Random Acts of Offensiveness

Okay, so I drive by this church most every day. I was especially offended by the sign out front that read: "Wanted, the unwanted." I mean, wow! That makes me want to go to that church. "Hey, I'm unwanted! Can I play too?" I get what they are trying to say, but isn't this just another example of the church pretending to be interested in the lost?

In family news: Spring Break has been a little bit of horrible at the Keaton homestead. I mean, I have been able to run a couple more times than usual this week and I cleaned out my home office filing cabinet and I have actually read a couple of books, so somethings have been accomplished. BUT: My oldest daughter is not very nice to her middle sister. For the first couple of years, Emma deferred to Elizabeth in most everything. I remember telling Em not to let Liz bully her. Oh, how the times have changed. The constant shriek of Numero Dos when Uno has done something or said something to aggravate her. Well, I guess Elizabeth had enough Tuesday evening and she kicked her older sister in the mouth. I was made aware of this by the shriek of the oldest Keaton child as she ran into the living room holding her mouth. Well, let's just say Liz was a dead-on shot and drew blood. Emma had a loose tooth that was much looser by the time the scuffle was over. Not to say that it was much of a scuffle, since Liz kicked and ran. It was hard not to laugh because I believed Emma probably deserved it. We tried to explain that it was never appropriate to kick someone in the face even if they deserved it. I hoped that Emma had learned her lesson, but tonight at church she kept telling the story over and over again of how Elizabeth had kicked her "on purpose" and I thought Miss Liz was about to come across the table to give her another go. And what of poor little Madeline? When we put the big girls to bed, she scolded them awhile as well.

Madeline finally had an allergy test this week. So we hope to know what all of her allergy triggers are very soon. I am hopeful that she is truly allergic to dogs so I do not have to feel bad about getting rid of our dearest family pet. I feel absolutely wonderful that the dog is gone and the carpet is the cleanest it has been since we put it down a year ago. I no longer smell dog anywhere. I could not be happier about this turn of events.

We head to the land of dreams tomorrow. Maybe I will buy myself some Mickey ears and look like those overweight schmucks who buy them and think they are really cool. You know, if I put on felt mouse ears, I will look cooler to my children. Who's fooling who? If possible, they look stupider than usual and that is hard to accomplish when you have nothing to work with. I am just trying to decide which set of designer flip flops to take. Seriously.

[A Short Sidebar: My wife and I are not afraid to look dumb to our children. Since we are both highly educated folks, we do not worry that they may eventually consider us morons. We know better. We have already decided to French kiss on the porch when they bring dates home or wear "vintage" clothing to their PTA meetings. Remember, we are the people who are already telling our children they better get along because one day we will be dead and then they will only have each other. They are 8, almost 5 and 2 years old respectively.]

I had a nostalgic moment this week and ordered some Guarana Antarctica, the favorite soda of Brazil. I loved it when I travelled to Brazil and have had it only a couple of times since my trip back in 2002. I got the package in the mail today and immediately opened it to have a swig. Sadly, the bottle I opened was flat. Slightly devastated by this great debacle, I trust that the cans I purchased will make up for this sad turn of events.

And finally, my parents have purchased a second home in Okmulgee, Oklahoma. They plan to retire there eventually. I think it will be nice for them to be closer to family. I am glad to hear that it is a big house since they will need enough space to keep my children in the summers when I cannot stand to look at them anymore. If this Spring Break is any indication, I may need to ship them off sooner rather than later.