Being Present

So today was Father's Day. Our minister mentioned this point today, but it was on my mind first thing this morning. Why is it that on Mother's Day, the sermons are always about how wonderful mothers are, but when Father's Day rolls around, all of us fathers are a bunch of schmucks who can't get their act together? It is a wonder that fathers do not get a complex, even the best ones. I think a lot about my role as a father to three little girls. There is always something to worry about--money, school transitions, family interactions, etc. One thing I hope my children never have to worry about is my presence in their lives.

I have come to realize over the course of the last several years that a father's presence in his children's lives is a key part of their formation as adults. How they view themselves and how they experience and demonstrate love in the future has a whole lot to do with how they were loved and engaged by their fathers. Maybe I have come to this realization because there was a time when I was more concerned about "providing for them" than engaging them. I have decided that, though providing for our children's needs is an essential part of being a father, it is not even close to the most important role. Since going into full-time church ministry I have never made as much money as I did when I was teaching full time and worked at a church part time. There are things I would like to have and things I would like to give them that I probably never will. I have to remind them over and over again that sometimes the joy of going some place is being together, not buying a memento. I am sure they just love that conversation.

I grew up in a close family, but I don't think I understood what close family ties meant until I got married. My parents-in-law were both products of large extended families. They all lived very close to each other and so it made it interesting to go and visit them because, no matter where we went in town, we would run into some relative. These folks liked to talk, especially my father-in-law. They would get together and tell the same stories over and over again. It was annoying really. The stories rarely varied, and I could not figure out what the significance of telling the same stories again and again had for them. As I look back, I understand that the stories were their family currency. They did not grow up with much money, but what they had were stories, shared experiences that were very meaningful. Honestly, I wish I could hear them tell them one more time.

A family can't have stories to remember if the members are not present. Today I took my children to the zoo and we watched a movie together. We make it a priority that no matter what, we will sit down and have dinner together every night. I have known too many men in full-time ministry who have allowed their church duties to supersede their relationship with their families. I am determined to keep my priorities where they should be. What really is more important than pouring your life into your child's?

My prayer for this Father's Day: "Lord, help me to be an engaged father who teaches by example and not by absenteeism. Help me be the kind of father who makes it easier, rather than harder, for my children to call you Father. Amen."

Drink Offerings

So, after the wonderfully crazy first five months of the year, I was looking forward to coasting along this summer a little bit. It is turning out to be a very productive season and, of course, that means I have more life events to over analyze. I am not an INFJ for nothing.

It has been nearly a week since I returned from our church youth choir's concert tour of Florida. We went to Melbourne, Miami, Key West, Naples, Sarasota, and Orlando. It kinda made me miss living in Florida, except the humidity which is definitely in full force there as well as here in dear ole southwest Georgia. I have to admit, I had the best time I have had in a long time. You forget when you get to a certain age how much fun, and how dramatic it is, to be a teenager. I had gotten to know some who are part of the choir because I would help out from time to time with sectional rehearsals and several of them were also in our church production of Joseph. But, you do not really get to know people until you spend 24/7 with them. I had the honor of taping doors at night and wishing all the rooms a night filled with pleasant dreams. I also got to go with them to several rescue missions, the Miami Rescue Mission being the most significant. Besides the serious work, we also had fun exploring Key West, touring the Everglades, shopping, and visiting Islands of Adventure in Orlando. I could probably blog for hours about the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (I bought a wand and a chocolate frog), but that story will have to be told another time. The nutshell version is we had a great time and I learned a lot about some very multi-faceted young people and my life is better for getting to know them.

If you are in church ministry, you realize you are in the business of people. I know this well, but I admit, there are times when I just want to do what I want to do. But something I learned long ago is that it is not about me. Nothing I do is as significant as what the Holy Spirit has in mind. By subverting my ego, I am much better able to serve the people He has led me to serve. This does not mean I do not have an opinion or desires of my own. What it means is my desires and plans are not what is important. I don't have to do everything just because I think it needs to be done. This is something that has taken me a long time to learn. For instance, I do not remember a time when I was not teaching music and working in a church. But since I moved to Albany, I have not had a desire to teach part time at a community college like I did when I was in Panama City. I think I needed to teach while I was in Florida because I was holding on to that image I had of myself as a college professor. Like I said in my last post, I no longer wake up thinking of myself that way. I believe for the first time that I do not need anything else, besides what I am called to do here. True, I have taken on projects that are not completely directed toward my music ministry (a musical, a summer Bible study, my ordination coursework), but they all relate to the greater purpose of the church in which I work. I really don't need anything else.

Now what I have learned through this process of moving to southwest Georgia is the importance of completely engaging the people I am called to serve. A little over a year ago, someone told me they were afraid that wherever I would go, I would find a way to disconnect from people. It was meant to hurt me, and I understood that, but it still worked a number on me. Our Enemy has a way of bringing people into our lives to derail us by telling us things about ourselves that are only partly true. The truth is, I am an introvert and as an introvert, I tend to need more time away from people than other, more extroverted personality types need. I battled over what this person told me for six months. And one day, the Lord just took it away from me. It was like I woke up, realized it was a lie, and decided not to live in that self-pitying place anymore. I am grateful.

The plain truth of all of this soul searching? If we are not pouring our lives into others, we are wasting our time. I cannot be worried about acclaim or prestige. I do not need someone to recognize me at the grocery store or see me on television. But if I can help one young person figure out their path, if I can be encouraging to the members of my church staff, if I can share hope with the members of my music ministry, if I can engage the community in which I live with love--then I have accomplished all that is necessary to a successful ministry. I am reminded of what the Apostle Paul said to his disciple Timothy: "As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing."
(2 Timothy 4:5-8 ESV)

My prayer for today: "Lord, make me a drink offering that is poured out in your service and the service of others. Holy Spirit, strip away any false humility and bring every motivation into captivity to your will, that I would birth in others something of eternal value. Amen"