This week has been another one of those busier than normal weeks leading up to Christmas. I am determined not to get overwhelmed by all the things that are going on around me, but I am having a hard time selling this to myself.
Anyway, I had an interesting series of events occur this week, and they really made me question how I think God speaks to me. I admit that more often than not I am a sign seeker. It bothers me that I do this for several reasons. One, it is such a chariskooky thing to do. Second, Jesus called his generation wicked and perverse because they always asked for a sign from him. I just cannot help it sometimes. Things occur in sequence and one begins to assume this must be God's will for one's life. For instance, there had been this talk about me doing something at church and I was worried about having enough time to do this and still teach at the community college, etc.
Well, this week started with a thought-provoking sermon from our senior minister about being happy where you are. He said somethings that really struck me. For me, I understood fully that God wanted me to stop trying to cut a window in a closed door from my past. I realized how often, though I am happy with what I am doing and believe this may be exactly what I do for a long while, I still wonder about (and leave my options open to) going back to a life behind a closed door. For me, I really feel it is about my level of commitment and how much I really need to not only believe this is the right path but unabashedly plunge into swimming further down this river.
Well, back to the series of events. There was this sermon and then I went to the college on Monday to find that I was not scheduled to teach a class after all. Coincidence. I really thought this was the first confirmation that I needed to make this other potential situation at church a real possibility. So, I am thinking, "Great, God has worked this out for me." Some other issues at church had already begun to potentially work themselves out and it looked like God was a-workin' away at clearing my hazards. Only then, a big ol' road block was put in the way. The whole thing just fizzled. I was like, "God, I thought you had already worked this out for me and I was becoming okay with it, only to find out it isn't even a possibility anymore." And then, besides all of this, my first sign went away because there had been an editorial mistake and my class had been left off of the spring schedule by accident. No sign at all, just a human mistake.
I wonder how many times I have thought God was speaking to me when it was only indigestion. Or just plain kookiness or anxiety. Or, even worse, my own machinations to bring something about I want and the ability to will something into being and truly believe this was God's will in the first place. I am not going to worry about this too much, but it does make me stop and think about how I listen to God. On Wednesday, I was driving through downtown Panama City on the way back to church because I wanted to see the place where my handbell choir was supposed to play Friday night. Oddly, I had one of those "I never meant for you to work this out" moments from God. I am thankful for these times when I can see that God was already working for my good, and he didn't need a bit of help from me.
In other news, my choir had its first combined rehearsal with the 1st Presbyterian church choir this week for our presentation of Saint Saens' Christmas Oratorio this past Wednesday. It went really well and it looks like this will be a great musical offering. I am glad we are doing it as a concert rather than as a worship service, though. Again, a series of odd events led to a change in my plans that actually better suits my purposes this time.
I have found someone to help out with our youth worship team. He is young, wears flip flops and plays the guitar--really well. It is great to have someone who can do the things I cannot do and has a heart for ministry as well. I am going to learn to delegate if it kills me. I have to remember the lesson I learned years ago that as long as a ministry is being fulfilled, I can be happy even if I am not the one God uses every time.
The handbells played tonight in downtown Panama City and it went really well. We had quite a crowd and the ladies did a great job. We were afraid it would be cold tonight when we agreed to play back in September. It was 75 degrees. Afterwards, I came home and our youth minister's daughters had come over for dinner. One of their boyfriends is my biggest helper at the church. He is always willing to help out. Thank God for those people. He came over when we were done putting up the handbells and all the accoutrements and we all had dinner and watched a movie, sort of. My wife told me Wednesday that the younger daughter, who is 21, thought I was 40 years old. I think I am going to cut her.
And last, I finally got around to reading Velvet Elvis this week, mainly because a friend had gone to see Rob Bell last week. I liked it. I have talked about much of the same things that are addressed in the book on this blog. Again, it is good to read my thoughts coming from someone else's pen. It reminded me to keep looking for the divine in the mundane things of life and that even the best have off days and need someone to help them. And wondering about the things I wonder about is part of the joy and pain of the journey. Better to question things than to think you have all the answers. Who am I kidding? I would just like to have the answer to one question, let alone all of them.
TTFN
UPDATE & NDY GIG
12 years ago
4 comments:
“We can gather our thoughts, but the LORD gives the right answer.”
(Proverbs 16:1 NLT)
THANKS FOR THE POST!
EB
"chariskooky" ??? You sure about the spelling on that? Would that be God's rhema you seek or would a little logos suffice. You are, after all, Methodist. I jest.
Okay, so the way I see it, you are embracing the idea that spiritual grownups shouldn’t have to be led around by signs or physical manipulation (barriers; opened and closed paths; like toddler gates and outlet covers). Yet, you've decided God is not speaking to you through signs (i.e. "was not scheduled to teach a class after all" & "issues at church had already begun to potentially work themselves out"). You have come to this conclusion by interpreting "there had been an editorial mistake and my class had been left off of the spring schedule by accident" & "a big ol' road block was put in the way" "the whole thing just fizzled" (which, consequently, sound like a couple of would be signs to me). Curious.
So, what is God speaking to you, dude? And how? I wouldn't be so quick to assign God's voice to doors and windows and mistakes and opportunities. I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss these things either. Truth is, seems to me when God speaks, He also often moves. Understanding how He is moving; what He is up to comes in hearing His voice before, during and after the moving. Sometimes it is just remembering what He already said. There WILL be signs. They WILL be God. They just won't likely be His voice.
Just a thought anyway.
OK, if I said I would never look for signs, that is not what I meant. As much of my reasoning lately has been circular, I am trying to work out whether or not God is speaking to some upcoming thing, whatever that may be, in my life. And interpreting signs by signs (though, the latter signs were pretty darn concrete, at least for now) is kind of kooky I realize, but I never said that it was good logic.
And as far as my feeling that I need to not be worried with a door that is shut, is something very important for me right now. It is kind of an Isaac and Abraham thing, giving up something I love most or being willing to do so in order to find the greater blessing.
And as to what God is actually speaking to me now, or how He is moving, is hard to say. I am in a continued state of funk and need to shake it off, but am having a hard time of it. More to it, as well as the definition of some of my "signs" but this is not the forum. Christmas will be over soon enough, and the world can go back to normal.
I think Abraham was willing to give up Isaac largely because, to this point in history, God (or, the gods) didn't do much, well, you know, direct speaking to people. This voice was WAY outside Abraham's experience and social perspective. Furthermore, the idea that God would ask him to sacrifice his son was not novel in his day. People around him were doing that kind of thing all the time—sacrificing their children, cutting off their own genitalia, pimping out their daughters as a service to deity... According to Rob Bell (I'll throw him in since you mention him in your next post), this was the kind of thing you did in those days to feel some since of being "okay" with the gods. What made this different was that this child, THIS was the child of promise. Still, Abraham didn't question why God would want Isaac. Great faith or misconception about who and what God was all about? More and more I think there may have been elements of the latter (and yes, I know what Hebrews says about Abraham's faith regarding Isaac). But, again, Rob Bell would suggest, as Abraham raised the knife, God's rhema and subsequent provision were to say, "I am not the god who asks you to sacrifice the promise for my pleasure. I'm not asking you to give it up for me here. I'm the one who gives it up for you. I'm the God who provides."
I'm not, in any way, attempting to speak directly into your situation. I can't. I'm just saying Abraham's great exercise of faith was in the fact that he was willing to do what he thought God wanted him to do. It's just that it turned out this wasn't what God would want from him in the end. It was God's way of speaking to Abraham. It was God's way of blessing or sealing His blessing to Abraham. It was God's way of "outing" Himself forever as the God who gives and does not take. Follow the open and closed doors in this story. They were all EXTREMELY important in their moment but only ONE of them ultimately was the point.
I know I’m no help at all. Sorry. I am praying for you. In fact, I’m with you on this same issue more than I want to be.
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