Make God Laugh . . . Tell Him Your Plans

About eight months ago a friend posted on his blog that he had not heard from several of his fellow bloggers in some time and wanted to reopen the conversation that we have via the internet. Since we live so far from each other, blogging had become one of our few stable means of communication. Blogging for me was cathartic and healing. I grappled with some trying issues and personal struggles and in laying down my thoughts in written form, I was able to return to them, allow them to simmer, and let them go.


But, about a year ago, I realized that the issues I was facing and the struggles which were weighing on me were too personal to share on this blog. What was meant to be a faceless working out of my inner turmoils, became a source of turmoil for me. The nutshell version is that even though professionally everything looked like things were wonderful, things were not wonderful in this little part of paradise. My music groups were doing very well. My classes were much better than they were last spring. I took 4 graduate courses toward my ordination. Everything looked good on paper. But I began to believe, whether it was true or not, that I could not comment on some of the crazy things that were going on around me. I admit, the older I get the less I like conflict and conflict and drama seemed to be all that I could find wherever I looked. At home, everything was fine, but even there I began to seclude myself in my own private shell. I knew what was happening to me, but I felt helpless to do anything about it. I knew it was bad when, over the Christmas holidays I read 15 books, including all the Harry Potter books.


I promised myself when we moved to Florida that I would never feel trapped again by my surroundings or my situation, but here I was again in the midst of something that I could not control. I really wanted to hide. And, the sad part is that few people recognized what was going on. Last September, my church began looking for a new recreation director/minister for our new building and I was put in charge of posting our open position on the national ministry websites. I admit that from time to time I would look at open positions, wondering what life might be like wherever, but it had been quite some time since I had done this. So, when I started posting our open position, I also started to look at what might suit me better. Purely hypothetically, I had no intention of sending out resumes or seriously looking for anything new. It was September for Pete's sake. The girls had just started school. I looked anyway.


I came across a posting for a church in Albany, Georgia. I had to Google map it to figure out where it was. I was not really impressed, but I felt this odd compulsion to find out more about it. I sent in an inquiry email with a few questions. They responded back in all the appropriate ways, so I sent in a resume. I did not even attach references to this resume because I was not interested. I just really wanted another church to be interested in me. I would feel better about myself and get on with my life here. Pathetic. Well, later that week I got a call from this church asking for my references. I was in a quandary. Do I send them my references when I know I cannot possibly make a change now? I decided I could not and I told them to take my name off the list of potential candidates. It was done and over and that was that. Or so I thought.


About two weeks passed and I was going on my merry way when I got an email from someone I did not know. He said he was the youth pastor at the church in Albany. Oddly enough, he was a former Pentecostal as well. He told me that he and his wife had moved to Albany from a larger city a couple of years earlier. They were not really interested in moving, but were compelled by friends to come for a visit. They loved it. But, they could not get away quickly either and the church was willing to wait for them nine months before they were all in residence in Albany. I was in a bit of shock. He said that if I really felt like the timing was off that was fine, but if I was at all interested, I should resubmit my name because the church was willing to wait for the right person whenever it was right for everyone. I resubmitted my name and sent in references.


I admit that even doing this, I did not think anything would come of it. I think I was in such a low state that I could not see past my own existence to fathom that God might have a hand in all this. The funny thing is that I was so casual about all of this that I never told Misty until I resubmitted my name as a candidate. Let's say, she did not think it was all that funny. We got to looking at the town and schools and she got a little worried. Her main question was "Why there?" We have talked often about the possibility of a change in the future, but we always talked about moving to a bigger city, rich in culture, etc. This was definitely not what we were looking for. I told her not to worry about it. I did not want to move there anyway. I just wanted some encouragement. So we left it at that and months passed.


In December, my liaison to the search committee told me the church wanted me to come for a visit in January. I did not respond. Things were crazy in December at the church and they only got crazier in the new year. I finally responded to his email and told him I would not be able to come for a visit until early February. Their committee was okay with this and they sent me a packet of stuff to prepare for my visit. Well, things got even crazier at the church and I really felt like I would not be able to make a visit to Albany, but I began to realize that I would not remain in my current position much longer. Something just had to give. So, I called my liaison and talked to him about some things that I needed to know about his church and decided to make the trip after all.


What is funny about this whole process is that even with all of these signs pointing toward this little city in southwest Georgia, I still was not ready to say this was it. I had an interview with another church via telephone the night before I drove to Albany. It was in a nice church not very far from my old home. It was a great interview. I liked them. They liked me. We were on the phone for almost two hours.


As I drove into Albany the next morning, I thought to myself . . . the other church is the one. I think this church deserves a good interview, but I am just going to be myself and maybe not all that nice. What have I got to lose? This is not going to be a good fit. Misty really did not care for the place and was pretty adamant that this was not it, so I was prepared with some very pointed questions.


Then I met the staff and the committee and I cannot tell you how much at home I felt. It was kind of awful and wonderful. Most of the people I met seemed like old friends. It was astonishing. I still asked the questions. But I felt like I got the answers I needed. When I called Misty that night to tell her, she seemed different. She was okay with what I was telling her. Within a few days of my visit, she told the girls we might be making a move. You about had to pick me up off the floor. Within two weeks we went back to Albany to show the girls the town and the church. We had a great time. All the girls liked it. Two weeks later they offered me a job.


I admit that over the course of the first two months of this year I spent more time in prayer and daily Bible reading than I had in some time. I read through the Bible in 65 days. I cried more than I have in years. It seemed that I was only at peace when I was praying or reading the Bible. My family was praying for this whole situation, for a resolution to my personal crisis. And I believe the resolution has presented itself. Whereas we have enjoyed our time in Panama City, we are looking forward to a new chapter that will begin in the next couple of months.


I read this article in GQ this past month in which an odd source encapsulated my feelings about this entire period of searching: "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." I have long been a planner and I even now I still want to know everything ahead of time. I am having to remind myself that because God has been so faithful throughout this process, I have nothing to fear. But I do hope you will pray with us as we make this transition.