Well, I can say that I am glad that another Sunday has come and gone. I love what I do, but Sundays wear me out, and not just because they are often 13 hour days. Since today was Veteran's Day we had a celebration of veterans at our Traditional services. It went over very well. There is nothing like putting pictures of our church's veterans up on the big screen to make for a teary-eyed, captivated audience. I enjoyed putting this presentation together, and I got to meet several people I had not previously met. But, of course it cannot be just about doing something nice for our congregants for me. Everything has to have meaning on various levels. And, so my first question is: "How much of a place should American patriotism have in our church services?" I have trouble with this every time we have a national holiday. Do we celebrate Independence Day or Memorial Day or Veterans Day? Usually I take a middle of the road stance and do "special music" or anthems with a patriotic flavor, but our congregational hymns are normally only about Jesus. Again, it is the question of equating patriotism with religion. It worries me, but maybe I am alone in my worries. Maybe I need to get over it.I am feeling a little homesick lately. Thanksgiving is especially hard since we live so far away from our families that we cannot spend it with them. We have a lot of folks who invite us over for lunch, but everybody does things differently and, to be honest, we would rather just spend it with ourselves than go along with other traditions. I guess it is ugly, but this is a place for the truth. We had intended to go out of town, but we have decided we spend too little time at home so we are going to stay close. When people comment about us being away for the holiday, I do not correct them.
Part of the problem I continue to have, and know will one day play a role in our decision to leave Panama City, is that we miss several cultural things about our former life. I miss Mexican food and good museums, the opera, and an airport that goes to more places than Atlanta. During our Christmas hiatus I hope to reconnect with some old friends and go to the museum. I am hoping to see this new exhibit of early Christian art from the Vatican, the Louvre, the British Museum and other international museums while we are in Texas. I am already making plans to see the King Tut exhibit over Christmas 2008 (I saw the best Tut stuff when I went to Egypt in 2005, but I would still love to see the exhibit). I have no intention to leave any time soon, but as I have said from the beginning, we no longer believe in forever. Funny thing is: the life that we miss no longer exists. This has become all too clear lately when I have visited the website of my former institution. Sounds like wonderful things are happening there. Numbers are up. I hear good things from my former students. I am even starting to miss some of the people that I used to work with. I would never want to go back . . . ever. . . but at least I would be glad to see some folks again and not feel completely awkward about it. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a colleague before I left, but after I had resigned. We were talking about years spent together and problems we saw in the institution and hopes for the future. I wondered out loud if maybe I had been part of the problem, that maybe my leaving would bring about a better fruit. You know, the whole "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it bears no fruit" thing. This was answered in the negative, that I was not a part of the problem, but I still wonder some times if God does not allow us to become unsettled to give us something better and to give where we were a fresh start as well.
Speaking of students: I have been attending our weekly student recitals and some of them make we long for the good old days. Most of my students are fairly talented and they have performed well. But some of the students have just been awful. I swear, one of them the week before was special and one last week, who, I was told, could not match pitch at the beginning of the semester, sang this note in one verse of the song that did not occur in nature. It was striking, and not in a good way. Wow.
I guess I am finding the courage to be happy for once. This is really hard for me, since I am always looking to the future and wondering what will come next. This next year, I will begin the process to become an ordained deacon in the United Methodist Church. So, no turning back. I never felt like I could be ordained with the Assemblies of God. I never felt the release to do that, and it was for no tangible reason. And it is not that I completely adhere to all the beliefs of the UMC, I just feel like the time is right to become part of the clergy officially. Again, I feel there is more room for diverging thoughts on theology, within an orthodox framework, within the UMC than in my former denomination. For those of you unfamiliar with an "ordained" deacon, this is basically a member of the clergy who does not deal with sacraments, is not required to be a part of the itinerant system to which ordained elders have to submit, but has a specific vocational calling like music or counseling or education. So, it is sort of like a deacon in a Baptist or Assemblies of God church, except that you have to have a graduate degree and work full time in a specific ministry area, though not necessarily in a church setting. It should be interesting, will help to rebuild my retirement nest egg, but will require that I go back to school to take graduate theological courses. I am looking forward to this like a hole in the head, not because they will be difficult, but because I could probably teach most of the classes I will need to take. Oh well, I guess I should be thankful for small favors.
I think it does take courage to be happy. It is a choice. I plan on choosing it very soon.
PS: Isn't that the happiest baby you have ever seen? She will be two in 16 days. I am deeply troubled about this. We have removed all the baby toys since she like the big girl toys much better, and will likely take down the baby bed and replace it with a toddler bed tomorrow. I saw a 3-week old baby tonight at church and for a split second wanted another baby. Thank God it passed. Three little "angels" are enough.
2 comments:
A few thoughts…
First, I once served in a church in Oklahoma where, to celebrate the 4th of July, and as part of a medley, we sang Dixie. Granted, we only had one token black person in the church, but it was still completely ridiculous and I feel that the music minister deserves one slap in the back of the head for every time I cringe thinking about it. Dumb $£&.
Second, Britain also celebrated their Veteran’s Day (called Memorial Day over here) this weekend. We had a moment of silence in church as part of the day. I have to tell you, it was a completely different experience over here than one I ever experienced State side. It was somehow so much more real. When we observed it in the States, it was always like we were honouring these stories that we had heard, but they rarely felt more real than the stories of knights and princesses that we heard as children. Here in London it felt very real. The war had taken place all over the city and, even in our own neighbourhood, there were signs of that war. A lady even stood up and shared that, when she was 27 years old, her husband had died in the war. The whole thing was very moving.
Patriotism in the church. That’s a tough one. I used to not question it. Then I started working closely with Canadians who challenged why we would sing “God bless America” and not include the rest of the world in our hopes of blessing. It was a good point. I’ve come to understand that when we honour the flag, we’re really honouring all that the flag is supposed to represent and also the men and women who have died to protect those freedoms (including freedom of religion). I suppose that when we celebrate patriotism in the church (in the U.S.) we do it believing that our country represents Christianity. I don’t necessarily agree with that, nor do I believe that America has a get out of jail free card that allows us to act unjustly and still receive God’s blessing. Israel didn’t have one. Why would we?
Next. You miss Texas museums? ??? How good could they have possibly been??? And the opera? Did they sing with a southern accent?
I'll write more later. Right now a girl named Osema is reading over my shoulder and I can't think!!!
Yes, I miss Texas museums. Granted, they were not the Louvre or the British Museum, but they were pretty good. The Kimbell in Fort Worth had great travelling exhibits and the book of their collection was one of the few American museum books I found in the Louvre gift shop. But more to my point, I miss being able to do cultural things easily, when I have a whim. Now I have to plan well in advance and take a trip.
And, no, the opera did not have a southern accent. Although, the Dallas Opera did have some quirks, like all the furs ladies would wear (not exactly politically correct in conservative Dallas, I mean, hey, the gay people are Republicans there) and the kilt I saw this man wear every time he attended the opera. I did not ask him "the" question.
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