Loving Our Mother . . . Church

I am concerned by recent declarations and decisions made by Pope Benedict XVI and where he is leading the Roman Catholic Church. I want to say unequivocally that I love the Roman Catholic Church. Whether we like the things she has done, she is the mother church of all Western churches. We would not exist without her. But lately the Pope has been making some other than kind comments about other churches.

Several years ago, Pope John Paul II seemed to be very interested in ecumenicism. He spent a good bit of his time making overtures to Lutherans and Anglicans and historic trips to Orthodox countries in the name of church unity and peace. This was one of the most significant things to come out of the Vatican II Council (and the use of a revised, vernacular Mass liturgy). I was moved to see the leader of the Greek Orthodox Church pray the Lord's Prayer with the Pope--something that was considered nigh unto a heresy for Orthodox believers. At least it was a start. But as the Pope began to age, he began to become more traditional in his statements about Protestants, calling them "lesser brethren."

Now, Pope Benedict has gone against these great decisions of Vatican II. A month or so ago, in an attempt to appease a very traditional Catholic group, he distributed the Tridentine (Latin) Mass to all priests and encouraged them to use it if there were enough parishioners who wised to to have a Latin Mass celebrated in their parish church. Prior to this ruling, bishops were given the right to determine whether or not the Latin Mass would be used. Now any priest can decide to use it or not. Now, I enjoy the Latin Mass. One of my fondest Christmas memories was when I was in college and sang a midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. It was all in Latin and wonderful. But I can't imagine doing this every Sunday. At the time I read that the Pope would allow the Tridentine Mass to be celebrated, I was intrigued. Then it got worse.

In an alarming move, Pope Benedict made a recent statement that (1) only Catholics are true Christians; (2) other Christian denominations are “not true churches”; and (3) all non-Catholics lack the “means of salvation.” So, we have gone from "lesser brethren" which I could live with, to completely outside salvation. This is not only alarming, but very disheartening for someone like me who has taken so much from the Catholic faith. I am very ecumenical in my faith, having taken from many traditions--Roman Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican, Pentecostal, and Methodist. I used to teach a course on church music history and we studied the liturgies of all of these traditions. It was amazing how much Scripture is involved in each of these liturgies. The Spirit of the Lord is truly in these places where His name is glorified and His Word spoken. It is just sad that the Pope has taken the "mother church" back a thousand years. It is as if the Reformation never happened. And even worse for Catholics, it is as if Vatican II never happened.

I am trying to understand all of this and I think that the reason we say we are the only true church or that we become more dogmatic about the least little thing, is that we are insecure about where we are going or what our place in the evolving world will be. You know, the Church of Christ and other Fundamentalist groups have long preached that they are the only true church. But the truth of the matter is the church is wherever we gather together in Jesus' name. I guess I am naive enough to believe that a time will come when the Church will be one again. I wish it were today, but it looks further away today than it did just a few years ago.

So my question is: How do we pray for the unity of the holy, universal Church when we have enough problems with unity in our own fellowships?

BTW, I think that Benedict has the best style of any recent Pope. I mean, the Holy Father wears Prada and Gucci for Pete's sake. I love the hat!

Martyrdom, or Just Plain Martha

Servanthood for servanthood's sake has been continually on my mind lately. Since I am often reflective, intentions become important. I think that most of the time my intentions are good and I do my best to consider what other peoples' needs are and try to meet them before they ask. I do not expect people to do work that I can do myself.

Well, this past week we have been talking a lot about Mary and Martha at church. Its the same old story, Mary sat at Jesus' feet and Martha got upset that she was not helping her prepare the meal. Jesus, of course, commended Mary for seeking the higher purpose of worship rather than the menial tasks of her sister. Did it ever occur to us that what Martha was doing was what was expected of her? Funny thing is, I think I try really hard to do the things that are expected of me. Is it a bad thing to take care of the business of ministry?

My wife and I play this game I like to call "Who's the bigger martyr?" She will say something to the effect that she does this, this, and that. And I say well, I do blah, blah, bliddy blah. We both are really busy people (we work and have three small children and try to have a life as well). I think we just want for the other to acknowledge the other's contribution to the greater good. I mockingly refer to this as martyrdom. You know, doing something by myself that I could get others to help me with, but refusing help because it makes me a bigger martyr. But is this servanthood or just another way to make myself look like a servant? I guess it is about intentions.

My pastor spoke on Mary and Martha this past Sunday and mentioned that though we often look at Martha with disdain, she was the one who sought out Jesus. She was the one who invited Him into their house. She was seeking the greater good, but got caught up in the business of ministry. How much did this sound like my good intentions? Unfortunately, quite a bit. We like to look at Martha or Peter or Thomas and say, "I would never act like that if I had the opportunity to be with Jesus." But the fact is, we can all become too busy about the Father's business to see the Father.

So my question is: How can I know if I am a servant or just a "martyr"?

Beautiful Disaster

I was saddened to read Saturday that Tammy Faye Bakker Messner had gone to be with the Lord after an extended battle with colon cancer that had spread to her lungs. I do not remember a time when I did not know who Tammy Faye was. I always thought she was the biggest nut in the world. In an earlier life, I thought she was probably the Devil incarnate and she and her husband would get theirs. Funny thing is that when they did, in fact, get theirs I felt no sense of just recompense. And the further I get from those long ago days (twenty years ago now), the more compassion I had for her and for the manner in which the PTL ministry fell from grace. It is amazing how far from God we can get when we are sincerely trying to do what we think He wants. It was not too long ago that I mentioned the passing of Rev. Jerry Falwell and there must be some sense of irony that these two seminal figures of the late 1908s televangelism scandals died within months of each other.

What I have learned is to respect those I do not understand. I never got Tammy Faye or her overly emotional way of life, until I saw her on "The Surreal Life" with the likes of rapper Vanilla Ice and porn star Ron Jeremy. It was fascinating to watch her with these people who were by no means believers. She was gracious and compassionate and completely honest about her faith. I think she was a shining light to these people of what Christ in a person can do. She was also open to the gay community who embraced her as an icon. She said something to the effect that God made us all from the same dirt. It is amazing how powerful words can be, but even more powerful an act of kindness, with no expectations or conditions. Though most people could not see past her makeup, she really loved God and loved people.

We had a funeral for a man that I have only known for 18 months. He was probably the first person I met when I moved to Panama City. He sought me out to introduce himself and to offer his services. He told me that if I ever needed anything, he would work to get it for me. That if he couldn't raise money for the music ministry of the church in a short period of time, he was no good to me. Now, this man did not really attend the church all that often. His wife was there every Sunday and they both came to the fellowship supper we have on Wednesday evenings, but I rarely saw him at church. Now, the funny thing is, this man embodied what is good about the church. In fact, he was the church to many people that he met. Now, he smoked like a stack and he drank for a lot of years before he asked the Lord to help him quit, things that most evangelicals would look at and call sin. But he was compassionate and kind, and he would tell you the truth which is a gift to anyone. He overtipped waitresses and hugged people in restaurants. He showed Jesus to a lot of people. He was the church, a new definition of church, and now he is a part of the church triumphant.

So my question is: How can I better demonstrate the love of Christ in a way that is not biased by my own preconceptions of church or what Christians ought to be like?

My prayer is that I do not merely have good intentions to live the Christ life before the world, that I would not want to be a servant to demonstrate just how much of a martyr I can be, but that I would truly, undeniably surrender to a love that will not let me go.

BTW~Have you heard of Jon McLaughlin? He's not the coolest thing I have ever heard. Plays the piano and sings. Kinda like Jon Mayer, but a much better voice and some great lyrics. He's a Christian, though most of his songs are not about God. So, if you are looking for a "Jesus count" it would be really low. ; )

Complaints for the Week

I am having an interesting week. Two people in the church community have died, and several are gravely ill, so it looks like I will have a few funerals next week. I have a wedding rehearsal Friday night and a wedding Saturday morning. I worked from home Monday planning music for the fall and Christmas. This is always something I hate, but once I am finished I can relax and just make minor changes as I go. I guess I really have an administrative gift. I sure do wish that I had one of the interesting gifts, but I guess God knows what He is doing.

I got my hair cut short (for me) on Tuesday. Problem is, I colored my hair a couple of weeks ago and since I got my hair cut, some of the color is gone, especially in this place on the back of my head that is gray. It looks like I walked into a paintbrush. I have had it since I was 17 years old, but it has gotten bigger recently and I have decided I do not like being old so I colored it. Now I have to decide what to do about it. Seems like it will be aggravating to keep coloring it. I have gone on far too long about something ridiculous.

I went to the beach with my wife and children on Wednesday morning. I know that I put a good bit of sunscreen on, but I still got sunburned. I am a little uncomfortable, but I will get over it. I love the white sandy beaches that are so close to my home. I go to the beach and wonder how I could have lived anywhere so far from the water for so long. Although, I do wish it were not so hot and humid (already in the 90s). I am fearful of August and September temperatures.

I had to move out all of the sound equipment we use in our contemporary service to prepare for this wedding on Saturday and that is one of my least favorite things to do. I hate it. I wish we had a place where I could leave these things up and not bother with them every other week. I stubbed my toe today in the choir loft moving chairs to prepare for the string quartet that will play for the wedding (they are accompanying my musical selections as well). Remember, I wear flip flops a lot (BTW, I have upgraded to some very stylish Kenneth Cole "sandals"), so when I stubbed my toe I did it for real and now it is a little bruised.

On Wednesday evenings I have been leading the general Bible study on Biblical patterns of worship--mainly defining worship and praise and what our responsibilities are. This has been nice and has reminded me that I did love to teach once upon a time. I had forgotten how easy it was to get up in front of a class and just go for an hour. I guess I will see how much I still like teaching for real this fall when I start teaching a music appreciation class at the area community college. In fact, tomorrow morning I have to go and pick up my course materials and be finger printed to begin working next month. (I have never been finger printed before that I recall).

This will be the first time in 18 months that I have taught a college course and I guess I am a little nervous. I am not concerned that I will connect with the students and I am not worried about the subject matter. Frankly, I think I could teach the course without a textbook. I guess I am just concerned to be concerned. Again, anytime there is a change in my life it gives me cause for reflection. I hate being reflective. Every little thing has to mean something. It goes back to that thing about not believing in blind luck or something. Every thing that happens to us is for a reason to teach us something and I hate it, but I am always looking for the teaching moment.

Being reflective also makes me prone to a touch of depression now and then. But, I think for once in my life I have a handle on this one. I have been very commited to "running" (or at least my definition of running) each morning and that has made me feel better. And there is less of my fat self than there was a few months ago, so I have to remind myself that when I eat right and exercise I feel better physicaly and emotionally. But even more so, I am trying to allow God to teach me without having to go through the doubt phase. This is a tough one for me, but I am working on it. You know, the "Be anxious for nothing" bit. Now, I think doubt is a good thing at times. We do not need faith for something that cannot be doubted. A lot of this has to do with the downsizing and mellowing that my move to Florida has been. And I guess my biggest concern about teaching again is that it will lead me down a path that I do not want to follow. However, I feel that this time around the teaching will not be about identity for me, but for fun and a little extra money. When your identity is not wrapped up in what you do, I think you are a healthier, more well-rounded person. A whole person.

So my question is: What is it that keeps you from being a whole person? And why haven't you done anything about it? You might want to look in the mirror.

When It's Time to Change

I have decided that most of us are not inclined toward change of any kind. I feel that I have been through a good number of changes over the last year, most of them I have discussed on this blog, so I am not afraid of change. But that is not really being inclined toward change, is it? I mean, though I thrive on change and enjoy the blessing that comes as a result of my willingness to allow God to change my life, my circumstances, my level of commitment, I really cannot say that I like it.

And why is it that when we see people changing, we become concerned about their direction or what they're doing. For instance, today I went to visit a woman who was dying. That's a pretty big change for her and for her family. The family is having to readjust to life without mom. But they will have to adapt in order to survive without her. Visiting with this family reminded me of this time five years ago when we lost my wife's mother. It was one of the most difficult experiences I have ever lived through. I had never really lost someone that I was close to, and the devastation I felt from her loss was more for the fact that my children (at the time, child) would never know her. But the sad truth is that I was upset for the change it would bring in my own life and in the life of my wife. People say you get over the loss of a loved one and they are liars. We never get over these losses, but we must learn to adapt and live on. And having now experienced the loss of some of the most significant people in my life, I have a better insight into dealing with the grieving processes of those in my congregation. As I have said before, I have served in more funerals since I moved to Panama City than I did in the rest of my life combined.

Another example: I was walking by my pastor's office door and noticed him cleaning out his office. My first question to him was "Are you trying to tell me that you are ready to leave?" (No) "Are you dying?" (Not today) Why is it that we assume that change is bad? Even dealing with death has its benefits. We learn so much from the grieving process about ourselves and about our faith. We discover whether or not we believe we will be in the presence of God when we die or that if we believe we will see them again.

Change has been a constant companion to me in my adult life. Growing up, leaving home, and moving on--all of these are things that we have to do in order to continue to grow. When we stop changing, we start to die and I think that is one of my biggest concerns for the church. We are more concerned about keeping things or programs that no longer speak to anyone because they are dear to us. But we long stopped asking if they were dear to God.

I am teaching a Bible study on worship patterns and one of the main questions I ask is "If worship is truly for God's pleasure, then why does it concern us if we do not receive anything from it?" If it is truly about God, then our desires are really irrelevant. But the problem always comes back to us. True worship causes us to change. We can get away with pretending to live a Christian life, but we cannot fake being a worshiper because this means that we have to allow the Holy Spirit to confront us. And that means we have to change. That means we have to actually put our faith into action and not just talk about it.

So my question is this: "If we are not able to worship, then are we actually just in the final stages of a cancer that will inevitably spiritually kill us?"

Raising the Dead~with a Side of Servanthood

"The church is like someone who is in a coma. We know they probably won't recover, but we still get excited when they squeeze our hand." I heard a pastor friend of mine say this last week and I have thought long and hard about this. I know this was a comment made of frustration, but I wonder how far from the truth it really is. Working on a church staff, we often get excited over the least little thing. If there are 50 more people in the 8:15 service, we think we need to start a new service to facilitate all of the people. If one person comes down to the front to pray, we are having revival.

Now, I truly look for the positive in most things. This is a difference from my former life that I am continuing to cultivate. But I do think we do not give our congregations the benefit of the doubt on a lot of occasions. We tend to think they will consistently disappoint us because they are not spiritual enough. I am finding that I learn a lot from listening to just what God is doing in the lives of my "less-than-spiritual" parishioners. It makes me remember that only God can judge the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

So, the question is: Are we dead yet? And if we are dead, how do we give the church the Sixth Sense treatment?

Several months ago I heard this in a sermon: "You know you are a servant when you are treated like one and it does not bother you." I do not usually remember sermons. I hear at least three or four on Sundays alone and by the time the last one comes along, I am really tired and done. I think I am a little A-D-D when it comes to sermons. My mind is constantly in motion, just ask anyone of the guys I work with, and it is hard to turn this off when I am supposed to be listening to the sermon. But this one stayed with me, I guess because it cut me to the core. I like to think of myself as a helper.

I took a spiritual gifts inventory(thanks Tim), and my strong suits were helps, administration, and creative communication--so I like to think I am a servant. I work in a church for crying out loud. But the servant test came a couple of weeks ago when I found myself tearing down tables and chairs to prepare for a youth service. Yes, I work with "youth" now and this is one of the more rewarding parts of my week. But the work that Sunday afternoon was taxing and came after I had already been at church for eight hours. I found myself wanting to complain that the tables had not been taken down by the folks who were "supposed" to take them down. Don't we have people to do this kind of thing? Don't I have more important things to do than to tear down tables and set up chairs so that a bunch of kids can have a quality worship experience without having to worry about setting up for themselves? I quickly came to the realization that I did not. No matter how I try to convince myself of something different, if I ever get too good to clean the church, then I am not a servant worthy of my hire.

So the question follows: How long does it take to become a servant and not realize you are one?

The End, 2012 Style

Have you heard the latest rumblings throughout the New Age world? Well, the latest to come into mainstream society's radar at least. It seems that back in the heyday of Mayan culture in Mexico, their leading prophets predicted the ending of an age or an apocalypse or whatever you want to call it that would culminate in December of 2012. So for the last 30 years a dedicated few have been spreading the news that the end was near and now they say it is barely 4 years away.

I always like a good end of the world story. It was fun growing up in an apocalyptic world where every event in the Middle East or every rumbling of war was another signal that the end was near. Now, I believe that Jesus will bodily return to the earth and reign over us all, its the rest of the Left Behind stuff that I am not so sure about. I just think that everyone likes a good apocalypse or the idea that all the bad folks in the world are gonna get theirs in the end. I think it is significant that the Mayans, centuries before they ever encountered a European person, had apocalyptic tendencies. I guess this means that this type of end times scenario strikes a chord in the hearts of people the world over and throughout all times.

I wish that we could lead people to a knowledge of Christ's ability to radically change their lives, rather than having to hold the end of the world and hell over their heads. Now, I believe in hell (no thank you, Bishop Pearson), but I think that living for Christ ought to make our lives better and that should be a good enough reason for us to follow Him. I think the church for too long has held hell over peoples' heads, and thereby miss the mercy that Christ wants the church to show to the world. It is hard to be salt and light, when we are policing the world. I think the problem is that most people really do not want to commit to Christ. They want to come to church and feel bad about themselves and get right with God again, so they can go out and do the same thing again next week. It is an endless hamster's wheel. If it were not for hell, I am sure there would be fewer folks going to heaven. But that's really sad--to serve Christ only to miss hell. I think that misses the point of doing justice and loving kindness and walking humbly with God.

I also think it misses the point that we are to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. I mean, how much easier is it if your church gives you a list of things you can and cannot do. Only wear this type of clothing, only cut your hair if you are male, don't go anywhere the world might be lurking. I think that is one of the reasons why the more fundamentalist and Pentecostal denominations continue to grow--because they give clear cut answers. One of the things I like most about being a Methodist is that there is more of a free exchange of ideas and more tolerance for ideas other than one's own. This is good and bad. Good in that we can discuss issues without branding the other a heretic. Bad in that sometimes the only common ground we find is in agreeing to disagree. And sometimes it simply means that rather than coming up with a statement of faith, we tend to leave that for another day.

Well, I hope the countdown to 2012 is a fruitful one for you. Martin Luther said that if he knew the world would end tomorrow he would plant a tree. Maybe I will do the same. And hopefully, it will bear much fruit.

Peace

Painting in Broad Strokes

I have always thought of myself as a detail person. If you have visited my office (either in my church or at the university in my prior life) you would think that I am organized beyond measure. I do like order and I like everything in its place. But I am finding that in the church, there are always those who like order a little better than me. I guess in some ways I have always known this, but I am only now allowing myself to admit that I am a broad strokes painter. Although I am conscientious of detail, my main goal is to make sure the end product is successful, whether this is a musical presentation or a class or whatever. I realized this more fully the other week when I was confronted by a parishioner on Sunday morning (the worst possible time) about an issue that was really insignificant to me at the time. Each Sunday, I arrive at my church about 6:30 a. m. and am fully engaged in preparations and worship ministry until our three services are finished around noon. So, my time is very limited to actually deal with people and their issues. How sad is that? The time when I have the greatest opportunity to make an impact on people, my most significant point of contact with most of my parishioners during the week, I have to worry more about the greater good of the whole than of the one. I guess it is the nature of the beast.

Well, the story goes I really did not have time to deal with the situation, and it really was not important to the full exercise of worship for that Sunday morning. I was frustrated with this person for bringing this non-issue to my attention at my busiest point of the morning, but I realized then and there that there are a lot of things that I do not worry about because they are too small for me to deal with. I think most church leaders tend to be big picture people and we need those in our congregations who remind us of the minutiae, even if we consider these people all too negative in their approaches to our ministries.

I am reminded of a guitar player from a church I was involved in almost ten years ago. I had been asked to visit the church and consider joining the staff as a part-time worship leader. The worship ministry was fairly large with a ten-piece orchestra besides the guitars, drums, and piano of the worship team. This guy was one of those who was always worried about every little detail and at the time I just was not a detail person when it came to worship music. Frankly, I did not think it was very difficult to perform and I did not need very much practice to make my part presentable. When you spend your life making your living from music, your approach to it is very different than if you are not a "professional." And, as you recall, I am a snob and so any music that I do not have to practice is not difficult (to me). That is not to say that I think we should have classical music in all of our services. I mean, how accessible is that? Granted, my choir performs a good bit of classical literature, but this is usually for very special traditional services. I digress.

I think that guitar player hated me because I would always tell him not to worry about this or that. I don't think my words were consoling to him at all. I sure had a lot to learn about leadership and coming along side someone and bringing them along with you. I think I still have a lot to learn about that.

Again, I think it all comes back to broad strokes or the big picture or whatever you want to call it. People in ministry tend to see the whole picture better than most of our congregations, but we have a hard time explaining our vision in a way that others can grab hold of it. I am still working on toning myself down enough that I do not lose people along the way. I have gotten good at this on the traditional side of my musical life (choir anthems and hymns), but I am still working on the "contemporary" side of things. I admit that I get bored quickly with new worship music and need to continue to learn new songs in order for these services to be refreshing to me. But, I also need to remember that it is not all about Dr. Keaton and I have the responsibility to lead my congregation into deeper worship, even if is with the same 20 songs. If they can learn to worship, then the song repertoire does not matter.

Dear Lord, help me to hear your voice, even in the grating sounds of those I do not want to listen to. It may be that your still, small voice comes from the most annoying person I know.

Peace

P.S.:This is Madeline and me in front of the only Del Rancho restaurant in Texas. It made me think happy thoughts about Oklahoma and I very rarely do that, mainly because I have blocked most of it. Props to anyone out there from Oklahoma. Somebody's gotta live there. ;)

The Kind of Faith Hillary Has

It has been interesting to watch this election cycle get into full swing. Over a month ago, when I was in New Orleans, I happened upon a CNN interview with the leading Democratic Presidential candidates discussing their faith and how this plays out in their political lives. Truth be told, I was impressed with all of their answers. Barack Obama talked of coming to faith as an adult. John Edwards talked about how prayer and faith became especially important during the trying times when he lost a child and when his wife was diagnosed with cancer. And Hillary Clinton talked about teaching Sunday school and the importance of learning forgiveness. Clearly she was talking about the missteps of her former President husband and the very difficult and publicized (dare I say politicized) events that followed. In a nutshell, she stressed that one does not get through a situation as devastating as that without faith. Listening to her, I felt for her and respected her all the more.

It is interesting that for most evangelicals, Hillary Clinton is anathema. She is the great evil that Revelation speaks of. In a recent article in the New York Times an evangelical Christian referred to the faith like Hillary's, a "faith that believes in everything but God." I must admit that a few years ago I would have been in that camp. But I am beginning to understand how God works in our lives a little better and I am learning a lot about dealing with my own preconceived notions and prejudices about people. What is striking, and completely hypocritical of most of us, is that we want to judge others by their actions, but we want others to judge us by our intentions. In other words, we want for people to look beyond our human foibles and see how God is at work in our lives, but we cannot give the same grace to anyone else, especially someone in the public eye as often as Hillary Clinton.

In another recent NY Times spread, evangelicals were complaining that the Republican field was not conservative enough, and the candidates who were conservative were not really viable, electable candidates. Most are one of the following: pro-choice, or pro-Iraq war, or in favor of gay marriage or whatever. The most significant thing to me was that the evangelicals (in Iowa, at least) felt it would be better to have a Republican, even if he was not ideologically conservative, than to have a Democrat at all. I wondered, should the Devil run, would they vote for him rather than for Hillary?

Personally, I don't love any of the candidates, but I am willing to admit that the Republicans just don't get it this time around. And, maybe we need a change of course or a different set of eyes looking at some of our problems to find the answers. Maybe these answers will be God's answers if we are smart enough to see them and He just might work His will in this country through a Democrat, one with a faith that may not match ours, but may just be as authentic as ours.

How would you vote? How would Jesus vote?

My name is Brandon and I'm a Snob

Well, this last week my parents came for a visit. We just saw them about a month ago, but this will be the last time we see them until Christmas. We had a good time taking them to all of the touristy sights around where we live. Since we live so close to the Gulf of Mexico, we took them to the beach and on a tourist cruise of our bay area. Besides going to the beach, we do very little that could be construed as touristy in our area. I guess when you live in a place that is filled with "attractions" they become a part of the scenery. I must admit that I still love the sight of the water. Maybe someday it will not captivate me so much.

I came to a realization about myself over the course of last week's events: I am a snob. I guess I have always known this, and part of the reason I became a United Methodist as opposed to another denomination is that I would be more likely to be around people who are like me. What an indictment against myself that statement is! I don't know how many times I pretend that I am apostolic and want to venture into unknown territory, the truth is I would rather stick to my own. I never really felt at home in the Pentecostal church, partly because they did not take too kindly to educated folks or people who pushed them to think some of the time instead of running with their emotions. I remember some of the most educated people I knew who would act like they did not know a thing when they got up to preach. It was all about making sure that the congregation knew they relied on the Holy Spirit for their sermons rather than on good Bible study habits, etc. As if preparation is not a spiritual gift worth developing. I guess one of the scariest things for me as a music professional was that it was becoming all too clear that the only thing the Pentecostals wanted in their worship leaders was a 20-something, scruffy looking guys with flip flops and a guitar. Flip flops aside, I do not fit that stereotype, but it was becoming more prevalent each year. I always wondered if this trend was truly an attempt to be more conscious of the culture or if it was a way to pay a younger, less experienced person less money. So in my mind, though I believe God was in my decision to change denominations, I felt like there was nowhere for me to go and remain in the Pentecostal fold . . . and I was only 33 when I left.

I have always envisioned Methodists as people who were more educated than Baptists or Pentecostals, but less liturgical than Lutherans or Catholics. And since I have always been a structure guy, it seemed like the natural evolutionary step for me. Ms? Betty Butterfield calls Methodists "poor man's Presbyterians, or Episcopalians who got tired of squatting, or Baptists who had gone back to drinking and did not want to be judged. Methodists are just typical." I don't know that I completely agree with this, and since the quote came from a drag queen . . . I digress.

Okay, so I am a snob. This truth kept coming back to me when I was out showing my parents a good time this past week. Well, they do not call northwest Florida the "Redneck Riviera" for nothing. (I mean, we have a convenience store where you can get beer on tap. What's up with that?) After taking our little cruise out to one of the islands just off the coast, I asked my mother if she knew why they called it the "Redneck Riviera" and she laughed, because they were thick as thieves. I am sure that most of these folks were wonderful people who work hard and love their families. I imagine many of them make more money than I do (I am in "the ministry" for Pete's sake). But I could not feel a greater sense of distance from these people than I would if you dropped me off in Saudi Arabia dressed like Michael Jackson (think burka, not "Beat It"). And this is where I come from really. I just do not understand this culture at all. I do not get NASCAR. I do not understand why anyone would continue to proudly display the Confederate flag on their trucks, or T-shirts, etc. Every time I see that flag, I want to say: "The war's been over for 150 years and you lost. Get over it." And how offensive is this to the large African American population we have in our area? I just do not get it.

And more significantly, I do not know how to communicate using their language. Sometimes I notice people just stop to translate what I am saying to them. For example, while I was on this touring ship, I was standing in "line" at the concession stand to get the entire family a hot dog and some bottled water. Well, it ended up that I got to the front of the line before someone who was really in line longer than I had been. I told the woman at the counter "I believe this gentleman was here before me" and pointed the man next to me. He looked puzzled and I told him to go ahead of me. Either he did not understand me, or he was so shocked that someone would be kind enough to be honest, even when that meant I would have to wait. I thought it was the latter and I felt bad. Anyone who would be in such a hurry to get a hot dog is in a hurry indeed. Have we lost all sense of decency and decorum in America that when someone is courteous it does not compute?

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my church and the ministry I perform there. But, again, the people to whom I am ministering are not the type of folks who mostly inhabit my neck of the woods. Remember, I chose a church that was like me and where my family would feel most comfortable. What does this say about me?

I am really feeling the challenge to get out of my comfort zone again and try to understand my culture better. If I am ever to be a true witness I need to learn how to speak the language of my fellow northwest Floridians. Maybe this is a greater indictment of the church in general since we train our children to speak a language that no one understands and to socialize only with those who believe as we do and go only to those places with ties to our churches. Fear is a great motivator, but I am looking for that "spirit of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" that the Apostle Paul promised us would replace our spirit of fear. Maybe it is easier to live in fear. At least we know what that feels like.

Peace

Of Treadmills and Tightropes

Okay, so most of you know that I am a fatty. Don't even think about saying that I am not (but thanks for the thought). Well, I have been working on my weightier issues and decided to buy a treadmill so that I can "run" or at least my version of running. At least I have lost enough weight that my fat does not hit me in the face when I run. Well, I have had this treadmill for about three weeks and it is becoming part of my daily routine. I get up every morning, except Sundays, and walk/jog for 30 minutes. I was really sore for the first week or so, but I have gotten used to it. So, today I decided to bump it up a little and do a more advanced version of my routine workout. Let's just say that I had to stop twice because it went so fast that I thought I might die. And, I was alone and nobody wants to die alone. I did get through the whole 30 minutes, and I feel good about myself, especially the dead run, I just wish that I could do it and it not kill me.

I wish I could find something really good to blame my fat on, you know like genetics or my horrible metabolism or my devilish delight in all things chocolate and/or fried. Probably, it is a combination of all of these things. I also realize that I am getting older because I have to worry about eating things with MSG in them. I used to treat myself to Chinese food each Wednesday night after my Choir practice, but I began to notice that I could not sleep and my heart was racing. Now, a lot of that had to do with the fact that I could not get comfortable because of my fat gut. See, it all goes back to that. I do not worry about these things all the time, I just try to be more careful with what I eat. And since I have lost 65 pounds since my highest weight I can sleep a whole lot better--but still no Chinese food.

I guess I am coming to terms with being responsible for myself and not allowing my mind to play tricks on me. I also have three little angels to think about now and I want to be able to play with them and not want to die afterward. One of the best things about my move to Florida is that I am becoming more comfortable with myself. People who knew me before would be surprised to find that I am much more mellow than I used to be, though I would not call myself mellow (and neither would my wife, by the way). For example, I wear shorts often. I wear flip flops (that's right, flip flops) most days. I think that in my previous life I was just too worried about what other people thought. I was a professor and had to present a certain image. But that image was one I imposed upon myself and had little to do with actual requirements of my position.

So even though I am more concerned with my physical health and won't eat Chinese food, I am acting younger than I have ever allowed myself to act. I realize that I was old when I was a kid. I would invited "friends" over, but would not allow them to play with my toys. I was very dogmatic about issues that I could care less about now. I realize I just never had any fun. I regret that.

Now I am in a place that I can explore myself more fully and that is very liberating. My family benefits from this everyday. I know there are drawbacks to being so far away from our extended families, but my children are being able to know me in a healthier and more engaged way than they would have if we had stayed. I have good friends that I love and that love me. They have become our family in lieu of the real thing. I am thankful for them. What I like best is that I can be completely honest about who I am and what I believe and not have to worry about being judged or wonder whether or not what I say will end up as fodder for conversations with people who do not need to know my personal business. Some of this, of course, was my "normal" paranoia, but not all. I am looking forward to the day when my life here is not affected by my life there. Maybe it will never come or should never come, but I am just waiting for him to "make me to forget."

I guess it is about walking the tight rope without the net. What is astonishing to me still is that what I thought would be the single hardest thing I ever had to do in my life has become the easiest things I have ever done. If I could just learn to trust God without reservation, how much more would I experience? How much more would He show me? I realize now that the tight rope is not all that scary and the rewards far outweigh the price that you have to pay.

Peace

You Can Never Go "Home"

Well . . .

I just got home after a short vacation to Texas to visit my family. It was nice to see them all. We had family pictures made. That was nice too. I got to eat at some of my favorite restaurants. That was nicest of all. On the way back we stayed in New Orleans and had beignets at Cafe du Monde and ate Creole food on Jackson Square. Our waitress was not a "tress" at all, so we got the entire French Quarter experience. On our way out this morning we saw the remains of the 9th Ward and other areas hit hardest by Hurricane Katrina. It is amazing that almost two years later, much of the city is still uninhabitable. New Orleans is definitely up and running, and you would never know that anything happened in the Quarter, but how long can this really go on? There are so many people who can never really go home. Unfortunately, there are a lot of folks in Dallas and Houston who wish they could.

During our time in Texas, we had an interesting experience. One day, we took a trip down to Waxahachie, where we lived for almost ten years, bought our first home, and introduced our three daughters to the world. I had not been back since I moved to Florida in February 2006. I went back to Texas over Christmas holidays, but I was not ready to go back "home." Lots of reasons for that. Well, we drove by our old home and it looked awful. I almost hope the woman who bought our house could read this, but the place was a wreck in just over a year. We had prided ourselves in keeping the lawn looking very good. My wife and I bought the house new, so there was no lawn and no landscaping. We did everything to make the home look respectable. But now, the lawn was horribly overgrown, the trees were dying, and the shrubs had not been pruned since the last time my wife pruned them in late 2005. It was embarrassing. We wanted to drive by, see the house, and remember bringing our girls home from the hospital and all the parties I used to have with my students. But now, if we never knew it before, that is not our house anymore.

It was a little sad, but put a close to that chapter of my life. I just realized again how thankful I should be to be where I am. Before we left for our visit, my mother told me I should go see the old life and have a good time and realize that I had done the right thing by moving to Florida. She was right.

I am thankful that I have choices and God has blessed me with opportunities, opportunities that many of the poor folks from New Orleans will never experience. I think we have a problem in this country when the church believes that every poor person is poor because they want to be that way. They have made the choice to live that way. Although I believe many people make bad decisions that lead them to homelessness, many poor people really have no way out of their poverty. I am beginning to wonder whether or not much of our "Christian" rhetoric about the poor is really latent racism and a whole lot of fear. I admit that I am afraid, but fear is not going to limit me. I took my children to New Orleans because I want them to grow up aware of their world, and not afraid of it.

Agreeing to Disagree

I have been thinking a lot lately about whether or not Christians can disagree with each other and remain united in Christ. I found in my former life that as often as not, if someone did not agree with our stance on a certain issue, we would consider that an attack of the Enemy, rather than an intellectual disagreement or a point of departure for further consideration. Life was a lot easier when I did not have to think.

All of these feelings have come flooding back to me since the passing of Jerry Falwell earlier this week. I made a comment about how I thought Rev. Falwell was a sincere man and loved the Lord, but I don't think he loved many others. The conversation went something like, "Well, what did he say that you disagreed with?" And my response was something to the effect that I did not think that the 9/11 Attack was a result of feminists, gays and lesbians, atheists, etc. The comment that came back was, well, you know, there is a nugget of truth in this. And I said "how do you figure" and was told that since our nation was sinful, or allowed sin to thrive, this meant that God's covering could only last so long and that we could not expect to just go along living like we do or we will be punished. My response to this was that I do not believe God acts that way, and I really don't think most Christians believe that God allows things like this to happen to show us the error of our ways.

Or do we believe this? I mean, I thought we were living in an age of grace and that God gives us the freedom to accept Him or reject Him. I just do not believe I have the right to judge these things since I am a sinner too. As the conversation progressed I asked how God could allow innocent people to be killed because of what other people had done (if, in fact, God allowed this as punishment for gay people in America). The answer was that we really should not get up and say these things since there is no way to prove them one way or the other. Really.

OK, so back to my original question: Is it possible for Christians to take radically opposing views of things like God's judgment, or homosexuality, or the poor, or global warming, or the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, or insert issue . . . and remain brothers and sisters in Christ? In my previous life, the answer would have been an unqualified "No" because anyone who does not follow our interpretation of the Bible is not even a Christian. They are a part of the problem, the secularization of American society. But now, on the other side of the aisle, I have begun to wonder just how Christian it is to judge someone else's faith journey based on my narrow interpretations of what I think God meant in the Bible.

Oh how I wish I could go back to happier, more judgmental times when everything was black and white and everyone else was a sinner except for everyone who believed exactly like me. But, how pleasing is that to God? What would Jesus think?

And, by the way: Tinky Winky is a flamer!

Now That's Commitment

I have always admired the Mormons. You've got to hand it to people who are that committed to their faith. PBS aired this simply amazing Frontline documentary on the Mormons this past week that took a long look at Joseph Smith and the complete history of the LDS Church. It pulled no punches, but was an honest look at the sometimes weird, always moving Mormon faith. Now, don't get me wrong, I do not think Mormon doctrine is correct, and people committed to a lie are simply committed to the wind. But therein lies my greatest concern: How can people be so utterly committed to something that is not true and how can we who have the truth be so lackadaisical about it?

Here are some things I have gleaned from the Mormons that could help Christians:

First, Mormons are so committed to their faith that they defend even the wacky things that the early Mormons did (plural marriages, for instance) and fully believe that this was a part of God's progressive revelation to them and their prophets. Mormons believe God still speaks to them today. Sometimes I wonder if Christians truly believe this anymore.

Second, Mormons believe their doctrine and want the world to believe it too. In fact, they believe it so strongly they baptize the dead so that everyone can have the opportunity to go to heaven. I think most Christian groups are so busy competing against each other that they could never work together. And Mormons are just interested in the immortal souls of all people. How ashamed should we be?

I really don't think most Christians are as committed to their doctrine as Mormons are. I mean, take a look at the American Episcopal Church, for instance. The Anglican Communion is about to excommunicate the Episcopal Church for ordaining homosexuals and blessing same-sex marriages. The Communion has given their American branch until September to make things right, come back to Biblical Christianity, or be demoted to a lower rung on the episcopal hierarchy. Mormons do not even consider the possibility of accepting homosexuals because they see this as an affront to the family, which is the center of Mormon belief. They excommunicate them immediately upon coming out of the closet. Whether it is right or not, Mormons have a standard that they believe God wants all people to live up to. Now, I am not here to debate whether or not homosexuality is evil or a disorder or a perfectly legitimate lifestyle choice, but it concerns me that Christian groups throughout history have been all too eager to major on minor issues rather than calling for repentance and forgiveness. I do believe that we should be able to ask the hard questions, and I have asked them over and over, but in the end we have to have a standard that we all believe to be true.

Third, Mormons commit their children to winning the world. When Mormons are very young they are given a mission and they prepare the rest of their young life to go into service of the church. What would happen if Christians expected this much of their young people? Where would the Church be if we cared enough about the world to make it mandatory to go on a mission? Oddly enough, the first Christian missionary ever gave his disciples the command "Go into all the world." It is amazing how good we become at justifying our lack of zeal and we have the truth. We leave the work to missionaries and those living in Africa and Latin America where they really need faith to survive. God help us that we no longer need faith to survive in the Western world, a society founded on faith!

I have begun to realize that the worst threat to the Church may not be Satan but the Church herself. The Church has a way of justifying apathy, and God knows I have justified mine, but I pray that we can become as committed to our mission as Mormons are to theirs. Work while it is day. The night is coming when no one can work.

Losing the Heartland, or Losing Heart?

A couple of weeks ago I read an interesting article in the New York Times Magazine about the growing fear from within the Roman Catholic Church that they were losing Europe to secularism. It discussed Bavaria in detail, since that is where Pope Benedict XVI was born, calling it the heartland of Catholicism--a place where every event is marked by the Church. Or, at least it used to be. The turning point of this discussion within the Catholic Church came a few years ago when the European Union was drafting a constitution and then Pope John Paul II and other Roman Catholics strongly recommended that the preamble to this document include a section on the religious history of Europe (and that is one that is predominantly Roman Catholic).

Now, I have only spent a few weeks of my life in Europe but I was able to make several observations while I was there that may be harbingers of things to come in America. I first went to Europe in 2001, shortly before September 11. It was a wonderful time to travel--barely anyone even looked at my passport. I spent nine days in Italy criss-crossing the country from Rome to Assisi to Florence to Venice and onto Milan with a group of predominantly Catholic music directors. If you have ever been to Italy, you get the impression that Roman Catholicism is very important to these people, and it is. But our tour guide, a woman whose family had lived in Rome for generations, made an astounding observation. She said that the Church was still important, but that it had been relegated to a religion of the significant events of our lives: birth (baptism), marriage, and death (last rites). It really did not mean much more to people, other than fulfilling their days of obligation to the Church, but even these were becoming less and less obligatory among the younger generations of Italians.

In 2004 I took a second honeymoon with my wife to Paris for a few days. We are museum people and so we stayed at a little nineteenth-century hotel a block from the Louvre. I know, it was very touristy of us to stay in the 1st Arrondisement, but it was our first trip and we loved it. We did go to the Louvre and the Musee d'Orsay and the museum of the Middle Ages in the Latin Quarter, but probably the saddest museum we visited was the Cathedral of Notre Dame. It was stunning. Hardly a person in the place was there for worship. Now in Italy, at least while I was there, the cathedrals were filled with pilgrims, though few of them were Italians. I mean I stood in line to touch the tomb of Saint Anthony in Padua with all the other pilgrims and paid to see the golden altar piece in Saint Mark's in Venice, but at least there were folks there for religious purposes--they were looking for a touch of the divine. But in France I never felt even a subtle nudge of the Holy Spirit in this place. It was beautiful, but it did not seem to mean anything to the people there other than as a museum of what we once believed. I read later that there are about five times as many practicing Muslims in France as there are practicing Catholics. My numbers may be off, but the point is that there are not many practicing Catholics in France. And many Protestant denominations are considered cults by the French government, so most evangelistic efforts are not very fruitful.

I think it is significant that even the Pope is commenting on the loss of Europe and it is lost for all intents and purposes. The Pope is calling for a renewed vigor in re-evangelizing the European continent, asking for missionaries from Africa and Latin America where Catholicism (and Pentecostalism) is growing by leaps and bounds. What is significant to me is that, like most people, the Pope is worried about something when the signs have been obvious for centuries. Since the Age of Enlightenment, the Church has been in a dire situation in Europe.

Now, America likes to talk about how Christian it is and most people here believe in God and many more attend church here than in Europe. But my question is: Has the Church become just a place for our significant events (marriage, baptism, and funerals), but has failed to penetrate our everyday lives? Are we coming to a point where being a Christian is a political label we place on ourselves but the message of Christ does not infiltrate our lives? Are we past the point where the church in America is concerned that mainline denominations are hemorrhaging people every year? Or are we so Pharisaical in our outlook and completely believe these churches are in sin and are receiving their just desserts? Again, most evangelical churches should beware that they are walking similar paths that mainlines churches walked a hundred years ago. We like to pretend that we are different, but these differences are ones of degree rather than of species. Having served in both an evangelical/Pentecostal church and a "mainline" denomination, I can say that the people are not different. All churches are at the heart looking for the best way to bring Jesus to their people, but that may be the problem. Churches tend to want to bring Christ to "their people" but do not have a vision for anyone past themselves.

Maybe it is time for us to address the fact that we are trying to reach the people of the 21st century with the tools of the 19th and 20th. Maybe it is time to stop planning new programs and begin to look within us and make some hard decisions. Maybe it is time for us, like the Church in Europe, to admit that we are a Christian nation in name only and we need to reevaluate what it means to be Christian in this new millennium. Maybe it is time to admit that we have more questions now than we can possibly answer. I believe if we can admit this, then there may be hope for the Church.

Show Us the Father

This was my last article for our monthly church newsletter:

I have been thinking a lot about the first chapter of the Gospel of St. John lately, especially verse 18: “No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father’s side, has made him known.” (NIV) All of humanity is searching for a piece of the divine, but no one has seen God except for His only begotten Son. We all want something to believe in, something bigger than ourselves.

Later in the same gospel, “Philip said, ‘Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.’ Jesus answered: ‘Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work.” (John 14:8-10 NIV) Even the apostles, who spent three years with Jesus, were looking for the divine and did not realize they had already seen God Himself in the flesh.

Sometimes, the Spirit of God comes to us in an unexpected manner. I was very moved by the reaction of most of the people who visited the Good Friday Meditation stations. Many left in tears; all were deeply moved. In something simple we were reminded of the sacrifice Christ made for us that first Good Friday. One parishioner commented on the significance of a pair of sandals that were the centerpiece of one of the stations. These sandals, like ones that any man might wear, were meant to remind us of the humanity of the divine Christ. To think that God Himself became a human being and lived on earth is staggering. To consider for a moment that Jesus felt pain and joy in a manner similar to our very own feelings is really unbelievable. Yet this is exactly what He did. He showed us the divine in a simple, human way.

I think we humans tend to look for God to move in miraculous and extravagant ways, and He does. However, I think we neglect to see how God is at work in the small things of our lives, how He leads us (many times in ways we do not even know) in our decisions and in our life paths. We tend to live day to day without much time for reflection. I think if we could stop for a few moments and listen for the voice of God, He will show us how He is continuing to lead us. Remember, when God spoke to Elijah it was not in the mighty, rushing wind or the storm or the fire, but in the still, small voice.

My prayer for you is that God will speak to you in a special way this month. It is my hope that we all can slow down enough to hear the voice of God, to see His fingerprints all over our lives, and reflect on the great God that we serve. What a church family we will be when we all are tuned into what God is doing in the world today!

Disjunct Thoughts on Funerals and the Presidential Race

I admit that I watch American Idol from time to time. As a "music person" I am supposed to shun such commercialization of musical art. And I can be a snob about music just like the next music doctor, but I have to admit that I enjoy watching the show if only to hear somebody bomb. My vote is for Melinda by the way. As many of you know, the last week was about giving back. One striking segment dealt with death in Africa and how we in America do not have a clue how much death Africans live with on a daily basis. This African man said he had been to over 200 funerals in his lifetime. Most of the American and British celebrities they interviewed had been to only a handful at best.

Before I moved to Florida, I had been to my fair share of funerals. Having served as a singer/musician in churches I had been called on from time to time to sing in a funeral or at least attend several services. But I have probably been involved in more funerals since I moved than in my entire life before. I work at a moderately large United Methodist church that is predominantly an older group. This has been an interesting change for me to go from working with college students to the AARP set, but it has been a good change and not without its benefits. The people are wonderful and so very appreciative. If I ever needed to feel better about myself, I definitely do when I am around my parishioners. It does not hurt that I know "their songs" and sing them often.

Back to funerals: I find that most of them do not effect me anymore. Maybe they shouldn't. We celebrate these folks for their well-lived lives and their faith, so we know we will see them again. I just hope that I am not becoming immune to the pain of loss or that I am just getting so used to doing funerals that I am only going through the motions. Probably the fact that I am writing this means I am not, but I still have to ask the question. But I have had a lot of folks ask me to sing at their funerals, so I guess they have enjoyed what I do. I must say I have become quite the rage on the funeral and wedding set for my community.

Now, for a political statement: I read that Rudolph Giuliani is the front runner now for the Republican nomination for President in 2008. Giuliani? Really? Now, I am not as "liberal" as the next green guy, but it bothers me when evangelicals can get behind someone who hits so many of their caution buttons in a major way. You know, he has been married three times and so has his wife. And, besides that he is pro-choice and for gay rights and all those good things (GASP). Is this a "lesser of two evils" choice or what? Granted, I have nothing against Giuliani. I think he is a great American and did some wonderful things in New York, especially with regard to his leadership after September 11. But I do not think of him as a conservative, at least not in the Bush sense of that term.

I mean, I am much less conservative than I used to be, but conservatives used to stand for something, and it was usually . . . conservative. I just think it is funny that everybody gets all up in arms over John McCain, but at least we know what he thinks about all things Republican. I also read that Barack Obama has over 35,000 friends on MySpace. Hillary does not have nearly that many and McCain does not have even 3000. I wonder how many Al Gore has, especially since he invented the Internet. I think it will be interesting to see if Gore chooses to run. I think he might win (again) this time if he does run. I am resolved that our next President will be a Democrat and I hope the best one runs, uh, wins.

Value Your Present Moments

I find that I am a person of habit and I really do not like to change my routine if I don't have to. This does not mean that I am inflexible, but I like my structure and always have. Before I started my last diet, I got in the habit of eating Chinese food every Wednesday evening after Choir practice. I also got this wacky idea that God can speak to you through fortune cookie messages, but that is for another day and another therapist.

Last night I stopped for Chinese food and my fortune read: "Value your present moments." Now, granted, this is not the most significant gleaning I have taken from fortune cookie theology, but it was interesting that a lot of what I have been dealing with over the course of the last year has been about appreciating the here and now and not always looking to the future. Maybe I am settling down for a change. I have a friend who asked me a couple of weeks ago if it were possible to never really settle down, to always be in a state of motion. I told him I did believe there were other models and that we do not have to follow a certain path, but I really feel that at some point, whether in our minds or spirits or even physically we need to be at a state of contentment. The Apostle Paul told us that he had learned to be content in all states. I believe that I am finally understanding what that means. And I am sure my blood pressure will thank me for it.

I have also talked a lot about identity lately. I realize how much I thought of myself as a college professor, and not so much as a child of God who could do whatever God called me to do. When we want to identify ourselves with something so much, we begin to lose sight of who we are in Christ. I am thankful that this impulse to identify with what I do rather than with who I am (or whose I am) is diminishing in my life. More to come . . .

Taking Out the Trash

It is amazing how much trash collects around a church. Really. I am dumbfounded at all of the boxes of things that someone at one point thought "We might use this again." Over the course of this last year I have had my music librarian archiving and cataloguing our music library. This has been no small task and we are nearing the completion of the largest section (SATB choral anthems). But we have this room that is at the bottom of the stairs in the furthest recesses of the church that is an all-around junk room and it is filled with music. Most of the music is stuff that nobody would ever want. You know, stuff that was "contemporary" or what was passing for contemporary church music in the '70s. It is not bad music, just stuff that will never be used again. Now, not everything that is old is bad by any means, but some things are so timely that they become obsolete shortly after they are published. I wonder a lot about the shelf life of several of our more popular contemporary worship songs. None of us are really singing those spiritual warfare songs that were so popular in the late '80s (can you say "Mighty Warrior'?) and I am sure that several of the songs we do today will be like those good old songs soon enough.

Well, the process of taking out the trash in our lives is just as significant. I used to be a real pack rat (and many who would venture into my office today might suggest that I still am). I would keep magazines for many years because, you never know when you might need something from them again. Well, that day never came. I admit that I threw out a lot of things before I moved to Florida. Then, after moving, we threw away a whole lot more. Used to be we would wait and have a garage sale. Nowadays, we just pile it up in the SUV and take it to Goodwill. I think this has been good for me to learn what is really important and what is not.

All this garbage talk reminds me of two passages in the Scriptures that talk about running the race. The Apostle Paul tells us that in order for us to "press on toward the goal to win the prize" we have to forget "what is behind." (Philippians 3:13-14) If we don't release our pasts we have to carry them along with us and that is not healthy for us emotionally or physically. The writer of the book of Hebrews also reminds us to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith . . . " (Hebrews 12:1-2) If only we could really live this way. Forgetting what is behind and only looking forward to the future.

So, my prayer for you today is that you would be able to take out the trash that is in your life and allow Christ to replace it with something new and better. I may not enjoy cleaning up what feels like someone else's mess, but it is a wonderful cleansing act to just get rid of all the junk that I have to wade through to get to the good stuff. It is amazing that I find something good every time I go to the "scary room" at the bottom of the stairs. Pretty soon, I will find nothing but good things there, because the past will be completely in the past.

Back to the Blogosphere

Yes, I am alive.

It has been 6 months since I last posted to this blog and that is forever in the cyber time. I began to realize that it is actually quite a while in real time as well. I have had several milestones since I last wrote:

My youngest daughter turned a year old in November

I decided to go on yet another diet the first week of November. I have lost 41 pounds so far. So this means that since I reached my all-time highest weight in 2004, I have lost a grand total of 65 pounds. I am still not thin by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel a lot better physically and emotionally. I can run and not get winded I can walk and not faint. I realize that my battle of the bulge is about more than food and I am trying my best to keep life in perspective. Although, when things are not working as I would like for them to work, I often find myself longing for something fried or something chocolaty. I digress.

I had a wonderful December with my Choir. They put on a very accessible selection of music for Christmas and were very generous with me. They are a second family for me.

I had a weird Christmas returning to Texas for the first time since my move in February of 2006. It was great to see my family, but I just did not feel at home there. I thought it would bring me much more repose than it actually did. We were able to go to museums (they don't have those on the "Redneck Riviera") and see the exhibit on Hatshepsut, the queen who became king of Egypt. That was nice. I just now realize more and more that I truly am at home in Florida. My children are thriving in Florida in a way that I never got to experience before we moved.

In January I bought a new car. I left the Volkswagen cult to join my wife as a Toyota owner. I have an SUV now. I felt like such a Republican, but thank God, it gets very good gas mileage so I can at least feel better about my part in burning a hole in the Earth's atmosphere.

In February we celebrated our one-year anniversary of living in Florida by purchasing the home we had been renting for the last year. Oddly enough, we closed on the anniversary of Misty and the 3 girls coming to Florida. That was creepy and if we were numerologists . . .

In March I turned 35. I had this great realization that I was exactly middle aged if we consider that the Bible gives us only 70 (3 score and 10) years on this Earth. I think this is the first time I have been happy about a birthday since I turned 30 and had 40 college students celebrate with me. That was interesting.

In April we had a wonderful Holy Week and Easter. I got to be all "Emergent" and set up meditation stations for Good Friday. They were received very well and this gives me hope that I can do some almost innovative, yet moving things here and the people will be responsive. The Choir also did a wonderful job on their first performance of the Easter section of Handel's Messiah (reminds me of my university days with my Chorale). We had a wonderful response to the Good Friday evening performance. We had a string quartet and some additional instrumentalists who really added so much to the performance. They were very complimentary of the choir and asked to play again with them at Christmas.

I guess that is my last six months in a nut shell. I have posted a couple of other entries on Worship and My First Year in Florida. It is my plan to keep up with the world again and blog away. I am looking forward to sharing my thoughts again on the Church and its workings, but not today.

Reflections on My First Year in Florida

If there is one thing that sums up this last year of my life it is CHANGE. This February marks my first anniversary serving the music ministry of First United Methodist Church of Panama City. It has been more than a year since I taught my last class at the university. I think this year was about good teaching me a thing or two, especially about trusting Him. People probably thought I was crazy that I would leave my job teaching in a Christian university, a place where I had been for ten years and thought I would never leave. Others probably thought I was crazy to move my family across the country. I am thankful that God was in this move and that He has continued to bless my family through our relationships with you in the church, in our interactions with the staff, and in our feelings of contentment in the community. We truly feel at home.

I am glad that God is always thinking ahead and leading us in His paths, even before we realize our lives are changing. I am reminded of the great words the Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Philippi: “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6) This means that God has a plan for us, and, better yet, He will see that plan come to fruition in us. We can all be thankful that we have a compassionate Father who loves us and is willing to mold us into His image through all circumstances in our lives. Psalm 40:5 tells us: “Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.” It is truly a miracle that God cares about each of us in such a personal manner.

Our worship, then, should come for a heart that truly seeks after God—just as He has sought us, to save us and redeem us. If our hearts are really open to Him, then our worship will be more meaningful. If we come expecting to meet God in our times of corporate worship, then He will not disappoint us. Rather, He will come and show forth His presence in a refreshing way. Each of us needs a refreshing from time to time, and what better place to meet the Lord than in worship from His church.

We also need to consider how well we know the Lord—how important our relationship with Him really is. I am planning to make that a priority in my life—to know the Lord better, to understand His Word better, to be more like Him in my dealings with people. And, like the Apostle Paul wrote: “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11) My sincere prayer for each of you is that grace would abound in your lives and that you would be filled with His Spirit and presence daily.

Called to Be Worshipers

We are all called to be worshipers. Jesus’ command does not apply only to musicians and singers, but to all believers in Christ. Of course, we all know we need to worship, but sometimes we are just plain too religious to really worship. The Samaritan woman at the well that Jesus met on his way back to Galilee dealt with a similar issue. When Jesus mentioned an area that needed work in her personal life, she immediately responded with a loaded question about the differences between Jewish and Samaritan worship. Jesus’ response to her was amazing: “Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship him in spirit and in truth.” (John 4-21-24 NIV)

Worship in spirit and truth means we cannot neglect our minds or our emotions in our worship. Sometimes we worry that our worship can get out of hand when our emotions are involved, but our faith is one that transcends just our intellect. Our faith must engage all aspects of our lives, and our emotions play a major role. So if the Spirit moves you, be encouraged that a healthy, heart-filled response is completely in order in our worship services. I pray that we get excited about Jesus and excited about our times of worship together on Sundays and Wednesday. I pray that we all can strive to come to worship services prayerfully ready to hear the word of God and to worship our Creator and Lord with spirit and in truth. If we come expecting great things from God, we will receive great things from Him. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” (James 4:8a NASB).

Asking the Wrong Questions

I was talking to a friend about the state of the Church and she mentioned an interesting converstaion she had recently with a pastor from Kenya. The comment that he made that stood out the most to me was something like "I love this country [speaking of the United States], but I do not let it become part of me." I thought this was a profound statement, full of truth. She believed this was very significant and was concerned that we were not doing enough in America to build the Kingdom. She also questioned why we do not see many [any] signs and wonders in America when there are reports of amazing things that God is doing in Africa and other parts of the world. When she related this to me, my response to her was "I wonder if we are asking the right questions." She looked a little puzzled, and so I clarified my response.

I believe that the Church in America has bought into the lie that our rights matter. We complain that our rights are being violated because we cannot pray in school or we have abortion on demand or whatever the new issue may be; but we do so very little to get to know God enough to know what He would have us do. We fight over musical styles in our churches, and try our hardest to think up new programs that will fill the seats, but we are devoid of the Spirit of God. I am afraid that when the Spirit makes an appearance in our churches we are so unprepared for Him that we miss our opportunities. In ministry we talk a lot about providing meaningful opportunities for people to experience God, but I wonder if we are fulfilling true needs in peoples' lives or only our perceptions of their needs. I feel that if we spent more time praying and more time doing the work of God, we would complain less about the ills of our society, a society that we built, and get about the Father's business of accomplishing His will on earth, just as it is in heaven. I am afraid that we need to beg for forgiveness of our well-meaning, but still completely oblivious missteps when it comes to meeting the needs of the world.

We are too busy believing that God cares about our rights. I think the idea of Christian rights is completely unscriptural. It seems that Jesus told us if we are to be his disciples we are to DENY ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. Paul reiterates this idea when he says that he is crucified with Christ. If we truly are His disciples, we will not be able to tell the difference between His will and our own--it will be the same agenda. The early church was not concerned with political agendas because it was too concerned about getting the word out about Jesus. Because they truly believed Jesus would return anytime, there was no time to complain about the emperor's newest edict. I hear people concerned that there will be a great day of reckoning for the church in America and I am sure that it will happen someday. Some want to blame it on pluralism others on the rise of Muslim immigration to America, but I want to put the blame where it belongs. It starts with me and the rest of the church that has been too busy to notice the tares that have been sown all around us, the tares that are choking us to death, the tares that we planted when we decided to be worried about things that do not matter. Lord, open our eyes to see the world as you see it and not through our own very cloudy vision. Lord, help us to understand that just because we have been blessed it does not give us the right to lord it over others or to expect that we deserve it by divine right. Help us to be ready for that day of reckoning, and not be caught unawares doing the "work of the Lord" only to have You tell us "I never knew you."

Propaganda and the Liberal Media

I have not posted anything in quite some time, so I guess it is about time I shared another bit of wisdom I have been chewing on lately. With the upcoming election in November looming over us and the prospects for 2008 already starting to line up, I guess it is time to weigh in on the topic. Not that I have any expertise on things political, but I have touched on some of these issues before so they won't be new.

I remember being in college in 1992 when Bill Clinton was elected president. I remember thinking that he was probably the antichrist, but I really felt like he would win, especially with Ross Perot splintering the Republican vote. I wanted to vote for Clinton because I wanted to be on the winning side, but instead voted with my conscience to stay the course with George Bush Sr. Of course, that logic failed along with the Bush campaign and the religious right became a force to be reckoned with shortly thereafter. Since Clinton was liberal and the media was the whore of Babylon, the world must soon come to an end. I remember the 1994 election and the contract with America that Republican congressional officials made with the country. I remember that November night thinking, we'll show them, now the Lord will have his due. Well, we have had 12 years of Republican control of both houses of Congress and 6 years of that under a Republican president and I have come to realize one thing: more governing actually seems to take place when there is a balance of the two parties.

I guess what I am trying to say is: "Let the Democrats have it back!" At least that will give evangelicals something legitimate to complain about. It is astonishing to me to hear people complain about congress and their lack of accomplishment when we are the ones who put them there. We have become so afraid of Osama bin whoever, that we forget that we serve a God who is in control of all situations, and this is true whether there is a Republican or a Democrat is in the white house. It is funny that I still hear complaints about the liberal bias in the media, but there has to be a balance between the very conservative government and the media coverage. I do not remember any conservatives complaining that Rush Limbaugh was not giving a balanced view of President Clinton.

I was reading an article in Texas Monthly about the state of politics in Texas and how the GOP state convention was basically a diatribe against illegal immigration and the wall that they want to build along the border. Honestly, I didn't realize there was one person in Texas who did not realize there were illegal immigrants living there. So now that we have an election, we have to stir up fears about the border and a wall to keep all of the illegals and other ne'er do wells out of our borders. OR, is it possible, the wall is not to keep out whoever wants to get into the country, but to keep our culture monolithic in its outlook. We talk a lot about multicultural in church but when we get right down to it, it is just talk. We really do not want people around us who make us think or challenge our comfort level, especially with regard to our faith. I am challenged everyday, and I don't like it. But it is the best thing for me and it makes me stronger. It makes me know myself better. These border fears remind me a lot of there Y2K conspiracy. It is funny how people of faith were the ones that made the biggest uproar about Y2K and its possible repercussions. How is it that we have such faith in the end of the world, but so little faith in the Savior of the world?

The older I get the less sure I am of any of former convictions. I realize now that God does not care as much about some of these little things. I am not talking about the basics of the faith here. I am talking about things that matter little for the Kingdom. Just like I don't think a fence on the border of Mexico is the answer to our immigration problems, I do not think that picketing abortion clinics or rallying against Democrats is going to win anyone to the Kingdom.

So if the Democrats take the Congress and Hillary becomes president in 2008, or if the Republicans keep Congress and John McCain takes the white house, God is still in control. My prayer is that we as Christians do not allow our fears to dictate how we work and live. When it comes right down to it, we are most effective when we are salt and light in the world, rather than avoiding the world at all costs. As for me, I think I am going to vote for Jesus in the next election, and the last time I looked, he was an independent. And I no longer think Bubba is the antichrist, but the jury is out on . . .

A Battle of Wills

I have been learning a lot about patience these last several weeks. For a couple of weeks of August I was determined that my three-year-old daughter would master the art of the potty. She is definitely as strong-willed child and so this has been a learning time for both of us. Who is going to be in control at the end of the day? Well, it turns out that after a week of constant supervision, she finally did master the art and even decided it was proper to go without being asked "Do you need to go potty?" It has been wonderful and in the end she realized that she was more in control by going to the potty than by making me and her mom clean up after her. I am just glad that I lived through it.

My nerves have rarely been as brittle as they were during this period of the battle of wills. This battle has taught me a thing or two about being patient. I am trying to learn to apply this hard-learned lesson to my work in the church. I have the privilege of working with some of the most compassionate and caring individuals I have met. They have made my transition to full-time church ministry much easier. But, I have one situation that continues to rear its head and I have come to a realization: I want to be in control and it bothers me that I cannot control the situation. I usually have a way of diffusing tense situations, but again this is a way for me to be in control. I am having to learn to give those things that I cannot control over to the Lord, rather than trying to work them out myself. And I am good at working them out myself. Again, it is about control. Just like my little one and her potty problems, always wanting to control or dominate situations she finds herself in, I want to do the same, albeit in a much more genteel way. It has to be about letting Him work it out. We spend so much of our time fighting battles, when God asks us to praise Him and let Him fight the battles for us. And we wonder why we don't win these battles or why they keep coming back to haunt us.

The pictures above are ones I took last year in Egypt. The Sphinx is an amazing sight, so old and mysterious and very patient. I guess a rock really is not patient, just stuck in one place. But it has no control over its surroundings or what happens to it. I pray that one day I will be able to give up control of all this mess and allow God to take control so that I don't have to worry about it anymore. Let it be today!

Sticking to the Status Quo

I have three little girls that are definitely the spice of my life. Even though they are young, my daughters love those tween shows that are on Disney and Nickelodeon. Several months ago, the Disney channel had a big hit called "High School Musical." It is cheesy and tweeny and they love it. We have the DVD and watch it all the time. They sing along to the songs in the car. I must admit that I think it is really a good little musical and I personally know most of the songs myself. Embarrassing, but true. I was struck by one of the songs because it hits a nerve with a lot of people in the church these day--the status quo. The song says something to this effect: "Stick to the status quo. It's better by far to leave things as they are." It was unnerving.

We talk a lot about the status quo in the church these days and I am not sure what the main reason for all this worry is. It could be that in America, people have been leaving the church, especially mainline denominations, in a steady stream for many years. I am a member of a United Methodist church, which came into being in 1968. At that time, there were over 11 million adherents in the USA. Now there are closer to 8 million. For many this is an alarm that says the status quo needs to be adjusted. We can't do church as usual anymore. I remember in Bob Sorge's book Exploring Worship that the seven last words of a dying church are: "We've never done it that way before."

But changing the status quo is a major undertaking and requires that everyone in a particular church body is behind the change. It takes vision, which, oftentimes, is lacking in our churches. We are more worried about getting people to church than we are about truly reaching the lost. It is so much easier to sit in church and wait for the lost to come to our church, but how realistic is this? I sit in an office that is right across from the main church office. People in crisis come in four days a week to receive food or monetary assistance. I think this is a wonderful thing the church does and the church in general needs to do more of these things. But I wonder if this is really reaching anyone for Jesus. Maybe it is, I am just not seeing these folks come to church after they have been helped. Maybe our assistance is a seed that will grow into something greater some day. Maybe we are helping the needy keep their own status quo.

The picture above is one I took in the Old City in Jerusalem at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. I was especially interested in the ladder that sits on a cornice above the main entrance to the church. During Ottoman rule, several Christian churches (Greek Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Armenian, etc.) fought over their rights to the church built where many believe Christ died and was resurrected. The Ottomans established a Status Quo for the church and granted ownership to six different Christian bodies. From what I gather, the windows belong to the Armenians, but there is a question as to whether the Armenians or the Greeks own the cornice that the ladder sits on. The ladder belongs to the Armenians, and has sat in the same place for over 150 years because the Greeks wanted them to move it, but they refused--all because of the status quo.

Now, I know we would never argue within our churches about something as silly as moving a ladder, but we do argue about coffee, carpet, and other equally insignificant things. And usually, our arguments end up being a test of the status quo.

Today, I want to acknowledge that I enjoy things as they are and do not enjoy change. However, God has blessed me by not allowing me to keep the quo. If He did allow me to keep things as they are, I would not be writing from my desk in Florida, but from my desk in Texas. It was not a bad situation, just the status quo for me. I am thankful that I can see new and different horizons.

And, by the way, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre is not the most beautiful church in Christendom. The ladder is actually a tasteful addition to the facade.