In Remembrance

Well, this week has been one of those weeks filled with weird occurrences and other wildly unexplainable phenomena. It also marks several anniversaries.

So, I started out the week driving around a Chevy Aveo since my car was being repaired. It was a clown car. Wednesday evening I got my SUV back and all is well. It was quick and mostly painless and I did not have to pay for any repairs. Hallelujah! Thank God the boy who hit me had good insurance.

It is official. I am now a proud, card-carrying member of the Democratic Party. Yes, I am probably going to hell now. And, no, it is not because I am an Obamaite that I joined up. I just decided to give the other side a chance for a while. I figure, I had been a Republican since before I could vote and was registered as one for 18 years, so it was time for a change, a change that I can believe in. Speaking of Obama, I read his first book Dreams from my Father this past week and it was pretty impressive. He has had a wild ride of a life with many thought-provoking moments.

I am learning at least academically what the black experience in America is like. I can never understand it as they do, but I am beginning to be more aware of the inequities that exist for African Americans. And, no matter what white folks say about everybody having the same opportunities if they just apply themselves and try hard, this is not completely true. Nobody looks at me when I go into a store and wonders whether or not I will rob them. My peer group encouraged good grades and success in school and this is usually untrue for many African Americans, especially men. God forbid anyone "acts white."

As far as memories go ~

This week marks my second anniversary in the blogosphere. My readership has skyrocketed over the last few months. I mean, golly, I think I have five readers now.

This week marks the celebration of the 20th anniversary of a youth ministry group I was a part of back in the 80s, Praisong. In some ways I wish I could be there in Oklahoma City to celebrate with the old folks who were a part of it in those early days, some of whom I actually still keep in contact with. I was there for the tenth anniversary, but I was also in a different place in my life then. I wonder what they might think of my change of life. But I do recall a moment with one of the founders in which she questioned then whether or not I might end up in places that most young Pentecostals might not want to go. Maybe she was a little prophetic.

This is also the week that I remember my mother-in-law's sudden death in 2002. It is hard to believe it has been six years since this happened, but Elizabeth was not even born yet. This is still one of the most horrific experiences of my life. I had never really lost anyone close to me, let alone in a sudden manner. None of us had any time to deal with her death. She was just gone. I have never grieved over anyone that much, and I wonder if I will ever again. It was as if I grieved for myself, for my wife and for our children who would never know a grandmother. Even when my grandmother died the next year, the loss of whom I thought might take me over the edge just a few years before, did not affect me in the same way. It is still amazing to me how much our lives have changed since that day. Unfortunately, the day she was buried was also my mother's birthday, so each year as I celebrate one I am reminded of the loss of another.

And finally, memories of my home church in Oklahoma City were at the forefront of my thoughts just yesterday as a crane lifting the steeple for the new church building toppled over onto the car of a man watching the festivities and killed him. He was the father of one of our former music ministers who was very influential in my early musical life. I grieve for the church, a church that is moving to a new location after many years, looking for a fresh start. I grieve for this family who lost so much in such a bizarre way. You can read about the accident here.

Tomorrow I have a wedding. It will be interesting. . .

Peace.

P. S.: I thought it was tacky, but someone stole Barack Obama's prayer from the cracks in the Western Wall when he visited Jerusalem this last week and published it. Ever the nosy rosy, here's a look.

News Roll, Monday July 21, 2008

You know, it is interesting how things turn out. I have had this whole struggle over the last few years with my spiritual identity, dealing with the perceived fall out over my decision to entire a new phase in my spiritual journey. Most people have been pleased with my decision or have given it absolutely no thought whatsoever. I guess it was a bigger deal to me than it was to anybody else. I guess it would have to be. My "therapist" brought out an interesting thought that I view a lot of things as failures that most people would view as just part of being human. He also said that I should be careful of perceived demons as opposed to real issues. I am working on this one. It was good to hear this from a professional counselor though.

So, I decided that I would read my Orthodox Study Bible the rest of this year. Well, I can tell you that they like their liturgy because the study notes on Leviticus are the longest I have ever seen in a study Bible. I mean, this was a book that I would gloss over each time I read through the Bible. I mean, I did actually read it each time, but I was not that interested in leprosy or menstrual cycles. Funny how they find Christ in all of the tedium. I think I could learn something from the Orthodox. To be able to find Jesus in the midst of seemingly unending rules. It was interesting that one study note said something like: "There are people who think liturgy is dead, but how can the work of the people be dead? It is only people who allow themselves to grow cold to the work within their own lives."

Sunday was good. I hardly slept Saturday night because Madeline came in about midnight and decided to sleep all over the bed as only an almost 3-year old can. But, I thought it was one of our better Sundays lately, especially the middle service. I hope the congregation is understanding this, but the Holy Spirit has been showing up to these services lately in a way that he may not have been until recently. I hope they sense the change. Maybe it is just that I am more aware of it, or that I am not as worried about what people might think anymore.

The latest news on my sad SUV ~ I took it today to have it repaired and a young woman from the Enterprise car rental place came to pick me up at the body shop. She was nice. I found out she was a member of another United Methodist congregation in the area, but that she had grown up at my church. Funny. I also found out that her mother drives her crazy and she is thinking about moving back to Maryland where she spent a few years after college. Everyone tells me everything. I am just glad that the car was not terribly damaged and I will have it back in a couple of days. The only bad thing is they put me in a compact car that reminds me of the one that hit me. No nightmares, just not used to sitting so low to the ground in a tin can.

More thoughts to come. I am waiting on a prospective student who will be singing on a cruise ship for ten months and needs a vocal coach for a few weeks before she ships out. I just keep thinking about the Love Boat. . .

Boring Was Fine

So, I made the cardinal mistake this week of telling my mother in an email that everything was fine, kind of boring really. Well, that was Tuesday. Later that afternoon, I decided to make a trip to Borders because the local Books-A-Million did not have what I was looking for. Now Borders is about 40 minutes from our house across the Hathaway Bridge that connects Panama City with Panama City Beach. Now, understand, this is not usually a story at all, but the bridge is the only way to get from point A to point B. What I did not realize was I was almost out of gas. So, I get out to Borders and it was a waste of time. So I head back towards home get to the bridge, see a lot of traffic, and find that I have almost no gas and there is no turning back. Our traffic here is a joke compared with most places, but our big bridge can cause some major frustrations. Short story, I coasted into the closest gas station and made it home. I remember praying that God would help me get to the gas station. I blamed it on the Devil, of course. It is amazing how quickly I can revert to feeling persecuted for my own lack of judgment.

Nothing else seemed to jinx my "boring" week until last night. We went over to some friends' home for a little get together. They are moving to Rhode Island to take a new assignment in the US Air Force and their oldest daughter was in Elizabeth's preschool class this past year. They wanted their little ones to see our little ones one last time and we wanted to bid them a fond farewell, since they were really active in church (she played in my handbell choir as a substitute and was on the preschool board of advisers with Misty). Well, all seemed well until our friends informed me that the young man who lived across the street had backed into my car. So, I went out to look at it and, indeed, it was damaged. It was not that bad, still drivable, but bad enough that the entire bumper will have to be replaced. He must have barrelled out of his driveway to hit me hard enough to break his tail light and dent my bumper so well (I mean, he had a little Suzuki). We called the police and they wrote up a report. I was very calm the whole time. (My psychological evaluation said I was not quick to get angry, although it did say that it is hard for me to deal with angry folks.) They were very calm. I felt bad for the young man. He had just turned 20 last week, had never been in an accident, and was on his way to church. Anyway, after about 30 minutes dealing with the police and all that fun stuff, I was pretty much partied out. So, we said our goodbyes. The parents of the young man who wrecked my RAV-4 had already called in the accident to their insurance, so this morning when I called to report it, they already knew about it. I guess that is a good thing. They will be taking care of everything and I will get a rental car to drive around until my car is repaired. Now I just have to wait until I can take my car in to be fixed. I am just glad to not have to pay for anything. Summer is always our least funded season, since I do not teach as much this time of year (and I won't get paid for the class I am teaching now until the middle of August).

As for things on the home front: Misty is doing much better. She had a checkup yesterday and all seems to be working well. The nurse practitioner told her she was the model patient.

Hopefully, I will not have anything newsworthy to report for a while. I have a date with 3 gorgeous underage women tonight while their mom has a girls night out. When do I get a girls night off?

Human Jukeboxes

Okay, so I was watching Six Degrees of Separation this afternoon. As you might remember, this was one of Will Smith's first movies. It was based on a Broadway play, and you can tell because there are few real set changes and there is a lot of very deep dialogue. The thesis of the play was that all people on earth are only six degrees away from everyone else on the planet. So, I know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone else on the other side of the world.

Toward the end of the movie, Ouisa, who was played by Stockard Channing (Are you making fun of me Riz?) is at a large dinner party talking about her experience with this trickster of a young man who entered her life and ran amok with her emotions in a way she was never prepared to experience. Here is what she said:

"But it was an experience. I will not turn him into an anecdote. How do we keep what happens to us? How do we fit it into life without turning it into an anecdote, with no teeth, and a punch line you'll mouth over and over, years to come: "Oh, that reminds me of the time that impostor came into our lives. Oh, tell the one about that boy." And we become these human jukeboxes, spilling out these anecdotes. But it was an experience. How do we keep the experience?"

How do we as Christians keep what happens to us without turning it into an anecdote. "Do you remember that time the Lord really moved in our service?" How sad it is when that is all the presence of God is to us, an anecdote, something to remember pleasantly. The truth in Ouisa's statement was that she did not want this experience to be lost. It was important to her. She did not want to become a mere human jukebox, spewing out witty stories that were interesting but not really life changing. If our experiences with God are truly significant, then they will be life changing and worthy of more than a tidy little story. I think she really did not want to go back to a time when everything made sense, everything fit into its box. She wanted to live in the change that this person brought to her life.

I want to live in the change that God has brought to my life. As much as I miss the life before, I have come to realize that by pandering to the humanity of missing the past, I am actually in effect telling God that what He has planned for me is not as good as what I had planned for myself. I cannot live like that anymore. As I continue in my quest to be ordained in the United Methodist Church, I continue to become more at home with my new church and with myself. These are all works in progress, but at the very least I feel I am making progress. And sometimes, progress is enough.

The Big Sort

There has been a good bit of coverage lately on a book published in May called The Big Sort: Why the Clustering of Like-Minded America is Tearing Us Apart by Bill Bishop. As much as we like to talk about diversity and multiculturalism in the church and in the United States more generally, the findings of this book make me question just how well we are winning this war to be inclusive and understanding of other people's lifestyles, etc. In a nutshell, the thesis of this book is that there was a time not too long ago in America when people of diverse political/religious/whatever other label lived right next to each other and had to deal with each other on a daily basis. Today, this dynamic has changed. More and more people are living in clusters of like-minded people, whether this be Republican/Democrat or Evangelical/Mainline. It is moving beyond this idea of blue states versus red states to segregated neighborhoods.

One of the main proponents of this book lately has been former president Bill Clinton. In a recent speech he had the following to say about The Big Sort:

"We can maximize our impact if we reach out to people who are different from ourselves . . . I want to recommend a book . . . He says . . . we are growing more isolated in our communities because we are living more and more only with people we agree with, and we are growing more isolated in our political debates because . . . we look at the television news and we read the Web sites of people who confirm what we think already. This is not good in a democracy. And so I urge you to read it."


"I’ll just give you one little factoid about it: In 1976 when President Carter and President Ford had a very close race for president. It was close in America. There were only thirty-two percent of our counties that voted for either one of them by more than twenty percent. Everywhere else in America there was a raging ongoing debate among friends and neighbors and people who went to church or synagogue or mosque or wherever together; they were all sitting there talking about this, and they were trying to build a sense of national unity out of their genuine concerns and debates. By 2004 ... it was also very close, but forty-eight and half percent of our counties voted for one or the other of them by more than twenty points."And Bishop has got a story in here, unbelievable story, about a brilliant developer in Southern California who did a market survey, and he found that in the area where he had the property, so he had to do the development, conservative Republicans and liberal Democrats were almost evenly divided, so, and he had one gated community he had to build, so on the left side he built houses that suited conservative Republicans, and on the right side he built places where you could have yoga and meditation and everything (laughter) that suited liberal Democrats, and he actually sold it out immediately, divided exactly as he had predicted, from his market surveys. Now, we’re laughing about this, but some of us are gonna have to cross the street, folks. That’s the last thing I want to say to you. I, we gotta --- "(applause)


"It was an amazing thing. So that’s the other thing I would say to young people: Do public service, not just with somebody who looks different that you do, but who thinks differently than you do. The way to --- we don’t need a phony unity in this country. The founding fathers understood that debate and differences were healthy, but you have to have them in a way that allows you to see the person who disagrees with you as a human being. Once we start doing big things together, we’ll figure out how to do it and we’ll do just fine. . . . "

I think this is significant for those of us who are trying to look past their specific demographic in order to see a more universal church rather than the white bread one I normally get. I guess the greatest concern I have is how polarizing issues tend to be. In the recent past we have seen the rise of evangelicalism in the military to a point that non-religious cadets at the Air Force Academy and West Point have brought charges against these institutions for catering to evangelicals and making it almost impossible to be successful if one is not religious in the military.

What this shows me is there is coming a point when our country will have to deal with two starkly contrasting positions: those who have grown up with no religious leanings at all, and those who have grown up with a fundamental/evangelical background. Both sides think they are absolutely right and constitutionally protected, and neither considers the rights of the other side. This alarms me because I don't think that Jesus was about infringing on others' rights. He knew what was right without having to knock people over the head with it. If this is not the case, then I cannot explain why he chose the disciples he chose or had dinner with the folks he came to call to repentance.

This has been a concern of mine for some time and is one of the reasons I left my former denomination. My biggest problem was that there was no room for dialogue on issues. There was the right answer and the wrong one and nothing in between. I am all about moderation and think it might be a good idea for us to try to come back to the center, meet people half way. But meeting people in the middle means we each have to take a step.

Catching Up With Family

So, I plan to talk about my psychological evaluation at some point in the near future, but we will save it for a rainy day.

The last week has been interesting. We played host to my mother, my sister and her two little boys this past week. We had a good time catching up, but with 5 children in our home, four of which were five and under, to say that the place was a-rockin' would be an understatement. I am really glad I had several days to myself, though you can never really prepare.

Over the week we went to the marina for the 4th of July, the beach a couple of times, to Destin to shop, etc. Of course, I had to pretend to work this past week and teach my night class at the community college, and get the big girls to their summer school (painting class and Kindergarten preparedness, not dummy training) so it was fun balancing these different parts of my life crashing together.

One thing we had not anticipated was that Misty had surgery on Friday to remove her gall bladder (see above). She had been having trouble and that was why we shortened our family vacation to central Florida a few weeks ago. But she went to Texas in the interim and we were planning for her to go to the surgeon on Thursday to set up a laparoscopic procedure in a week or so. Well, Monday she started feeling bad again and so she was able to move up her consultation to Tuesday. She went in for pre-operation blood work Wednesday and had the surgery Friday morning. The hospital actually called us two hours earlier than we had planned, so we rushed around and got ready and went to the hospital with my mom in tow for moral support. Aunt Jen stayed home with all five children. I think she had been drinking, because when we got back from the hospital about 1:30 that afternoon, she was a little glazed over. Just kidding.

Well, the middle of the story is Misty is doing as well as can be expected. She feels a little bruised, but is in good spirits. She was well enough to keep the children by herself while I did a funeral Saturday afternoon (Mimi and the rest left by 5 a. m. Saturday) and while I went to church Sunday morning. We have had a couple of families bring us food which is nice. I hate to cook, so we would have been eating out.

The last funeral I did was interesting and very short. I took it that the family was not in love with their father, or at least pretended that things were better than they had been. I am determined that by the time I die, my children will not be questioning my love for them or the example I set for them. Something about going to so many funerals makes me put my life in better perspective. Speaking of funerals, I have another one on Monday for the husband of one of my musicians. It is really sad because he was not old, just in need of a liver transplant. He was on the list a few weeks and just got too sick.

Nothing else really to report, at least nothing life changing. . . .except . . .

Personal Discovery Should Remain Personal

So, after the great success that was my patriotic musical celebration, I have had three things to look forward to this week: The beginning of my new class at the community college; My trip to Prattville, Alabama to visit with my counselor about my "psychoses;" and My family's return to Florida with Grandma and Aunt Jen and boys in tow.

Monday night I met with my new class for the first time. I have 33 students in a class that meets for 3.5 hours two nights a week. It is forever long, but I keep their attention with my winning wit and vigor. It is a good class with enough students who know something about music to make it interesting for me and enough of the rest seem interested enough to make the time go by quickly. I do not realize how much I miss teaching until I start doing it again, it comes back like I never stopped, and I become a tiny bit nostalgic. Not enough to go back to teaching full time yet (or maybe ever), but just enough to know that I need to keep doing what I am doing. Tonight there were a few girls who kept talking on and off through the third hour of the class and some students on the other side of the class kept giving them dirty looks. I thought it was funny. I guess I already have fans.

Tuesday afternoon I left for Prattville, about 3.5 hours from my house in Lynn Haven. I had a quiet evening so I would be in a decent mood the next day. I was uncharacteristically calm about this go-round with the conference counselor. This time we went over the results of my psychological evaluations that I took almost two months ago. It was amazing to hear myself described in such clinical terms, but there were no startling revelations about my inner workings. It was bizarre to hear him discuss my inner turmoil and anxiety and the fact that I was dealing with a "sad" episode at the time I took the test. Oddly enough, he was also able to determine that this was an episodic occurrence rather than an everyday event. The only thing that has bothered me about these little trips is the expense, mainly because of gas prices, but also because they have been morning sessions that have made it necessary for me to go up the night before. The getaways have been nice and quiet, but the price eats away at my pocketbook a little more than I would like to admit. Once I receive my copy of the official report, I may speak more specifically about the findings, but for now it is safe to say that things went as smooth as possible. And, I can say without reservation that I am glad this part of the ordination process is over.

Tomorrow the fam returns. I am looking forward to a full house this next week. We plan to do something fun for the 4th of July and spend the week together catching up. It will be the first time I have seen my sister or my mom since Christmas. That is the one thing I absolutely hate--living so far away from my family that I cannot see them very often. I understand it is a part of this getting to know me process that I have been on these last few years and I truly believe I have needed to do this in order to better serve my purpose for the Kingdom, but that does not make it any easier. Well, at least I will get to see them for a little while.

Peace

Believers are Dangerous

Well, since my last confession, several things have happened. We got a call from the doctor on Tuesday after Misty and the girls left for Texas. Looks like she will need surgery after all. So pray for her and for the rest of the family while mom recuperates. My four girls have been out and about since Tuesday morning and my house has never been quieter. I like quiet for a while, but it is getting old. I just want to tell some child to pipe down.

This quiet week was spent preparing for our church musical patriotic celebration this evening. I will tell you that up until today, I wondered if we would pull it off. But, true to form, the choir and other music groups pulled it together and did a phenomenal job. I wish I had recorded it after all. We had a covered dish supper and then our program of patriotic music. It went well and there was a full, very responsive house. I will refrain from discussing the fact that we had more at the patriotic shindig than we had in church this morning. God and country always seem to have a way of bringing out the best in people. I guess I should just be happy about it and not over analyze it. It was well-received and another point of endearment. It is nice to have fans.

In other news, last week I found out my "Understanding Music" class at the community college did not make. Well, this week, I was commandeered to teach another section of the course that did make but had no teacher. Odd, I know. So, now I have to prepare for a class with at least 30 students in it that I will start tomorrow evening. Funny, because of the timing, I missed the first two class meetings. At least I will get paid for the class and I do not have to prepare very much. It is nice to teach classes for which I already know all the answers.

I was watching this episode of Firefly, a cancelled sci-fi television show from a few years back, the other day. One of the main characters was a shepherd, a 26th century version of a pastor. In this episode, a very disturbed, yet highly intelligent young woman gets hold of the shepherd's Bible and begins to make corrections and ripping out problem passages. She starts telling him all that is wrong with it mathematically. Noah's ark is a problem. She wants to fix the Bible. The shepherd takes the Bible from her and tells her that you don't fix the Bible. It fixes you. I thought this was a good way to explain what faith does for us. It is not about everything in the Bible having to make perfect sense, but about the way it infiltrates us and changes us.

The movie follow up to the series, Serenity, also brings up the subject of believers. In a negative light, it discusses a man who is determined to undermine the plans of some of the main characters. This man is called a believer, and believers are dangerous because they do not see anything but what they believe. I have thought about this a good deal, how important it is to have something to truly believe in. It appears that most of us only pretend to be believers. Clearly, most of us are not dangerous and only true believers are willing to die for their cause.

This week I go back to Alabama for the second session with my ordination counselor. I was worried about it, but I have come to terms with my issues. I am sure things will be fine. But even if they are not, I know God will have a plan. He always seems to have a plan, whether or not I understand it or not--whether I like it or not. So, I might as well get used to it.

I got a new Bible this week called the Orthodox Study Bible. I have been tracking the progress of St. Athanasius' Academy's English version of the Septuagint since they began over a decade ago. The translation was begun by the same group of former evangelicals who entered the Antiochian Orthodox Church several years ago after searching out the ancient faith. [Their spiritual journey was chronicled in the book Becoming Orthodox by Peter Gilquist.] It purports to be a definitive translation of the Greek Old Testament for Orthodox Christians and contains commentary from an Orthodox perspective as well as thoughts from the Church Fathers. It is based on the New King James version of the Bible, but has some interesting differences in translation, not to mention its inclusion of the apocryphal books included in the Septuagint. You know, I like the Maccabees and Sirach as much as the next guy, though I must admit it is interesting and a little unnerving to see them and all the canonical books in Orthodox order. And, no, Malachi is not the last book of the Orthodox Old Testament. I have decided to try to read through this Bible during the rest of 2008. Should be fun, you know, in an Orthodox way.

I came across this passage in Genesis 16 concerning Hagar and Sarah. It is the passage in which Sarah offers Hagar to Abraham in order to raise up children since Sarah is barren. Hagar conceives and Sarah is jealous, behaves rather badly, and throws the now pregnant Hagar out of her house. Hagar is on the run and running out of options. The Angel of the Lord, a theophany in Orthodox understanding, calls out to Hagar and promises that her son will be a great nation. Hagar then calls God "the God who sees me" in this new Orthodox translation, as opposed to only the "God who sees" as the NKJV translates the verse. It is amazing how one word changes the entire meaning for me. Imagine, God sees me, and that is his name. He is known as the God who sees me. When I feel alone and do not seem to know how to cope, the God who sees me is there. It makes me want to be a dangerous believer.

Peace.

Christians: No One Path to Salvation

I found this significant article from Time about the role religion is playing in America these days. It appears the monolithic evangelical movement is not what it once was. Here are some excerpts:

By DAVID VAN BIEMA Mon Jun 23, 3:30 PM ET

"Americans of every religious stripe are considerably more tolerant of the beliefs of others than most of us might have assumed, according to a new poll released Monday. The Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life last year surveyed 35,000 American, and found that 70% of respondents agreed with the statement "Many religions can lead to eternal life." Even more remarkable was the fact that 57% of Evangelical Christians were willing to accept that theirs might not be the only path to salvation, since most Christians historically have embraced the words of Jesus, in the Gospel of John, that "no one comes to the Father except through me." Even as mainline churches had become more tolerant, the exclusivity of Christianity's path to heaven has long been one of the Evangelicals' fundamental tenets. The new poll suggests a major shift, at least in the pews."

"The survey's biggest challenge is to the theologians and pastors who will have to reconcile their flocks' acceptance of a new, polyglot heaven with the strict admission criteria to the gated community that preceded it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only religious groups to have a high majority of their adherents believe their religion was the only way to eternal life were the Mormons and the Jehovah's Witnesses. Thoughts?

A Tale of Two Weeks

So it has been a couple of weeks since I last felt the necessity to comment on la vie Keaton. I spent a week preparing to go on vacation and a week on vacation and now I am back preparing to get back into life as usual, basically.

It has been almost two weeks since I ventured north to Prattville, Alabama to meet with the conference marriage and family therapist. As it turned out, this initial visit was just that--and initial consultation, a get to know you time that lasted only about thirty minutes. It was a bit of a let down since it takes over 3.5 hours to get to Prattville from Panama City and with the price of gas continuing to rise, it was a fairly expensive 30 minute tete-a-tete. Even better, I will get to go back the week after next (July 1 to be exact) to have the longer consultation in which we will discuss the results of my psychological evaluations that I took more than a month ago now. I am trying not to stress about this, and right now nothing is bothering me. I just may have had a decent vacation after all. The rest of the week was pointless since I was about to leave. I just had to make sure that things ran smoothly for Sunday (which I hope they did) and that I would be ready to walk right back in the next Sunday (which I hope to do).

So, last Saturday we left for central Florida. The only reason we ended up going to Lakeland was because every other time share in the Southeastern United States, with the exception of the horrible one we stayed at a couple of years ago, was booked months ago. So, with some reservations, we headed down I-75 toward Tampa. We had an uneventful trip in my little Toyota RAV-4. The girls watched the Brady Bunch most of the way down. We checked in 7 hours later at a nice condo with two bedrooms, a full kitchen, dining room, etc. It was nice.

We had planned to do little things and then maybe go to Disney one day since it was less than an hour away. We started out by visiting Cypress Gardens, the oldest amusement park in Florida, on Father's Day. A few years ago it was almost closed, but was bought out by Wild Adventures in Valdosta, Georgia, just up the interstate. It was a lot like Wild Adventures, especially the rides. The girls really liked it. Unlike most amusement parks, they had a lot of rides geared toward children, so we had a lot to choose from. Emma has not been real big on riding roller coasters, but this time around I got her to ride all of the roller coasters in the park. Most of them were really tame compared to the ones at Six Flags or Universal Studios, so I thought this would be a good time to experiment. We got to ride an old fashioned wooden roller coaster that used to be in Panama City Beach called the Starliner. She did not care for that one too much, but she loved the more modern ones, especially this one called the Swamp Thing in which your feet hang out the bottom. I had never been on one of those before. The things we will do for our children.

Monday we stayed in Lakeland and went to their Children's museum. The girls really liked learning and playing there. We spent the afternoon at the pool. Later that night we went to the Rib Crib for dinner. After this little outing, Mommy got sick. It seems that she has been having some trouble lately. Tuesday we went back to Cypress Gardens since we had a second day free. Mommy did not ride that day and we left kind of early because she still did not feel well. Daddy took the little girls to the pool that afternoon while Mommy rested.

Wednesday, we decided to go into Tampa and visit the Florida Aquarium. It is really nice, much like the Dallas World Aquarium. We had a good time looking at fish and sharks and other aquatic life. Mommy started feeling bad, so we cut our day short and decided it was time to come home. So, Mommy called the doctor and we left Thursday morning to come home to make an appointment Friday morning. So, Misty went to the doctor this morning and has to have a battery of tests because they think it is her gall bladder for real. We have thought this was a possibility for some time, but Mommy, much like Daddy, refuses to go to the doctor when she should. So, instead of leaving for Texas on Monday as she had planned, Misty will be having blood tests and a sonogram of some sort. She will then leave on Tuesday to go back to Texas for a shorter visit. So, pray for us. Misty is not worried, but we hope it is not something really serious. While she was at the doctor today, I decided to get a little sick myself. I am feeling better now, just troublesome allergies and a headache to boot. Welcome back to northwest Florida to me!

All is Relative

Well, it has been several days since I was inspired enough to write something down.

This week was absolutely crazy at church. We had vacation Bible school, which was fine. It just meant that I was not able to accomplish much during the mornings and then, when I was able to work, I had to watch my children. So, not as much accomplished as I would like. And, our ministers were out and about this past week, so the rest of us kind of had to keep things afloat.

My handbell choir performed today at two of the services. I enjoy having them play but it is a lot of work to get ready for a performance. This week was worse. Because of VBS, I had to set up and tear down the bells and tables 3 times. Not fun. Wednesday night we had this picnic on the lawn and the worship team played some songs while Choir practice was going on, Misty was out of town so I was in charge of the children, and I had to get the choir and handbells together because the bells were accompanying the choir Sunday. It was a little bit of a disaster, but eventually we got it together. Today, the performance went fine. We played three songs, the last of which with the Choir and all in all things were good. It was our last hurrah for the season.

I realized today that if I did not know I needed a vacation, I do now. So, we will leave for central Florida this next weekend and I intend to be gone as long as possible, which, turns out to be a week. I have already got everything ready for the Sunday I am gone and for the one on which I return, so I don't have to worry about anything for a while.

Tuesday, I get to visit with the conference counselor to continue in the ordination process. Because I am nervous about it, I am planning to go up to Prattville, Alabama, just north of Montgomery tomorrow evening so I can have some time to settle down before my appointment at 10:00 Tuesday morning. I do not think this will be an ordeal, but I over-analyze everything and so I really could stand to have a calm night before the inquisition. Pray that they do not immediately admit me to an institution. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my children, but I have been with them almost 24-7 for the last three weeks and they are driving me bonkers. It will do me some good to have one night away. Misty has gotten a couple of nights away over the last few months, so it is my turn. I am planning to take a book and read in quiet. It will be a nice respite before my vacation with the children. The following week, Misty and the girls will go back to Texas for about two weeks. Then my real vacation will begin. Of course, after a day or so I will really miss them, but absence does make the heart grow fonder.

In other news ~ Obama is the Democratic candidate. I have never heard so many folks tell me they are afraid of him. Hard to tell if this is just political or if it has a little bit of a racial tinge to it. Thoughts?

The gay Episcopalian bishop of New Hampshire, Rev. V. Gene Robinson got married yesterday. Well, it was a civil union, which is legal in New Hampshire. Where does one register for a gay wedding?

I have been reading this book Head and Heart: American Christianities by Garry Wills. The book discusses the different facets of Christianities in American history and how different groups helped shape national trends in Christianity. There is a long discussion on the separation of church and state, the Great Awakenings, and slavery and other issues that divided the church regionally. I wonder, how much of our reading of the Scriptures or our understanding of God is based on the time in which we live and how others around us view them? I like to think of myself as a liberal kind of guy, open to ideas. But I wonder what side of some the very divisive issues in American church history I would have come down on had I been there to come up with an unbiased decision. Is my understanding and compassion towards certain hot topic issues completely biased by the fact that I live in the 21st century? Would I be so open-minded if I lived 100 years ago?

There is a song by Gavin DeGraw called "Relative." Most of it is not really appropriate to discuss on this blog, no matter how true it might be. But the chorus goes something like this:

And all is relative, relative

Everything is relative, yes it is

It's all about the way we receive it

How much we believe it

Depending on the life you lead, if you lead it

Compare it to yourself

Compared to someone else, you care

And if you pick the threads in your closet, the cash in your wallet

The color of the skin in your blood, and how you got it

Compare it to yourself

Compared to someone else, you care

I remember back in high school we talked about relativism as this great evil, and maybe it is. But I wonder how many of our beliefs are based on a certain relativism? These could be things we believe in or things we stand against, but how does the time in which we live effect our understandings of these beliefs? Maybe I am grasping at straws here, and maybe I am just tired and cannot quite communicate my feelings, but there was a time when people in the north and south were able to biblically support the institution of slavery and I do not think there is a person alive today who thinks slavery is a good thing. Truth is, it has not been that long ago that people of color were not welcomed in the church where I work, but, thankfully, that is not the case today at all. Or take something ridiculous by comparison: There was a time when a person would have been asked to leave a church if they were not dressed appropriately. In most circles, this is considered ludicrous now, but it was a deal breaker back in the day. Will there come a day when some of our hotbed issues, like homosexuality or insert other issue here, are viewed in the same manner?

Well, I seek your prayers as I begin this next round of the "process." God help me.

Do you need a passport to go to Alabama?

"Not That There's Anything Wrong With That"

It has been a week since my last confession.

First of all, Sunday went without incident. It was all good, really. We had a military speaker do a short presentation about his recent stint in Baghdad. He did a great job and it was really moving. He talked about how his Christmas was spent doing a Patriot Duty in which he had to time the company's salute to coincide with the passing of a casket for a soldier going home for the last time. It was really sad to think that we are still fighting so many years and so many thousands of lives later. Nothing more to say there.

Then, of course, we had the day off for Memorial Day. Misty spent much of the day cleaning out our garage. It looks great now, but it was quite a chore. We had spent much of Saturday planting and replanting some of our shrubbery. We had a young man from the church come out and do some additional work to make the front lawn more appealing. It looks really good now and, with the garage clean, we can actually move around with the cars parked inside.

Of course, this is also a week that I dread for other reasons. Our preschool is closed this week each year and so I was forced to hunt down other childcare possibilities. It ended up that I could find someone only for Tuesday and Wednesday. So, I have been with the littlest Keaton angels for the last 48 straight. I love them, but I am tired of children. It did not help that this was also a week of craziness from the wife. Several problems arose. First, she was expecting two end-of-the-year packages to arrive in the mail and they never came. She had what we think is another gall bladder attack late Friday night (a week ago) and then Tuesday night she bit down on something and a crown popped off. This was cause for the greatest concern because right now she does not have dental insurance. She found a dentist who is affiliated in some way with the school and got in quickly and painlessly. The crown was replaced without having to pay for the visit. Sometimes it is very nice to be living in a small town. Somebody we know always knows somebody else who can help.

In other news ~

What is up with Barack Obama and all these ministers coming to his "defense"? I mean, what is it about him that makes ministers, this time a white priest, think it is perfectly acceptable to paint Hillary Clinton as a racist and those who have voted for her as such? There must be something in the water in Chicago. I just cannot fathom that these people think they are helping him by bringing up the exact opposite of what he is trying to preach--tolerance and unity. The most stunning thing for me is that these bigoted diatribes are coming from members of the clergy who are supposed to take on the peace-seeking garb of Christ, not the clothing of hatred. It makes me wonder if some of these mainline church leaders see an opportunity to project themselves onto the political landscape in a way that only evangelicals have in recent years. If this is the case, how self-seeking can one be to use the pulpit to spread bigotry. There is a reason we have the separation of church and state--to protect both institutions from each other.

It has been a little over a week since the California Supreme Court issued its ruling in favor of gay marriage. It is interesting to me that, even though the state seems to be mostly opposed to the idea of gay marriage, the Supreme Court would basically decide to overrule the mind of the people. But that is a digression. Why is it that we have such a problem with gay marriage? Now, I am not a fan myself. I kind of always thought that being gay was a way to avoid getting married. And I know the religious right answer to that. "Homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord!" Or "The Bible says God hates fags!" Or my favorite: "Gay marriage will destroy the institution of traditional marriage and the family." I guess my real question is: "Will legalized gay marriage really destroy the institution of marriage?" I heard an interesting question on CNN last night from an average Joe who asked whether gay marriage or the 50% divorce rate in this country would do more damage to traditional marriage. It is worth thinking about at the very least.

All of this reminded me of something that Thomas Jefferson wrote in his book Notes on Virginia (1782).

"But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."

Now, Jefferson was talking about religion here, but I think the same logic applies to the gay marriage issue. What does it really matter if gay people are allowed to get married? It does not pick my pocket or break my leg. I may not approve of it, but there are a lot of things of which I do not approve that are perfectly legal. A gay individual commented on CNN that he thought gay marriage was relatively insignificant since there were still places in the world where gay people are killed just for being gay (and, I might add, these actions are often condoned by the religious establishment of these places). I am concerned that it will become one of those political issues that derails our country from more pressing struggles like the economy or the environment or poverty--and there is something wrong with letting these things slip to the sidelines.

That's all for now. I have to plan a date with 3 young ladies tonight. Mom is painting the town with her gal pals tonight, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Another Milestone and a Millstone

Today was Elizabeth's K4 graduation at the preschool. She did such a good job at their little program. She got to sing the ABC song all by herself. She had a small class of only 8 students, so the program was short. One thing I have appreciated about our preschool is that they prepare a scrapbook of the year's projects and pictures of the children throughout the school term. It is nice to have one of these for Madeline and Elizabeth. It is amazing how much they have grown in such a short time. We don't notice it so readily because we are with them everyday. Congratulations to Elizabeth for making it through K4. Now on to Mommy's school and Kindergarten. Last week we went and bought her some uniforms for next school term. She is getting to be so big. Granted, her little sister is almost as big as she is. I am afraid Elizabeth may be a midget.

Yesterday, I had another meeting with my ordination support group. I am really beginning to like these get-togethers and the process is really becoming much better for me. I am realizing that, though much of this work is tedious, it is not pointless. And, more importantly, it is about my desire to be submissive to the process rather than trying to run it myself. I realize that since I have been considering this for such a long time, and since I am no idiot, I have the tendency to see too many possibilities that could be the right one and I spend too much time trying to make those happen, when I should just allow God to process me. In the end, I will be less stressed and more prepared for waiting on the Lord. I am looking forward to the possibility of going back to school. I may try to start as early as this fall since I will have a scholarship to start working on my academic "deficiencies." And, if I like it, I may just keep working till I finish another degree. But I am doing my best to not get ahead of myself and only work toward the immediate goal for now.

In other news: What do you think about John McCain's repudiation of John Hagee's and Rod Parsley's endorsements of his presidential campaign? I wonder how this will be viewed in the evangelical camp. Not that these two ministers are all that influential in the grand scheme of things, but the idea that a presidential candidate would come out in opposition may be viewed in less than positive light. Although, it is Hagee and Parsley--it may be a deal clincher. He may end up better than he was with their endorsements. I think most people are more like me and think these guys are looney tunes. It is funny how McCain has tried to distance himself from them and indicate that neither of them were his pastor of 20 years. Funny.

I had a conversation this week about flag lapel pins. I asked why it was necessary for a presidential candidate to wear a flag pin and the answer seemed to be that if someone was running for president, they needed to be patriotic. Barack Obama neither wears a flag lapel pin not salutes the flag during the pledge of allegiance; therefore he is not patriotic and someone who wants to be president ought to be the most patriotic person in America. There have been an inordinate amount of rumors going around about Obama's patriotism, especially after his wife, Michelle, made the comment that for the first time in her adult life she is proud of America. I agree that her words were not well chosen; however, I think she was trying to communicate that she was pleased that for once a black man could run a serious campaign for president and actually have a good chance of winning. Most people will not give any public figure the benefit of the doubt and therein is the main issue.

Now the truth of the matter is that on one highly visible occasion in Iowa in 2007 Obama was seen with hands clasped in front of him during the singing of the national anthem, not while saying the pledge of allegiance. But there are several video clips of him on snopes.com showing him saluting the flag and saying the pledge of allegiance in the Senate chamber, even leading the Senate in the pledge.

As for the the controversy over the flag lapel pin, ABC News ran this comment from Obama:

"You know, the truth is that right after 9/11, I had a pin," Obama said. "Shortly after 9/11, particularly because as we're talking about the Iraq War,that became a substitute for I think true patriotism, which is speaking out on issues that are of importance to our national security, I decided I won't wear that pin on my chest. Instead," he said, "I'm going to try to tell the American people what I believe will make this country great, and hopefully that will be a testimony to my patriotism."

I think it all goes back to the question of "what is patriotic?" Am I unpatriotic because I never wear a flag pin? Granted, I am not running for president, but I really think most politicians wear the flag as a way to feign patriotism for political gain. I mean, I never wear a cross pin. Does that make me un-Christian? Of course we would agree that wearing a cross does not make us a Christian, but why are we so quick to judge a person's patriotism over a trinket? In some ways I think Obama gives many of us Americans too much credit for being able to deal with issues in an adult way. Sadly, I think Obama is an idealist, and you know what America does to idealists?

What's Holding You Together?

The Will of the Gods?

So, after the horror that was the long-endurance personality inventory Friday morning, the rest of the weekend was pretty quiet. It rained quite a bit over Thursday and Friday, so I thought we would be stuck in our house most of the weekend. But by Friday night, I did not care about the weather and needed to get out and about. So, we went to the touristy restaurant in Panama City Beach that we had never been to, Angelo's Steak Pit. The irony of a restaurant like this is worth the trip. It is a big steak house with a gift shop and a huge bull out front. It was fun. Then we went out to the new Pier Park mall. It is really nice. It has a Borders Books. I love Borders. It is nice to have one close again. It makes me feel like I am not on the other side of the world from civilization.

Sunday was a chaotic day, one of those where we try to put entirely too much into each service. Sunday night I had to lead worship for the youth service and we had a good time. I went a little longer than they normally go, but it seemed to be received well. I think many of them are coming around to the idea of engaging in worship. It makes me feel good to know that the soil has been cultivated well and some day soon there just might be a harvest.

In other thoughts~ I have not mentioned anything about the horrific natural disasters that have hit Asia over the last few weeks. I think the cyclone in Myanmar may go down as one of the worst in history, primarily for the government's failure to allow humanitarian aid into the country. The last report indicated that nearly 100,000 people may have been killed. Then, on the heels of the cyclone, the earthquake in China claimed tens of thousands of lives. It was stunning to see them pulling people out of the rubble. One of the worst was scenes of classrooms filled with children crushed where they sat. Unbearable.

Just after the "Christmas" tsunami of 2004, I read this syndicated article in the newspaper that I have since lost. It was written by a Jewish rabbi who had an interesting perspective on natural disasters and how countries deal with them. He indicated that countries who had not accepted Christianity, or had not been significantly influenced by Judeo-Christian ideologies, oftentimes were ill prepared to deal with catastrophes. His thesis went something like this: "Christian" countries have a great respect for the individual human life and when something horrible happens, they tend to come together to help each other through the trouble [think New York after 911]. Another significant thing "Christians" do is they learn from their mistakes in building or whatever and make sure that things like this do not happen again if at all possible. He mentioned issues of flooding in the Netherlands and how they all came together to help rebuild and to figure out a way to reign in the ocean so there could never be a flood again like the last one. The most significant point was that there has not been a significant death toll from a natural disaster in Europe or North America in over a hundred years.

On the flip side, the rabbi said just the opposite about countries who had not accepted Christianity, especially those in southeast Asia. They serve multiple impersonal gods, they do not usually help each other as much during times of great disaster, they go back to life as usual immediately, etc. You get the idea. Since they do not place importance on the individual human life, maybe because their gods do not seem as interested in their lives as the Christian God, they do not recover as quickly or at all from natural catastrophes. They do not value education in a western sense of the word, so they do not usually learn how to deal with natural disasters when they come around again. [When I heard about the shoddy building practices in the area of the Chinese earthquake, I was reminded of the 2004 article.] How does one deal with the thought that it must have been the will of the gods that so many people were killed?

I want to make it clear that I do not think these countries are being punished because they have rejected Christianity. Myanmar is one of the countries most closed to the Gospel, but it is filled with people God loved and for whom Christ died. The same could be said for China. Granted, there are millions of secreted Christians there. I really do not believe God does this kind of thing. Now, since the time this article was written, Hurricane Katrina, the deadliest hurricane in US history hit New Orleans. I believe there were over 1800 dead and almost 800 missing as a result of this storm. Granted, these are not numbers anywhere near the Burmese cyclone or the Chinese earthquake, but does the rabbi's thesis work in the case of Katrina?

What do you think?

A Census Taker Once Tried to Test Me . . .

So, today was the day that I finally got around to taking the first part of the psychological testing for my ordination candidacy process. After dropping off the little girls at preschool, I went over to the church where my mentor is the senior minister and took these personality tests. First, I took the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI-2) which is 567 questions. in length. Each question is a True or False question. Many of them have to do with whether or not you hate yourself, your family, or animals. Some of the questions were really difficult to answer (not the ones about hating myself or the family) and the more honest I wanted to be, the more concerned I got that maybe I should be more reserved. Who can say?

Then I took this "complete the sentence" exam in which they gave me a short sentence beginning like "My father seldom . . ." or "My ideal woman . . ." and I have to complete the thought as honestly as possible. The last question really stumped me: "Name three famous people (not religious figures) who you most admire and list the qualities of each that make you admire them." I could not think of one living famous person that I would want to be like, so I named some dead presidents that I have recently studied.

After the complete the sentence test, I took an additional personality inventory on the Internet that also included an IQ portion. I found after a while that I began answering similar questions differently. Maybe I got more honest as I went or maybe I was just too tired to stop and think them through as well as earlier in the process. The instructions said there was no right or wrong answer (except for the IQ portion) but there is always a wrong answer. I finished the exams at 11:00 this morning, 2 1/2 hours after I began. I am just glad that it is done. One more hurtle jumped for now.

I have started to get all of these informational packets from United Methodist seminaries in the mail since I began the candidacy process. I will have to take at least 8 or 9 courses to be ordained as a deacon, so I am interested to know what is available to me. I plan on taking as much as possible through distance education and through short-term residency in the summers or in January terms. Who knows, I may enjoy the courses enough that I want to complete another degree. I imagine if I decide to do that, I may be more inclined to take up residency at a seminary, though it is possible to do an "in-ministry" MDiv program through Asbury Theological Seminary that would allow me to stay exactly where I am for the duration. I am open to any possibility, but I am not going to go looking for this until after I am finished with the candidacy process. And, should I decide to move to go to school, it will be a good few years before that is even a possibility (and I would have to be able to find a church position close enough to a seminary so that I could finish school and still be gainfully employed). At this point, this seems so far in the future that there is no need to even consider it right now, but this has always been one plan I have had for myself--to finish a graduate degree in theology or Biblical studies. Time will tell.

Today I went to the girls' doctor to pick up an immunization and health form for Elizabeth's Kindergarten file and Madeline's allergy testing results. Oddly enough, the blood tests showed that Madeline is not overly allergic to anything . . . at all! I wonder if this is really accurate, since these past six weeks have been her longest period without an allergic attack of any kind in her entire short life. I mean, since we got rid of our dog, cleaned the carpets well, and got a new vacuum cleaner, she has hardly even coughed. I guess I should be relieved, but it still makes me wonder if the testing was just inconclusive. We may have to do a different kind of test just to make sure. I guess for now we will just be happy with these results.

Nothing else new to report, except that yesterday I read that a woman who was influential in my early musical life had died in December of 2005 and I did not even know about it. She was the co-founder of a children's musical group to which I belonged back in the day and I had completely lost contact with her (and the group, for that matter) until, providentially, I ran into her at a restaurant in Branson, Missouri back in the summer of 2005. I had no idea she lived there and even less of an idea that she was dying of cancer then. She seemed full of life and was interested to get me involved again as the organization was working in Texas as well at the time. I received some communications back in the fall of 2005, but nothing that would have led me to believe something was wrong. Then my life changed dramatically and I lost contact again.

It is amazing how we can lose track of people who were once so much a part of our lives. This happened with most of my friends from high school and from my growing up in general. It has already begun to happen with many of my friends and colleagues from Texas (though Facebook helps). Friendships are usually based on commonalities like geography or a workplace or an organization. But take those things out of the equation and how long does the friendship last.

For instance, there was a time shortly after I left Southwestern that I could talk to students or former colleagues about things that were going on there like someone who knew the place. But now, it would take so much explanation for me to understand what is going on there now, it would likely not be worth the effort to explain the circumstances to me. The commonality is gone. It does not mean the friendship goes away, it just has to change or it will die with the change of scenery.

Or, take this for instance ~ Six months before we moved to Florida, I got the opportunity to see several of my friends from high school again at an old friend's wedding. I had not seen most of them in over ten years, but immediately upon arriving, it was amazing how much the same it was with us. We talked and were really truthful with each other. I had one person tell me that if anyone in the world would understand something they had done it would be me. It was nice to see them and we promised we would talk again soon, but I have only spoken to one of them since (and this second and only additional time was in 2006 mind you). Maybe these friends were bound by a certain time and geography.

I have very few friends (okay, maybe just one) that I have kept with me for long periods of time without losing touch. It is interesting that these few are also the ones that, like me, have made major geographical and ideological changes in their lives. I believe it is these changes that have kept us yoked to each other since we no longer see each other on a regular basis and live thousands of miles from each other (the regular commonalities are no longer part of the equation). Maybe we actually know each other beyond the everyday bounds of place and time frame.

So my question for today is, how do we keep the common ground in our relationships after the geography or ideology changes? Is it even possible or profitable to attempt to keep them alive? Are some "good" friends meant to be limited by geography or ideology?

E. T. Is My Brother?

Check out these headlines:

Vatican: It's OK to Believe in Aliens.

VATICAN CITY - Believing that the universe may contain alien life does not contradict a faith in God, the Vatican's chief astronomer said in an interview published Tuesday. The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, was quoted as saying the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones. Check out the rest of the article here.

Televangelist John Hagee Apologizes to Catholics

WASHINGTON - John Hagee, an influential Texas televangelist who endorsed John McCain, apologized to Catholics Tuesday for his stinging criticism of the Roman Catholic Church and for having "emphasized the darkest chapters in the history of Catholic and Protestant relations with the Jews." You can find the rest of the article here.

I kind of wonder if John Hagee had known the Catholic Church would allow for the possibility of extra-terrestrial life, he might have waited to apologize.

I do not know which one of these I thought was more unlikely? I mean, aliens I can understand, but John Hagee?

Would Jesus Vote for Obama?

"I just keep thinking, if Jesus were alive now, he wouldn't necessarily be voting Republican."

This quote comes from a recent article in the Seattle Times called "Young, Evangelical . . . for Obama?" You know the drill. Many young evangelicals are becoming disillusioned by the Republican party and are becoming more independent than their forebears on the religious right. The article relates that most are not really jumping on the Democratic Party bandwagon, rather they are trying to find a middle way.

"I think a lot of Christians are having trouble getting behind everything the Republicans stand for," said Dudley, 20, a sophomore at Seattle Pacific University.

I can't imagine hearing this from an evangelical college student just four years ago. It makes me wonder how this election season has played out back in my very conservative, Republican former stomping grounds. I remember one of the older professors requesting prayer for Al Gore to win the 2000 election and most of the people who heard him thought he was off his rocker. Maybe he knew something none of us did?

I am always interested to know how the media deals with this type of information. How do you think the Seattle Times covered this story? Does it reflect your own evangelical neighborhood?

Nothing New, Except . . .

I have talked a lot about spiritual identity lately. Often I feel a little bit like a freshwater fish in a saltwater pool. I really think this is mainly my presuppositions about what church or my life ought to be like. Truth is, I feel more at home (and have stated that many times on this very blog) now that I have joined with the United Methodist Church and moved to Florida. But the working out of "home" still has its difficulties. Maybe it is more the horror of growing up rather than the trauma of denominational/spiritual/philosophical life changes.

Anyway, so Thursday I had another meeting with my candidacy support group--those four of us who have started the ordination process together. I find these meetings valuable, but I must admit that part of me is dealing with a major struggle that has to do with identity again. We had to take this ministry personality profile and my highest were "Musician," "Scholar," and "Teacher." I have always been an academic person. I find great joy in the tedium of learning something new (and finding ways to impart it to others). I find that I am making excuses for this trait again, much like I might have in high school or undergraduate school. I feel on some subconscious level that I need to change who I am to fit the group better and that really is not the point of this process. I guess I do not really want to be the teacher's pet, but I am taking this process very seriously. There is no question for me whether or not I should do this anymore. Since most of my life has been filled with ministerial things, I have really just been waiting for the appropriate time to make it official. Now that I have found a fellowship that fits well, I am ready to get this thing done. Again, I am in need of more patience to deal with the process and allow it to deal with me. And I should probably stop over-analyzing myself or the group dynamic for that matter.

Friday, I actually got most of the day off for a change. Granted, I had to get several things ready for Elizabeth's 5th birthday party that night at the church. This meant that I had to go to Wal-Mart for the second time in two days. Thursday I had gone there to the optometrist and had to wait forever. I also saw my quota of short-bus riders for the quarter, but, again, I was at Wal-Mart. I mean, I actually saw one of the cashiers spill liquid detergent all over the scanner. How does one do that and live through it? I digress.

We decided more than a month ago that we would volunteer for the "Date Night" closest to Liz's birthday and commandeer the evening's regular festivities for a birthday party. So, we had a Disney princess bounce house, a playground, a room full of games, and 36 children to help "celebrate" Liz's big day. Of course, not every child was there for her big day, but she did not have to know that. She had a wonderful time with her friends, some cake, and some gifts. And now we will not have to volunteer to command the reins of the Date Night activity for another year.

Saturday, we took Elizabeth to Toys R Us and got her some fun things. I was very impressed that she did not feel a compulsion to buy every single thing in the store. Until her next meltdown, I will think she had matured. She also opened her gifts from Aunt Shannon, Mimi and Big Pa, and Aunt Jen and Uncle Lee.

Sunday was an unusual day. We had only one service and a special brunch to celebrate our ground breaking for the building the church plans to begin building this year. So, I got to sleep until almost 7:00 rather than getting up before 5:30. I was worried because we were doing some things different soundwise, but things went as they should have, there was a big crowd, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. We were concerned it would rain, but thankfully, it did not. In fact, though the weather reports all said it would rain today, it never did. So before noon, we were all done and we had no evening activities so the rest of the day was mine. Sadly, we did not do anything exciting. Misty got a day to do nothing and I spent some time working through my Candidacy Guidebook.

Well, I guess that's about it. I am trying to figure out what to do with my Chinese money that I got from the IRS this past week. It will help pay for some bills and may have to go towards a new computer (my current one is about to go through my bedroom window). I am thinking of returning to the Mac cult after three years in the land of Windows. Please feel free to talk me out of it or not.

Spiritual Identity Crisis

Well, it has been over a week since my last entry. Last week was rather quiet after the weekend passed into memory. Not much to report at all. I had a few quiet days in which I did little or nothing. They really did not help me as much as I would have liked, but we take what we can get when we can get it. Mostly, I read. I finished a short biography of Thomas Jefferson last week, and I read a book called Founding Faith about the faith lives of Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, John Adams, and James Madison. It was insightful. It has become important to me for some reason to understand what the Founders believed. Currently, I am reading a book about American history. I guess I am reading these books now because I subconsciously realize I will be tied up reading theological books for the next year or so while I work toward ordination.

After my quiet days, I had a good Sunday to make up for the one before. I had an amazing experience at our middle service. As I was singing, it took most of my resolve to not start crying through the communion service. My favorite chariskooky lady was there. She is a great encouragement to me just by her presence. I cannot say how lonely it feels sometimes to be the most Pentecostal person in the room. It is wonderful and discouraging all at the same time. Suddenly, during this service, I remembered what it felt like to be Pentecostal and to feel the imminent presence of the Lord. This is something that I seldom feel for several reasons. Mainly it is a personal issue, that I am so busy about the business of "church" that I do not have time to be aware of the presence of God. But, on the other side of this, I feel constrained (and this may only be a personal constraint) to keep things decent and in order. I am also afraid that no one would know what to do if the presence of the Holy Spirit was made manifest in one of our church services. Sadly, this is one of the major contributing factors to last week's struggles. I really need to be able to have some time in corporate worship without leading it. I guess right now that is just not a possibility.

In ordination process news: I completed another round of tests and questions for the candidacy process. This is not a difficult process, but I am still trying to look for some meaning in parts of it. Our pastor talks about giving the congregation meaningful experiences quite a bit, that if we can do this, the congregation will be more committed to the church's vision, etc. Well, I guess I want this process to be most meaningful because I look at it very seriously. My problem is that many of the questions these inventories have asked about are things that for me happened many years ago, like high school experiences. Most of these things I have blocked. And questions like "What was/were your most significant religious experience(s)?" I thought this questionnaire was going to be about family and academic issues only, rather than about more spiritual experiences. I think if I had known there would be questions like this, I might have prepared better (you know, reflected on my early life a little more). Remember, much of this process, especially in the beginning, is directed toward a young person thinking about ministry. But some of these long-ago experiences are still significant in my life as building blocks, I don't know that they accurately reflect my life now. For instance, the questionnaire asked which church denomination has influenced you the most. And, for my life, it would have to be the Assemblies of God. But, just because this church has been most influential in my life does not mean that I still hold the 16 Fundamentals dearly.

And I still wonder what the UMC thinks of the Pentecostal movement in general, but I cannot lie and say that the UMC has been influential in shaping my personal theology. And, truth be told, my own reading and study, coupled with my frustrations with Pentecostal doctrines, have influenced me more than any denominational teaching I ever received. Maybe I am taking this too seriously. And maybe I am really still in the midst of a spiritual identity crisis that has overtaken much of my life for the last ten years. Again, I am hopeful this will come to an end. But I wonder whether the end of the crisis is a good thing for me. If I ever become happy with what I believe, I wonder what might happen to me spiritually. I think the struggle is part of the journey for me. I feel closer to God in the struggle and wonder if no struggle means no connection to God. Scary.

In other news ~ I heard about this group affiliated with my favorite "church" Westboro Baptist Church, you know, the one that pickets at the abortion clinics and at the funerals of soldiers. Eunicure purports to be a 100% cure for homosexuality and other sexual sins. No comment.