking medicine all the time. Looks like we will take her back to the doctor on Monday and see what else we can do. It is not dangerous or contagious, just frustrating.

It did give me some time for quiet reflection, which is nice, and so I guess I should look at the bright side. I read a couple of books, one on how the states got their shapes (not as interesting as it might sound) and a book on medieval heresies (even less interesting than it sounds). I am still reading the latter and stuck in a chapter about the Cathars. I am interested in this stuff but even I am bored.

I had an interesting thought dropped into my head the other day by a special friend. In much truncated form, he said:

I sometimes wonder if any experience, practice, form, etc. that keeps us from discovering Him (and consequently ourselves in Him), no matter how "right," is, in fact, wrong.

I have wondered about this possibility for some time, especially since I started working for a well-established tradition-minded church. How many things do we take part in that are really superfluous to our walk with Christ? How many things have become so endearing to us, but no one outside of our tradition or in the world would have any need for them? It does not mean they are wrong, it just means they are unnecessary.

But what happens when these fine in-and-of-themselves things start hindering our ability to get to know God better? Is it time to stop and re-think? Problem is, sometimes we are so afraid of what lies beyond the door of our tradition, that we are unable to function as we were intended to function. And, sometimes, we slough off one form of godliness to take on another. Or, as a wise person once put it: "The only real risk here is that you trade one set of boundaries for another."

This is one of the greatest concerns I have for myself in this process of becoming ordained. I have moved beyond the door of one tradition to find my way in another that appears to be more freeing (for me, at least), but has the capacity to be as great a hindrance to my getting to know God and myself in Him as the former tradition did. I guess I do not want to get caught up in doing the right thing so much and find that it was wrong all along. I know this is where God wants me for now and I love the idea of a new adventure in academia (as a student this time). I am probably over-thinking this one, but that is my best trick.

Please pray for us (me). I am all alone in a house full of frustrated little women--two who need to get out of the house, one who needs to stay home, and three who need to get out of my hair. Does anyone have any xanax I can borrow?

It Is Official

I received word last night that I had been approved as a certified candidate for deacon's orders. I wasn't exactly worried, but it is nice to know that it is official now. Now I get to complete the process to enroll in seminary and vomit my way back to school. At least I am already half-way through since I already have a Masters degree. I just have to get the rest of my transcripts together and that will be that. In many ways I am looking forward to taking these classes, but I am a bit fretful about how this return to school will effect my current life.

Nothing else significant to report, with two exceptions: First, I have my first worker-related injury. I was setting up handbells last night and I jammed my right ring finger. It is nice and black and swollen even this morning. I never realized how much I use that poor little finger until it hurts to move it.

Second, Madeline woke up this morning at 4 AM with a fever, so I get the joy of staying home this morning until Misty can get a substitute for her class. Wednesday is a bad day for me to be sitting at home, but I guess I should enjoy the respite for a little while. She seems to be doing better now, but we cannot take her to preschool when she had a fever, and it could be that her medicine is working. I am hopeful this is not a portent of things to come this fall. Madeline has been so healthy this summer and I really do not want for her to start getting sick again. Pray for her.

At some point I will have interesting things to talk about, but lately it has seemed too tiring to put my thoughts together in a cohesive manner. I have been reading some significant things lately, and one day I will get to sharing them.

Peace.

A Week With a Holiday is Like . . .

Well, it has been over a week since my last confession and much has happened in my little world. One of the main reasons I have not confessed lately is that I have been without internet access at home for the last several days. So, today, I bit the bullet and bought a new computer to replace the antichrist that I was using. So, I am back in the blogosphere and just a little poorer for the journey.

Last weekend we drove over to Okaloosa Island to attend the Greek Festival put on by Saints Markella and Demetrios Greek Orthodox Church in Mary Esther, Florida. It was fun and is a reminder of the bigger one we used to go to in Dallas. I absolutely love those Greeks and it is an opportunity to have some good food and let the girls dance to some wacky music. I have this love for the Orthodox Church and wonder if I still might not end up there someday. Who knows?

I have been absolutely crazy this last week or so. I got this message early last week that one of the other voice teachers at the community college was going to be out all semester due to a triple bypass surgery. It was an emergency procedure and so there was no way to plan for it. I have taken on some of his voice students in order to help out in a crisis, but I am afraid it will drive me bonkers. It will be nice to have the money, but I will not be able to do this next semester. I am planning to take a course or two to get started on my coursework for my ordination and I can't do this with so many extracurriculars.

We have spent much of the last two weekends waiting to see if we would have a hurricane. Fay completely passed us by and Gustav went way to the west. So, we spent all this time indoors and did not get to make use of the holiday at all. It is always aggravating to me to lose a Monday since that is the day I get the most accomplished. And having to condense the week into fewer days is not really a vacation to me.

I had a meeting with the District Committee on Ordained Ministry today. So, as of today, I am a certified candidate. I have been amazed at how well this process has been going. But, if I ever wondered whether or not God has a sense of humor or whether He was interested in my life, I know it again today. One of the ministers who interviewed me today was a graduate of Southwestern, my old home. I was flabbergasted. He knew several people that I knew. It is always odd to find another used-to-be Pentecostal in the United Methodist ranks.

I also got a call from an old friend today. Everything was as it should be. I am thankful for those friends I have that I don't have to speak to everyday in order for the relationship to remain fresh. I think he just wanted to know that I was still me. I hope I did not disappoint.

More to come . . .