"Not That There's Anything Wrong With That"

It has been a week since my last confession.

First of all, Sunday went without incident. It was all good, really. We had a military speaker do a short presentation about his recent stint in Baghdad. He did a great job and it was really moving. He talked about how his Christmas was spent doing a Patriot Duty in which he had to time the company's salute to coincide with the passing of a casket for a soldier going home for the last time. It was really sad to think that we are still fighting so many years and so many thousands of lives later. Nothing more to say there.

Then, of course, we had the day off for Memorial Day. Misty spent much of the day cleaning out our garage. It looks great now, but it was quite a chore. We had spent much of Saturday planting and replanting some of our shrubbery. We had a young man from the church come out and do some additional work to make the front lawn more appealing. It looks really good now and, with the garage clean, we can actually move around with the cars parked inside.

Of course, this is also a week that I dread for other reasons. Our preschool is closed this week each year and so I was forced to hunt down other childcare possibilities. It ended up that I could find someone only for Tuesday and Wednesday. So, I have been with the littlest Keaton angels for the last 48 straight. I love them, but I am tired of children. It did not help that this was also a week of craziness from the wife. Several problems arose. First, she was expecting two end-of-the-year packages to arrive in the mail and they never came. She had what we think is another gall bladder attack late Friday night (a week ago) and then Tuesday night she bit down on something and a crown popped off. This was cause for the greatest concern because right now she does not have dental insurance. She found a dentist who is affiliated in some way with the school and got in quickly and painlessly. The crown was replaced without having to pay for the visit. Sometimes it is very nice to be living in a small town. Somebody we know always knows somebody else who can help.

In other news ~

What is up with Barack Obama and all these ministers coming to his "defense"? I mean, what is it about him that makes ministers, this time a white priest, think it is perfectly acceptable to paint Hillary Clinton as a racist and those who have voted for her as such? There must be something in the water in Chicago. I just cannot fathom that these people think they are helping him by bringing up the exact opposite of what he is trying to preach--tolerance and unity. The most stunning thing for me is that these bigoted diatribes are coming from members of the clergy who are supposed to take on the peace-seeking garb of Christ, not the clothing of hatred. It makes me wonder if some of these mainline church leaders see an opportunity to project themselves onto the political landscape in a way that only evangelicals have in recent years. If this is the case, how self-seeking can one be to use the pulpit to spread bigotry. There is a reason we have the separation of church and state--to protect both institutions from each other.

It has been a little over a week since the California Supreme Court issued its ruling in favor of gay marriage. It is interesting to me that, even though the state seems to be mostly opposed to the idea of gay marriage, the Supreme Court would basically decide to overrule the mind of the people. But that is a digression. Why is it that we have such a problem with gay marriage? Now, I am not a fan myself. I kind of always thought that being gay was a way to avoid getting married. And I know the religious right answer to that. "Homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord!" Or "The Bible says God hates fags!" Or my favorite: "Gay marriage will destroy the institution of traditional marriage and the family." I guess my real question is: "Will legalized gay marriage really destroy the institution of marriage?" I heard an interesting question on CNN last night from an average Joe who asked whether gay marriage or the 50% divorce rate in this country would do more damage to traditional marriage. It is worth thinking about at the very least.

All of this reminded me of something that Thomas Jefferson wrote in his book Notes on Virginia (1782).

"But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."

Now, Jefferson was talking about religion here, but I think the same logic applies to the gay marriage issue. What does it really matter if gay people are allowed to get married? It does not pick my pocket or break my leg. I may not approve of it, but there are a lot of things of which I do not approve that are perfectly legal. A gay individual commented on CNN that he thought gay marriage was relatively insignificant since there were still places in the world where gay people are killed just for being gay (and, I might add, these actions are often condoned by the religious establishment of these places). I am concerned that it will become one of those political issues that derails our country from more pressing struggles like the economy or the environment or poverty--and there is something wrong with letting these things slip to the sidelines.

That's all for now. I have to plan a date with 3 young ladies tonight. Mom is painting the town with her gal pals tonight, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Another Milestone and a Millstone

Today was Elizabeth's K4 graduation at the preschool. She did such a good job at their little program. She got to sing the ABC song all by herself. She had a small class of only 8 students, so the program was short. One thing I have appreciated about our preschool is that they prepare a scrapbook of the year's projects and pictures of the children throughout the school term. It is nice to have one of these for Madeline and Elizabeth. It is amazing how much they have grown in such a short time. We don't notice it so readily because we are with them everyday. Congratulations to Elizabeth for making it through K4. Now on to Mommy's school and Kindergarten. Last week we went and bought her some uniforms for next school term. She is getting to be so big. Granted, her little sister is almost as big as she is. I am afraid Elizabeth may be a midget.

Yesterday, I had another meeting with my ordination support group. I am really beginning to like these get-togethers and the process is really becoming much better for me. I am realizing that, though much of this work is tedious, it is not pointless. And, more importantly, it is about my desire to be submissive to the process rather than trying to run it myself. I realize that since I have been considering this for such a long time, and since I am no idiot, I have the tendency to see too many possibilities that could be the right one and I spend too much time trying to make those happen, when I should just allow God to process me. In the end, I will be less stressed and more prepared for waiting on the Lord. I am looking forward to the possibility of going back to school. I may try to start as early as this fall since I will have a scholarship to start working on my academic "deficiencies." And, if I like it, I may just keep working till I finish another degree. But I am doing my best to not get ahead of myself and only work toward the immediate goal for now.

In other news: What do you think about John McCain's repudiation of John Hagee's and Rod Parsley's endorsements of his presidential campaign? I wonder how this will be viewed in the evangelical camp. Not that these two ministers are all that influential in the grand scheme of things, but the idea that a presidential candidate would come out in opposition may be viewed in less than positive light. Although, it is Hagee and Parsley--it may be a deal clincher. He may end up better than he was with their endorsements. I think most people are more like me and think these guys are looney tunes. It is funny how McCain has tried to distance himself from them and indicate that neither of them were his pastor of 20 years. Funny.

I had a conversation this week about flag lapel pins. I asked why it was necessary for a presidential candidate to wear a flag pin and the answer seemed to be that if someone was running for president, they needed to be patriotic. Barack Obama neither wears a flag lapel pin not salutes the flag during the pledge of allegiance; therefore he is not patriotic and someone who wants to be president ought to be the most patriotic person in America. There have been an inordinate amount of rumors going around about Obama's patriotism, especially after his wife, Michelle, made the comment that for the first time in her adult life she is proud of America. I agree that her words were not well chosen; however, I think she was trying to communicate that she was pleased that for once a black man could run a serious campaign for president and actually have a good chance of winning. Most people will not give any public figure the benefit of the doubt and therein is the main issue.

Now the truth of the matter is that on one highly visible occasion in Iowa in 2007 Obama was seen with hands clasped in front of him during the singing of the national anthem, not while saying the pledge of allegiance. But there are several video clips of him on snopes.com showing him saluting the flag and saying the pledge of allegiance in the Senate chamber, even leading the Senate in the pledge.

As for the the controversy over the flag lapel pin, ABC News ran this comment from Obama:

"You know, the truth is that right after 9/11, I had a pin," Obama said. "Shortly after 9/11, particularly because as we're talking about the Iraq War,that became a substitute for I think true patriotism, which is speaking out on issues that are of importance to our national security, I decided I won't wear that pin on my chest. Instead," he said, "I'm going to try to tell the American people what I believe will make this country great, and hopefully that will be a testimony to my patriotism."

I think it all goes back to the question of "what is patriotic?" Am I unpatriotic because I never wear a flag pin? Granted, I am not running for president, but I really think most politicians wear the flag as a way to feign patriotism for political gain. I mean, I never wear a cross pin. Does that make me un-Christian? Of course we would agree that wearing a cross does not make us a Christian, but why are we so quick to judge a person's patriotism over a trinket? In some ways I think Obama gives many of us Americans too much credit for being able to deal with issues in an adult way. Sadly, I think Obama is an idealist, and you know what America does to idealists?

What's Holding You Together?

The Will of the Gods?

So, after the horror that was the long-endurance personality inventory Friday morning, the rest of the weekend was pretty quiet. It rained quite a bit over Thursday and Friday, so I thought we would be stuck in our house most of the weekend. But by Friday night, I did not care about the weather and needed to get out and about. So, we went to the touristy restaurant in Panama City Beach that we had never been to, Angelo's Steak Pit. The irony of a restaurant like this is worth the trip. It is a big steak house with a gift shop and a huge bull out front. It was fun. Then we went out to the new Pier Park mall. It is really nice. It has a Borders Books. I love Borders. It is nice to have one close again. It makes me feel like I am not on the other side of the world from civilization.

Sunday was a chaotic day, one of those where we try to put entirely too much into each service. Sunday night I had to lead worship for the youth service and we had a good time. I went a little longer than they normally go, but it seemed to be received well. I think many of them are coming around to the idea of engaging in worship. It makes me feel good to know that the soil has been cultivated well and some day soon there just might be a harvest.

In other thoughts~ I have not mentioned anything about the horrific natural disasters that have hit Asia over the last few weeks. I think the cyclone in Myanmar may go down as one of the worst in history, primarily for the government's failure to allow humanitarian aid into the country. The last report indicated that nearly 100,000 people may have been killed. Then, on the heels of the cyclone, the earthquake in China claimed tens of thousands of lives. It was stunning to see them pulling people out of the rubble. One of the worst was scenes of classrooms filled with children crushed where they sat. Unbearable.

Just after the "Christmas" tsunami of 2004, I read this syndicated article in the newspaper that I have since lost. It was written by a Jewish rabbi who had an interesting perspective on natural disasters and how countries deal with them. He indicated that countries who had not accepted Christianity, or had not been significantly influenced by Judeo-Christian ideologies, oftentimes were ill prepared to deal with catastrophes. His thesis went something like this: "Christian" countries have a great respect for the individual human life and when something horrible happens, they tend to come together to help each other through the trouble [think New York after 911]. Another significant thing "Christians" do is they learn from their mistakes in building or whatever and make sure that things like this do not happen again if at all possible. He mentioned issues of flooding in the Netherlands and how they all came together to help rebuild and to figure out a way to reign in the ocean so there could never be a flood again like the last one. The most significant point was that there has not been a significant death toll from a natural disaster in Europe or North America in over a hundred years.

On the flip side, the rabbi said just the opposite about countries who had not accepted Christianity, especially those in southeast Asia. They serve multiple impersonal gods, they do not usually help each other as much during times of great disaster, they go back to life as usual immediately, etc. You get the idea. Since they do not place importance on the individual human life, maybe because their gods do not seem as interested in their lives as the Christian God, they do not recover as quickly or at all from natural catastrophes. They do not value education in a western sense of the word, so they do not usually learn how to deal with natural disasters when they come around again. [When I heard about the shoddy building practices in the area of the Chinese earthquake, I was reminded of the 2004 article.] How does one deal with the thought that it must have been the will of the gods that so many people were killed?

I want to make it clear that I do not think these countries are being punished because they have rejected Christianity. Myanmar is one of the countries most closed to the Gospel, but it is filled with people God loved and for whom Christ died. The same could be said for China. Granted, there are millions of secreted Christians there. I really do not believe God does this kind of thing. Now, since the time this article was written, Hurricane Katrina, the deadliest hurricane in US history hit New Orleans. I believe there were over 1800 dead and almost 800 missing as a result of this storm. Granted, these are not numbers anywhere near the Burmese cyclone or the Chinese earthquake, but does the rabbi's thesis work in the case of Katrina?

What do you think?

A Census Taker Once Tried to Test Me . . .

So, today was the day that I finally got around to taking the first part of the psychological testing for my ordination candidacy process. After dropping off the little girls at preschool, I went over to the church where my mentor is the senior minister and took these personality tests. First, I took the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI-2) which is 567 questions. in length. Each question is a True or False question. Many of them have to do with whether or not you hate yourself, your family, or animals. Some of the questions were really difficult to answer (not the ones about hating myself or the family) and the more honest I wanted to be, the more concerned I got that maybe I should be more reserved. Who can say?

Then I took this "complete the sentence" exam in which they gave me a short sentence beginning like "My father seldom . . ." or "My ideal woman . . ." and I have to complete the thought as honestly as possible. The last question really stumped me: "Name three famous people (not religious figures) who you most admire and list the qualities of each that make you admire them." I could not think of one living famous person that I would want to be like, so I named some dead presidents that I have recently studied.

After the complete the sentence test, I took an additional personality inventory on the Internet that also included an IQ portion. I found after a while that I began answering similar questions differently. Maybe I got more honest as I went or maybe I was just too tired to stop and think them through as well as earlier in the process. The instructions said there was no right or wrong answer (except for the IQ portion) but there is always a wrong answer. I finished the exams at 11:00 this morning, 2 1/2 hours after I began. I am just glad that it is done. One more hurtle jumped for now.

I have started to get all of these informational packets from United Methodist seminaries in the mail since I began the candidacy process. I will have to take at least 8 or 9 courses to be ordained as a deacon, so I am interested to know what is available to me. I plan on taking as much as possible through distance education and through short-term residency in the summers or in January terms. Who knows, I may enjoy the courses enough that I want to complete another degree. I imagine if I decide to do that, I may be more inclined to take up residency at a seminary, though it is possible to do an "in-ministry" MDiv program through Asbury Theological Seminary that would allow me to stay exactly where I am for the duration. I am open to any possibility, but I am not going to go looking for this until after I am finished with the candidacy process. And, should I decide to move to go to school, it will be a good few years before that is even a possibility (and I would have to be able to find a church position close enough to a seminary so that I could finish school and still be gainfully employed). At this point, this seems so far in the future that there is no need to even consider it right now, but this has always been one plan I have had for myself--to finish a graduate degree in theology or Biblical studies. Time will tell.

Today I went to the girls' doctor to pick up an immunization and health form for Elizabeth's Kindergarten file and Madeline's allergy testing results. Oddly enough, the blood tests showed that Madeline is not overly allergic to anything . . . at all! I wonder if this is really accurate, since these past six weeks have been her longest period without an allergic attack of any kind in her entire short life. I mean, since we got rid of our dog, cleaned the carpets well, and got a new vacuum cleaner, she has hardly even coughed. I guess I should be relieved, but it still makes me wonder if the testing was just inconclusive. We may have to do a different kind of test just to make sure. I guess for now we will just be happy with these results.

Nothing else new to report, except that yesterday I read that a woman who was influential in my early musical life had died in December of 2005 and I did not even know about it. She was the co-founder of a children's musical group to which I belonged back in the day and I had completely lost contact with her (and the group, for that matter) until, providentially, I ran into her at a restaurant in Branson, Missouri back in the summer of 2005. I had no idea she lived there and even less of an idea that she was dying of cancer then. She seemed full of life and was interested to get me involved again as the organization was working in Texas as well at the time. I received some communications back in the fall of 2005, but nothing that would have led me to believe something was wrong. Then my life changed dramatically and I lost contact again.

It is amazing how we can lose track of people who were once so much a part of our lives. This happened with most of my friends from high school and from my growing up in general. It has already begun to happen with many of my friends and colleagues from Texas (though Facebook helps). Friendships are usually based on commonalities like geography or a workplace or an organization. But take those things out of the equation and how long does the friendship last.

For instance, there was a time shortly after I left Southwestern that I could talk to students or former colleagues about things that were going on there like someone who knew the place. But now, it would take so much explanation for me to understand what is going on there now, it would likely not be worth the effort to explain the circumstances to me. The commonality is gone. It does not mean the friendship goes away, it just has to change or it will die with the change of scenery.

Or, take this for instance ~ Six months before we moved to Florida, I got the opportunity to see several of my friends from high school again at an old friend's wedding. I had not seen most of them in over ten years, but immediately upon arriving, it was amazing how much the same it was with us. We talked and were really truthful with each other. I had one person tell me that if anyone in the world would understand something they had done it would be me. It was nice to see them and we promised we would talk again soon, but I have only spoken to one of them since (and this second and only additional time was in 2006 mind you). Maybe these friends were bound by a certain time and geography.

I have very few friends (okay, maybe just one) that I have kept with me for long periods of time without losing touch. It is interesting that these few are also the ones that, like me, have made major geographical and ideological changes in their lives. I believe it is these changes that have kept us yoked to each other since we no longer see each other on a regular basis and live thousands of miles from each other (the regular commonalities are no longer part of the equation). Maybe we actually know each other beyond the everyday bounds of place and time frame.

So my question for today is, how do we keep the common ground in our relationships after the geography or ideology changes? Is it even possible or profitable to attempt to keep them alive? Are some "good" friends meant to be limited by geography or ideology?

E. T. Is My Brother?

Check out these headlines:

Vatican: It's OK to Believe in Aliens.

VATICAN CITY - Believing that the universe may contain alien life does not contradict a faith in God, the Vatican's chief astronomer said in an interview published Tuesday. The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, was quoted as saying the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones. Check out the rest of the article here.

Televangelist John Hagee Apologizes to Catholics

WASHINGTON - John Hagee, an influential Texas televangelist who endorsed John McCain, apologized to Catholics Tuesday for his stinging criticism of the Roman Catholic Church and for having "emphasized the darkest chapters in the history of Catholic and Protestant relations with the Jews." You can find the rest of the article here.

I kind of wonder if John Hagee had known the Catholic Church would allow for the possibility of extra-terrestrial life, he might have waited to apologize.

I do not know which one of these I thought was more unlikely? I mean, aliens I can understand, but John Hagee?

Would Jesus Vote for Obama?

"I just keep thinking, if Jesus were alive now, he wouldn't necessarily be voting Republican."

This quote comes from a recent article in the Seattle Times called "Young, Evangelical . . . for Obama?" You know the drill. Many young evangelicals are becoming disillusioned by the Republican party and are becoming more independent than their forebears on the religious right. The article relates that most are not really jumping on the Democratic Party bandwagon, rather they are trying to find a middle way.

"I think a lot of Christians are having trouble getting behind everything the Republicans stand for," said Dudley, 20, a sophomore at Seattle Pacific University.

I can't imagine hearing this from an evangelical college student just four years ago. It makes me wonder how this election season has played out back in my very conservative, Republican former stomping grounds. I remember one of the older professors requesting prayer for Al Gore to win the 2000 election and most of the people who heard him thought he was off his rocker. Maybe he knew something none of us did?

I am always interested to know how the media deals with this type of information. How do you think the Seattle Times covered this story? Does it reflect your own evangelical neighborhood?

Nothing New, Except . . .

I have talked a lot about spiritual identity lately. Often I feel a little bit like a freshwater fish in a saltwater pool. I really think this is mainly my presuppositions about what church or my life ought to be like. Truth is, I feel more at home (and have stated that many times on this very blog) now that I have joined with the United Methodist Church and moved to Florida. But the working out of "home" still has its difficulties. Maybe it is more the horror of growing up rather than the trauma of denominational/spiritual/philosophical life changes.

Anyway, so Thursday I had another meeting with my candidacy support group--those four of us who have started the ordination process together. I find these meetings valuable, but I must admit that part of me is dealing with a major struggle that has to do with identity again. We had to take this ministry personality profile and my highest were "Musician," "Scholar," and "Teacher." I have always been an academic person. I find great joy in the tedium of learning something new (and finding ways to impart it to others). I find that I am making excuses for this trait again, much like I might have in high school or undergraduate school. I feel on some subconscious level that I need to change who I am to fit the group better and that really is not the point of this process. I guess I do not really want to be the teacher's pet, but I am taking this process very seriously. There is no question for me whether or not I should do this anymore. Since most of my life has been filled with ministerial things, I have really just been waiting for the appropriate time to make it official. Now that I have found a fellowship that fits well, I am ready to get this thing done. Again, I am in need of more patience to deal with the process and allow it to deal with me. And I should probably stop over-analyzing myself or the group dynamic for that matter.

Friday, I actually got most of the day off for a change. Granted, I had to get several things ready for Elizabeth's 5th birthday party that night at the church. This meant that I had to go to Wal-Mart for the second time in two days. Thursday I had gone there to the optometrist and had to wait forever. I also saw my quota of short-bus riders for the quarter, but, again, I was at Wal-Mart. I mean, I actually saw one of the cashiers spill liquid detergent all over the scanner. How does one do that and live through it? I digress.

We decided more than a month ago that we would volunteer for the "Date Night" closest to Liz's birthday and commandeer the evening's regular festivities for a birthday party. So, we had a Disney princess bounce house, a playground, a room full of games, and 36 children to help "celebrate" Liz's big day. Of course, not every child was there for her big day, but she did not have to know that. She had a wonderful time with her friends, some cake, and some gifts. And now we will not have to volunteer to command the reins of the Date Night activity for another year.

Saturday, we took Elizabeth to Toys R Us and got her some fun things. I was very impressed that she did not feel a compulsion to buy every single thing in the store. Until her next meltdown, I will think she had matured. She also opened her gifts from Aunt Shannon, Mimi and Big Pa, and Aunt Jen and Uncle Lee.

Sunday was an unusual day. We had only one service and a special brunch to celebrate our ground breaking for the building the church plans to begin building this year. So, I got to sleep until almost 7:00 rather than getting up before 5:30. I was worried because we were doing some things different soundwise, but things went as they should have, there was a big crowd, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. We were concerned it would rain, but thankfully, it did not. In fact, though the weather reports all said it would rain today, it never did. So before noon, we were all done and we had no evening activities so the rest of the day was mine. Sadly, we did not do anything exciting. Misty got a day to do nothing and I spent some time working through my Candidacy Guidebook.

Well, I guess that's about it. I am trying to figure out what to do with my Chinese money that I got from the IRS this past week. It will help pay for some bills and may have to go towards a new computer (my current one is about to go through my bedroom window). I am thinking of returning to the Mac cult after three years in the land of Windows. Please feel free to talk me out of it or not.

Spiritual Identity Crisis

Well, it has been over a week since my last entry. Last week was rather quiet after the weekend passed into memory. Not much to report at all. I had a few quiet days in which I did little or nothing. They really did not help me as much as I would have liked, but we take what we can get when we can get it. Mostly, I read. I finished a short biography of Thomas Jefferson last week, and I read a book called Founding Faith about the faith lives of Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, John Adams, and James Madison. It was insightful. It has become important to me for some reason to understand what the Founders believed. Currently, I am reading a book about American history. I guess I am reading these books now because I subconsciously realize I will be tied up reading theological books for the next year or so while I work toward ordination.

After my quiet days, I had a good Sunday to make up for the one before. I had an amazing experience at our middle service. As I was singing, it took most of my resolve to not start crying through the communion service. My favorite chariskooky lady was there. She is a great encouragement to me just by her presence. I cannot say how lonely it feels sometimes to be the most Pentecostal person in the room. It is wonderful and discouraging all at the same time. Suddenly, during this service, I remembered what it felt like to be Pentecostal and to feel the imminent presence of the Lord. This is something that I seldom feel for several reasons. Mainly it is a personal issue, that I am so busy about the business of "church" that I do not have time to be aware of the presence of God. But, on the other side of this, I feel constrained (and this may only be a personal constraint) to keep things decent and in order. I am also afraid that no one would know what to do if the presence of the Holy Spirit was made manifest in one of our church services. Sadly, this is one of the major contributing factors to last week's struggles. I really need to be able to have some time in corporate worship without leading it. I guess right now that is just not a possibility.

In ordination process news: I completed another round of tests and questions for the candidacy process. This is not a difficult process, but I am still trying to look for some meaning in parts of it. Our pastor talks about giving the congregation meaningful experiences quite a bit, that if we can do this, the congregation will be more committed to the church's vision, etc. Well, I guess I want this process to be most meaningful because I look at it very seriously. My problem is that many of the questions these inventories have asked about are things that for me happened many years ago, like high school experiences. Most of these things I have blocked. And questions like "What was/were your most significant religious experience(s)?" I thought this questionnaire was going to be about family and academic issues only, rather than about more spiritual experiences. I think if I had known there would be questions like this, I might have prepared better (you know, reflected on my early life a little more). Remember, much of this process, especially in the beginning, is directed toward a young person thinking about ministry. But some of these long-ago experiences are still significant in my life as building blocks, I don't know that they accurately reflect my life now. For instance, the questionnaire asked which church denomination has influenced you the most. And, for my life, it would have to be the Assemblies of God. But, just because this church has been most influential in my life does not mean that I still hold the 16 Fundamentals dearly.

And I still wonder what the UMC thinks of the Pentecostal movement in general, but I cannot lie and say that the UMC has been influential in shaping my personal theology. And, truth be told, my own reading and study, coupled with my frustrations with Pentecostal doctrines, have influenced me more than any denominational teaching I ever received. Maybe I am taking this too seriously. And maybe I am really still in the midst of a spiritual identity crisis that has overtaken much of my life for the last ten years. Again, I am hopeful this will come to an end. But I wonder whether the end of the crisis is a good thing for me. If I ever become happy with what I believe, I wonder what might happen to me spiritually. I think the struggle is part of the journey for me. I feel closer to God in the struggle and wonder if no struggle means no connection to God. Scary.

In other news ~ I heard about this group affiliated with my favorite "church" Westboro Baptist Church, you know, the one that pickets at the abortion clinics and at the funerals of soldiers. Eunicure purports to be a 100% cure for homosexuality and other sexual sins. No comment.