Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Well, this last weekend was eventful. Okay, so I had a wedding rehearsal Friday night and a wedding Saturday evening. That was pretty much normal for me. Sunday was miserable for several reasons that I will not go into on this blog, but suffice it to say it was a learning experience. Enough said.

But the weekend belonged to Emma Keaton, age 8. Friday afternoon Emma came in 2nd place in a cake decorating contest at her school. Her cake was in the shape of a baby blue Bay haven polo shirt. It was really cute. After my wedding rehearsal we went to see Emma's twirling recital with her "Majorettes" group. I still think it is funny that she is a twirler, but twirling is a big deal here so she is not mocked in the least. Well, she did well. She is probably one of the better twirlers on her squad, considering she does not really practice all that much. The big news of the night was that she was named "Little Miss Bay Haven Majorette Princess." This was the big all-around award for her age classification. She got a trophy, a sash and the all-important tiara.

Little did we know, but she was a winner elsewhere Friday night. I went to the Marina Civic Center earlier in the afternoon to view her art project for the annual art show. She was one of a few students per grade who were in the art show last year and we were really pleased with her "nomination." This year, they did a fund raiser and every child in school had an art project on display this time. I went to look for her painting, but it was not with her class. One of the art teachers goes to our church and helped me locate her piece and put it with the correct class. Well, long story short, she won 1st prize in her grade. We did not know that she won until Monday morning when they brought the paintings back to the school to distribute to the children. Needless to say, we were very proud of our little artist and "dancer." We took her out to Chili's tonight to celebrate her victories.

The only problem: Elizabeth does not quite understand why she cannot play with Emma's trophies. I am just waiting for Elizabeth to stash all of Emma's awards in the closet and pretend like nothing is wrong.

Thoughts on Calling

As most of you know, I have begun to process to be ordained as a deacon in full connection in the United Methodist Church. I think this is a wonderful opportunity to continue my ministry in the church in a more "official" capacity without having to pigeonhole myself into a preaching ministry in order to be ordained. As a first step in the process we were asked to read a short book on calling and ordination within the UMC called The Christian as Minister. I read through it a couple of weeks ago and was not impressed, but I knew I would eventually find some significant nuggets and maybe a reason behind the drudgery. I had borrowed an older copy of the book but decided to order a more recent edition for myself. I got it last week and started reading and it began to speak to me more the second time around. There were still things that really do not pertain to me, primarily because the beginning stages of the process are really pointed toward a younger person who is considering a life's calling, not someone who has had some time to come to terms with God's call (this is especially true of the "Candidacy Guidebook" I received in the mail this past weekend).

Anyway, we were "required" to read this little book and explain why we thought God wanted us to read this book. I think God wanted me to read it in order to be submissive to this process. Like many former Pentecostals, I find that much of this feels beneath me spiritually. I have considered these things since I was very young. If we learned one thing in the Assemblies of God, it was to consider vocational calling to ministry. Been there. Bought the t-shirt. But the truth is, servant leadership is not about feeling superior, it is about opening myself up to the grand realization that I do not have all the answers (have you read this blog?), never did, and once I am ordained I still won't. But hopefully, I will be a better servant.

Second, I think God wanted me to "hear" the following quotations on servant leadership and calling. Some of them are more specifically geared to the deacons orders, but most of them are about service in general. I hope they are significant to you.

"It is only by hearing, answering and participating in the divine calling that I can come to know who I am. We are not who we think we are; we are who God calls us to be." Gilbert Meilaender

Imagine, God calls us to be something different than who we think we are. I think we attempt to place our calling within a framework that fits us. What we fail to realize, is God wants to break the model and remake us in His image. I want to know who I am, and the only way to do this is to allow God to break my preconceptions about myself and what my ministry ought to be.

"'The great leader is seen as servant first.' The difference between servant-first and leader-first 'manifests itself in the care taken by the servant-first to make sure that other people's highest priority needs are being served. The best test is: do those served grow as persons; do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous.'" Robert K. Greenleaf

I think this is a true test of what each of us does in ministry. Are the people in our care better off with us in their lives than without us? Do we effect enough change in their worlds? Or do we allow God to manifest Himself through us enough that He makes a difference through us in the lives we touch each day? If we are not replicating ourselves in the lives of our people, are we effective minister/servants?

"Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You don't have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don't have to know Einstein's 'Theory of Relativity' to serve. You don't have to know the Second Theory of Thermal Dynamics in Physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love, and you can be that servant." Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

This is one of my favorites, because Dr. King makes being a servant sound like the greatest job in the world. What is sad is often, because of education or whatever reason, we tend to believe we are better than being a servant, when Christ Himself took on the garb of a servant. Just like Jesus told Peter, "If I do not wash your feet, then you have no part in me." I guess it is the greatest position that we can have. To be a servant is to be the least of these, and to be the last allowed to go first.

"The early church . . . set apart other persons to care for the physical needs of others, reflecting the concerns for the people of the world. In the New Testament (Acts 6), we see the apostles identifying and authorizing persons to a ministry of service."

"Within the people of God, some persons are called to the ministry of deacon. The word deacon . . . spring[s] from a common Greek root--diakonos, or 'servant,' and diakonia, or 'service.' Very early in its history the church . . . instituted an order of ordained ministers to personify or focus the servanthood to which all Christians are called. These people were named deacons. This ministry exemplifies and leads the Church in the servanthood every Christian is called to live both in the church and the world. The deacon embodies the interrelationship between worship in the gathered community and service to God in the world. " Book of Discipline of the United Methodist Church

I am looking forward to this journey with joy and hesitation, but I definitely believe it is the right thing. I see it as another step towards "home."

Failure to Love

This has been one of the most hectic I have had since before Easter. It seems like I have had something significant to do all day every day and every night as well. We had a dinner for new or prospective church members Monday night. I had my regular rehearsals Tuesday night. Wednesday is always full. Thursday evening, besides being Misty's birthday, the handbell choir played for our older adult monthly get-together. And tonight I have a wedding rehearsal and a twirling recital to attend. Tomorrow is the school spring carnival and I have a wedding tomorrow night. At least I am almost finished with my teaching for the semester. I just have to turn in final grades next week and I will be done for the Spring. This Sunday will be a less stressful one in some ways because our youth worship team will be leading at the 9:30 service and our older ladies choral group will be singing at the other services, so I will be able to just enjoy the services this Sunday. Granted, I will likely be more on edge this Sunday because I am not in control of everything that is going on. Sad.

I sang for a funeral on Tuesday afternoon for a man who died a sinner. The pastor didn't mince any words. It was short and compassionate, but truthful. I don't want to do that again anytime soon. It was a whole lot of misery.

I came to the stunning realization that my grandmother is old now. Granted, I knew she would turn 87 this May, but she has always seemed much younger than her age. Well, she fell through the bleachers at an athletic event this past week. She did not really do much damage to herself, but I guess she passed out.

I saw something stupid this week. We have these "exempt" train tracks that cross a street that I drive on most every day. They are exempt because they are impassable. There is so much overgrowth and I believe the tracks end only a few yards from the street. Every time a school bus passes theses tracks it stops. I know the law, but it is silly to stop at train tracks when there is no way possible for a train to be even in the vicinity of these useless tracks.

I don't know if you are familiar with Ayaan Hirsi Ali. She is a former Muslim who is a member of the Dutch Parliament and has had death threats from radical Islamists due to her anti-Islamic film about female circumcision. Last week I heard her say something to this effect: "Religion can be good. But one should never use religion to take away the rights of others." Her comments reminded me of something I read not too long ago and cannot remember where. It went something like this: "The church's greatest sin may be its failure to love." When we fail to love, we knowingly and unknowingly allow our rights to supersede the rights of others. When we fail to love, we miss out on opportunities to be Christ to our homes, our communities, our world. When we fail to love, we miss the entire point of the Gospel. "He who does not love, does not know God, for God is love." (I John 4:8)

I am still working this one out. I have had several opportunities thrust upon me this week to love the unlovable or to counsel with those who need a listening ear or to hold out hope that someone will surprise me by doing the right thing without being prodded to do so. So, on top of all the administrative things I did this week, I am exhausted from giving of myself in a more personal way. And, sadly, this has meant I have had less to give to my family this week. I hope to be able to balance this better in the coming weeks.

Days of Silence, Well, Sort Of

The past couple of days have been really quirky. Thursday morning I get the girls ready, drive to the church, get out of the car only to realize that one of them had gotten something all over my pants. So, I took them to their classes and did some prep work for Sunday and then decided to go home and change. It was about 10:45 when I got home and I thought, hey, I will run a little while, start a load of laundry and then have lunch and go back to the church. Well, the power went off almost immediately after I started the laundry and did not come back on for about two hours. Worst part of it, I could not get the car out of the garage because the power was off. Some of you may say, "You do know you can open the door without the garage door opener?" And I say, of course. But we had some trouble with the door last year and I was afraid that it would not work right again so I was stuck. Finally the power did come back on and I was able to get some of the things started that I wanted to do, but my day was spent in nothingness.

Thursday night I went with several of our church staff to visit with Chris Cook, a UMC Elder, who will serve as our mentor through the ordination process. I like her and I think things will go well. My only concern is that I do not take this process too fast. I am really motivated to finish this process as soon as possible and get on to the theological schooling part. I do not really want to take any courses, but I look at it as a means to get away for a while and have some time to myself from time to time. I read a book on Christian ministry for the next meeting in a couple of weeks and I have to write an essay on why I needed to read it and what God taught me through it. That will be interesting, since I did not get much from the first go round. I think my biggest problem is I have been involved in ministry for so long, these things that "new" ministers need to consider have long ago been considered. I had to take a test on ministry skills, likes and dislikes which is meant for someone who does not know if they want to be in ministry for sure or not. I keep hearing this "One size fits all" rationale to the early stages of this process, not that anyone thinks that is the best way, but it definitely is the way of the UMC. But I believe more than ever that this is the thing I should be doing at this point in my life.

This morning, we were awakened to Madeline's panicked cries. She was throwing up. It was just 3:00. I cannot tell you how tired I am from dealing with sick children all the time. It has become a weekly issue. She really is doing better in general, and since the dog has been out of our house, her allergies have been less severe. But, this week and the week before last she spent 2 mornings throwing up her guts. This time was worse. She does not want to eat or drink anything. I just hope she does not give it me if it is contagious. So, again, I am stuck in my house with little to do. Maybe God knew I needed a break and forced me to take one these last couple of days.

One other peculiar thing that happened to me this week~I have had two people accept my invitation to join Facebook and I do not know who they are. How has this happened?

In other news~

1. Is it just me, or has the national news media finally realized that poverty and hunger are staggering right now? I have seen a couple of news reports and read an article in the New York Times about hunger and the political ramifications of allowing food prices to skyrocket. I heard that food prices in general have risen 47% over the last year and I believe it. I have noticed lately that our grocery bills are extremely high and yet we are not buying near as much as we did last year or the year before. Even our faithful green friends who only buy organic products are having to reconsider these choices because the prices are going up so much. I worry about gasoline prices and what effect this is having on every other aspect of society, especially when I routinely pay close to or more than $3.50 a gallon. And I am tired of people asking the presidential candidates what they are going to do about gas prices. Really, what can they do?

2. Is anyone else amazed that the Pope met with sex abuse victims yesterday in Washington, D. C.? I was astonished that he has finally come to terms with the gravity of the situation and is willing to start a dialogue. I don't know if anything will come from it, but sometimes it is important for the victims to know that someone hears their cry for help and justice.

3. In other religious news~I am fascinated with this polygamist sect in Texas and the fate of their children. I want to go on record by saying these people are kooks, but it looks like, on the whole they love their children. I think it is horrible how they were taken away from them. I don't think what they are doing is right, but I don't think they are in a totally abusive situation either. Why couldn't they remove the girls who were pregnant and leave the rest until something more permanent could be decided? This has all happened the same week that the New York Times announced that Oklahoma has the worst record of abuse in any state foster care system. Too many children and not enough case workers or money to help foster parents, not to mention the random abuse and neglect and all the moving around. With as much trouble as the foster care system has in general, it makes me wonder why it was necessary to take these hundreds of children away from kooky, but nurturing mothers.

4. And finally, I have been watching this HBO miniseries on John Adams that ends this Sunday evening. It has been fascinating to watch because the creators have demystified the Founders in such a way as to make them real people. It is well-documented and entertaining and has set me on this trek to know what the Founders really believed about God and the creation of the USA. Part of this interest lies in trying to understand the tenets of my former life. In the evangelical world we talk about how all of the Founders were true believers in Christ and wanted to build a religious nation, the whole "one nation under God" thing. And, for the most part I always accepted this notion. It was heartwarming and made for some great 4th of July moments. But when I really began to read what they said some things began to clang as untrue.

For instance, back in 2002 Misty and Emma and I took a spur of the moment trip to D. C. and on the way we stopped at Monticello in Charlottesville, Virginia to see Thomas Jefferson's estate. We enjoyed it very much and as I like to do, I bought a copy of his version of the Gospels. Of course I knew what I would find, a book with all of the miraculous things taken out of it, leaving only the sayings of Jesus. I have heard some ministers talk ill of Jefferson, but they hold all of the others in such high esteem. But the truth is most of them were Deists or Unitarians who denied the divinity of Christ. Sure they believed in God, but their God was not really the God of the Bible. They were moral, effective, and vibrant leaders with keen minds into the psyche of their times, but they were not "Christians" in the liberal or evangelical sense. Even George Washington is in this camp. True, he did attend church, but he left before Communion was served most every time, which would indicate he was never confirmed as a member.

I guess I do not understand why we have to take things and propagandize them for our own benefit. This notion of "Take back the nation for God" concerns me and would have concerned the Founders. They understood the need to separate church and state (and I know this phrase is not in the Constitution, but it was their belief) not only to keep the church free from state interference (which is the side most evangelicals harp on) but to keep the state free of church interference as well. Now, I believe every Christian should vote and demand justice in the country and in the world and take action against evil, but when religion is too embroiled in politics, it becomes less and less about faith and more and more about believers' rights.

Part of my problem is I do not like basing even part of my faith on something that is empirically untrue. When I hear Christian educators and ministers talk about the Christianity of the Founders, it sounds more to me like they are trying to appeal to the Founders as a group that all Americans admire and, since they were Christians, then evangelicals are in the right because they are in the camp of the Founders. It sounds like a subtle way to enhance the profile of evangelicals as the closest in ideals to the Founders and I think this is completely untrue.

Here is a link to another blog I like that dealt with something very similar today.

Okay, rant over. Now I have to tend to my littlest angel.

Back from Never Never Land

So, our little family excursion to the Wonderful World of Disney started late Thursday morning. I went and picked up a prescription for Madeline and we were on our way. We had a good trip down south and stopped at Don Pablo's for dinner in Orlando. It was all I needed it to be. Enjoyable and Tex-Mex. After dinner we drove the rest of the way to our hotel. When I went in to register they had some trouble finding my name. I was a little concerned. They told me our room had been downgraded because all of the suites were booked. Now, I might mention that we purchased our room through Expedia, so that meant that we had already paid for the room before we ever got there. I was not thrilled, but they promised a 30% reimbursement for our trouble. That was fine. Only problem was we were put in a regular hotel room (nice enough) but it was right next to the interstate, so there was road noise all night. Let's just say, I bought some ear plugs for the next night's sleep.

Friday morning we made the decision to go to Disney's Animal Kingdom since we had never been there before (and we wrongly thought it might be a little less crowded than the Magic Kingdom on a Friday in early April). Can I tell you the place was packed? No, it was elbow to elbow most of the day and it did not start well. We got there early and went to "Camp Minnie Mickey." Well, there was nothing going on there at all and we had to wait for quite awhile for a Pocahontas show and then for the Festival of the Lion King. Both of the shows were well worth the wait. I can say that I was a little nervous and had Holy Land Experience flashbacks, but I was pleasantly surprised. There was definitely an environmentally friendly vibe throughout the park, with no plastic straws or lids and all the shows talked about conserving and poaching and all those mean things humans like to do to poor animals. There are not a lot of rides there, especially ones that are appropriate for little children, but we had a good time, saw a lot of animals on the safari (lions, elephants, hippos, and okapi or two, and many more), and had a good family adventure. All in all a good time was had by all.

Saturday we went to the World of Disney store at Downtown Disney and managed to leave without any major purchases. Thank You. Our trip home was uneventful for the most part and our house was still here when we returned.

Sunday was another one of those fun day without the predominance of my worship team at our 9:30 service. I am glad that Spring Break is over today. We had a special guest on the property today: a baby owl that sat up next to the window in our church lobby where everyone could see it as they entered the building. We expect mama owl to come claim the lost baby soon.

In other thoughts: I have been intrigued by this business with Oprah and her "church." Here is a link to a YouTube video about her beliefs and how they diverge from orthodox Christian beliefs. Most of them are things I have heard her say from time to time. Oddly enough, I think most people think Oprah is this great force for good (and she does some amazing things) and they equate this with being a Christian. Since she talks about God and spirituality we tend to think we know who she is talking about. But one thing struck me in particular. The folks who put this video together tended to lump the idea that God was bigger than any doctrines we might create with other more troublesome admissions, like the fact that Oprah does not believe Jesus is the only way. Seriously?

One of the greatest realizations I have had in my life is to finally come to terms with the idea of a God who is bigger than any denomination and more difficult to understand than any doctrinal statement. We try to compartmentalize God into a box we can understand, in terms that make us comfortable. But this is not who God really is, and the sooner we admit that we do not have Him figured out, the better we will be. This does not mean we cannot know Him, but it means we have to be honest with ourselves and admit that we cannot possibly have Him all figured out.

I also have a feeling there might be a hint of racism in the timing of this video, especially since they mention Barack Obama's presidential bid and Oprah's strong support for his campaign. Maybe I am reading too much into this, but I thought I heard: "Oprah is a New Age freak and she loves Obama, so what does this say about him?"


The pictures are from our trip. We stayed down the street from the big orange and we saw a skywriter writing I Love Jesus in the air above Kissimmee, Florida.

Random Acts of Offensiveness

Okay, so I drive by this church most every day. I was especially offended by the sign out front that read: "Wanted, the unwanted." I mean, wow! That makes me want to go to that church. "Hey, I'm unwanted! Can I play too?" I get what they are trying to say, but isn't this just another example of the church pretending to be interested in the lost?

In family news: Spring Break has been a little bit of horrible at the Keaton homestead. I mean, I have been able to run a couple more times than usual this week and I cleaned out my home office filing cabinet and I have actually read a couple of books, so somethings have been accomplished. BUT: My oldest daughter is not very nice to her middle sister. For the first couple of years, Emma deferred to Elizabeth in most everything. I remember telling Em not to let Liz bully her. Oh, how the times have changed. The constant shriek of Numero Dos when Uno has done something or said something to aggravate her. Well, I guess Elizabeth had enough Tuesday evening and she kicked her older sister in the mouth. I was made aware of this by the shriek of the oldest Keaton child as she ran into the living room holding her mouth. Well, let's just say Liz was a dead-on shot and drew blood. Emma had a loose tooth that was much looser by the time the scuffle was over. Not to say that it was much of a scuffle, since Liz kicked and ran. It was hard not to laugh because I believed Emma probably deserved it. We tried to explain that it was never appropriate to kick someone in the face even if they deserved it. I hoped that Emma had learned her lesson, but tonight at church she kept telling the story over and over again of how Elizabeth had kicked her "on purpose" and I thought Miss Liz was about to come across the table to give her another go. And what of poor little Madeline? When we put the big girls to bed, she scolded them awhile as well.

Madeline finally had an allergy test this week. So we hope to know what all of her allergy triggers are very soon. I am hopeful that she is truly allergic to dogs so I do not have to feel bad about getting rid of our dearest family pet. I feel absolutely wonderful that the dog is gone and the carpet is the cleanest it has been since we put it down a year ago. I no longer smell dog anywhere. I could not be happier about this turn of events.

We head to the land of dreams tomorrow. Maybe I will buy myself some Mickey ears and look like those overweight schmucks who buy them and think they are really cool. You know, if I put on felt mouse ears, I will look cooler to my children. Who's fooling who? If possible, they look stupider than usual and that is hard to accomplish when you have nothing to work with. I am just trying to decide which set of designer flip flops to take. Seriously.

[A Short Sidebar: My wife and I are not afraid to look dumb to our children. Since we are both highly educated folks, we do not worry that they may eventually consider us morons. We know better. We have already decided to French kiss on the porch when they bring dates home or wear "vintage" clothing to their PTA meetings. Remember, we are the people who are already telling our children they better get along because one day we will be dead and then they will only have each other. They are 8, almost 5 and 2 years old respectively.]

I had a nostalgic moment this week and ordered some Guarana Antarctica, the favorite soda of Brazil. I loved it when I travelled to Brazil and have had it only a couple of times since my trip back in 2002. I got the package in the mail today and immediately opened it to have a swig. Sadly, the bottle I opened was flat. Slightly devastated by this great debacle, I trust that the cans I purchased will make up for this sad turn of events.

And finally, my parents have purchased a second home in Okmulgee, Oklahoma. They plan to retire there eventually. I think it will be nice for them to be closer to family. I am glad to hear that it is a big house since they will need enough space to keep my children in the summers when I cannot stand to look at them anymore. If this Spring Break is any indication, I may need to ship them off sooner rather than later.

Nothing New Under the Sun

Well, the last several days have been a bit boring. Thursday morning, I had to sing for a "big" funeral of a local educator. My oldest daughter went to the elementary school named after him to finish up Kindergarten after we moved to Florida. There really were not that many people in attendance at the service and it made several people ask whether or not it is realistic to expect that droves of people would come out for a 96-year-old's funeral, no matter how famous or important he had been in the community at one time. I believe when someone lives that long, they outlive their fame and pretty much everyone they ever knew. All in all, it was a nice service. One of our local new anchors came and sang. She is quite the pageant type and sings all those old Sandi Patty hymn arrangements that change keys seventeen times. Fun. She is really nice and it was good to get to know her a little better.

Friday, I spent most of the day at the community college as normal. We had the longest recital on record that day with like 17 selections. Ho hum. I had a few of my students on the program and they did okay. Nothing spectacular though. Although, there was this one young woman who sang a musical theater song which included the word "nipples." I do not think I have ever heard a song with that word in it. It was a big hit with the college crowd. I am starting to notice that some of my students that I thought may in fact be hopeless are coming around. I am trying to be patient with them and not spill my guts that I think they stink musically and have no chance on this or any other earth of being successful in the field of music. Oh well, it is the life of a community college adjunct professor.

Friday night it started to rain and it really did not stop until Sunday. So, no fun for us on Saturday. No return to the miniature golf course or anything else for that matter. I read mostly. I picked up this book called Darkly Dreaming Dexter about a lovable serial killer. I had watched the television show based on the book and decided to read it. I like the TV show better because the characters are much rounder than in the book. Oh well, it was worth the read.

Sunday was one of the same old same with one major exception--I was almost alone at our 9:30 service because most of my worship team was out or sick. This is never fun and I am afraid I will have a repeat performance next week because this week is finally Spring Break here in Bay County. I am looking forward to not having to teach any of my voice students this week and not having to take my children to preschool. Mommy is home all week. We are planning a little excursion to the World of Walt this Friday. We still have a day left on our tickets from October so we need to go or we will lose it. We are planning to go early enough and have some real Mexican food for a change.

One last bit of news: I started working with the children's music program tonight. That was interesting. I do not consider myself a kid person, though I have three children who live with me. But it went well. There were not that many tonight because of Spring Break, but they paid attention and were interactive in a good way. We sang fun songs and everyone seemed to have a good time. I think this will be a good experience for me. Since I have never done any children's ministry whatsoever (with the exception of the occasional Vacation Bible School) it will be a good opportunity to learn to communicate better with the littlest treasures of the church. I just hope I don't have to bury any treasure before I'm done.

Another Dose of Servanthood

Okay, so I have had this thought rolling around in my mind for the last week or so:

"If you do things so no one will notice, how selfish is it to be disappointed when no one does?"

In other words, if you do acts of service or whatever in your ministry as a believer or in your vocation, and no one knows about them, should you be upset that no one knows they have been done? I like a little praise just like anybody else, but most of the time I want to do my job without a lot of hoopla. I have had enough accolades in my life that I do not need them to define me like I did when I was a child. I mean, I had a wall of trophies and ribbons and plaques. I have since thrown them all away because they were meaningless to me after high school.

But back to the present. I had this grand resentful moment last Thursday while reading a story from the old life about some wonderful thing that someone had done. Only thing was that I had done these things ten years ago, just no one really "significant" knew about them. I was a little offended because I know there were a few who knew what I had done and appreciated it, but soon I thought: "Why do you seek the praise of a world you no longer inhabit?" And: "What does it matter who knows what you do, if it is truly service to God?" And more personally: "Why did it bother me that someone else was receiving praise for something I too had done? Since I sought absolutely nothing in the way of commendation at the time, why did it bother me now that I never got it?" Was it just the fact that someone else eventually did? I guess "martyrs" can be a little petty at times.

So I posit this question: "How much tooting of one's own horn is necessary?" Or is this something completely foreign to the Christ-centered life? And why is it that we feel that we have to make sure people know what we are doing? Is it because we are a society based on action, and if we do all our service in secret we appear to be inactive and ineffective? I guess it goes back to my favorite quote: "You know you are a servant when you are treated like one and it does not bother you."