I don't know about you, but as I have written before, I do not like change very much. Granted, this is often not expressed in my life choices, but it is true all the same.
Since my trip to Texas, I have been pondering the idea of kingdom. Most of the time when I speak of kingdom, I am talking about the Kingdom of God and how it is demonstrated or not in this world. Today, I am speaking of another type of kingdom, the kind of kingdom we set up around us to make us feel significant and the lengths to which we will go to make sure this kingdom stands. I have set up kingdoms in my life to make me feel more important, whether the people around me knew they were a part of it or not.
I had a youth pastor back in the day tell me that having a "platform" was important and that I should continue to cultivate the "platform" I had created while growing up in Oklahoma. I did not take his advice, though I thought it was probably true. Even back then, God had a way of making me miserable when I did not do the things I should. God has a way of forcing me out into the world whether I want to go or not. A few years down the line, I wondered if I had done the wrong thing and considered the possibility of running back to my place of origin to recreate my lost kingdom. Of course, that kingdom no longer existed, but it made me feel so important.
The most significant kingdom I set up was the one I left three years ago. It was one of the hardest places to leave because it made me feel even more significant than the older one. I stayed longer than I should have because I could convince myself that I was affecting lives for the Kingdom, that I was doing a great work, all those wonderful godly things. But I was building a kingdom for myself. And, though God's picture was on the wall, He was not always at the heart of my kingdom, or even always a part of it. I was very angry with people, with God, especially God, for destroying my kingdom. I still toil with this one, even though I know God calls us to sacrifice that which we love most in order to be refashioned into His image.
What makes me sad, is that I know there are people who have played a significant role in my life, who are still the captives of their own kingdoms. And the irony is this: they think they are in control of their kingdom, that since they created it or better yet believe God created it for them, they are in the right to continue to cultivate their kingdom. Sometimes this means hurting other people. Sometimes it means doing whatever is necessary to defend the borders of our kingdom.
I had someone defend their kingdom from me once and I have never been hurt so much. I had no inclination to pull down even the facade of their kingdom, but questions lead to defensiveness and defensiveness leads to an attack. Attacks lead to casualties and I was one. I realize now that this was part of the process of God destroying my kingdom and I am grateful for that. It continues to be the greatest act of change that God has brought about in my life, and though I still struggle with the repercussions of it (that is what sacrifice entails) I continue to live in assurance that God is here with me on the back side of the moon. But I worry about the fall that may come to the one whose kingdom was greater than mine.
Now, how is your kingdom holding up?
Since my trip to Texas, I have been pondering the idea of kingdom. Most of the time when I speak of kingdom, I am talking about the Kingdom of God and how it is demonstrated or not in this world. Today, I am speaking of another type of kingdom, the kind of kingdom we set up around us to make us feel significant and the lengths to which we will go to make sure this kingdom stands. I have set up kingdoms in my life to make me feel more important, whether the people around me knew they were a part of it or not.
I had a youth pastor back in the day tell me that having a "platform" was important and that I should continue to cultivate the "platform" I had created while growing up in Oklahoma. I did not take his advice, though I thought it was probably true. Even back then, God had a way of making me miserable when I did not do the things I should. God has a way of forcing me out into the world whether I want to go or not. A few years down the line, I wondered if I had done the wrong thing and considered the possibility of running back to my place of origin to recreate my lost kingdom. Of course, that kingdom no longer existed, but it made me feel so important.
The most significant kingdom I set up was the one I left three years ago. It was one of the hardest places to leave because it made me feel even more significant than the older one. I stayed longer than I should have because I could convince myself that I was affecting lives for the Kingdom, that I was doing a great work, all those wonderful godly things. But I was building a kingdom for myself. And, though God's picture was on the wall, He was not always at the heart of my kingdom, or even always a part of it. I was very angry with people, with God, especially God, for destroying my kingdom. I still toil with this one, even though I know God calls us to sacrifice that which we love most in order to be refashioned into His image.
What makes me sad, is that I know there are people who have played a significant role in my life, who are still the captives of their own kingdoms. And the irony is this: they think they are in control of their kingdom, that since they created it or better yet believe God created it for them, they are in the right to continue to cultivate their kingdom. Sometimes this means hurting other people. Sometimes it means doing whatever is necessary to defend the borders of our kingdom.
I had someone defend their kingdom from me once and I have never been hurt so much. I had no inclination to pull down even the facade of their kingdom, but questions lead to defensiveness and defensiveness leads to an attack. Attacks lead to casualties and I was one. I realize now that this was part of the process of God destroying my kingdom and I am grateful for that. It continues to be the greatest act of change that God has brought about in my life, and though I still struggle with the repercussions of it (that is what sacrifice entails) I continue to live in assurance that God is here with me on the back side of the moon. But I worry about the fall that may come to the one whose kingdom was greater than mine.
Now, how is your kingdom holding up?
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